How to Tell if Your Child is a Genius
A technical genius displays an IQ of 140 or above. Average people score at about 100. Your child should be about 1.4 times smarter than the little kids next door playing in the dirt while their Mom bakes cookies instead of teaching them calculus.
As you look down at your angelic sleeping infant you find yourself wondering 'will little Albert grow up to be a really smart fellow or will he end up running for Congress?' It's impossible to be sure, but we're here to help you.
Do they get the jokes?
When Sheldon quips over hyperbolic trigonometry, does your kid chuckle? When Raj spins a pun while discussing interstellar phase shifts of dark matter, is your child picking his toes or laughing hysterically? These simple visual cues go a long way toward determining the genius level of your progeny.
A season-full of these handy DVDs provides benchmarks for measuring the intelligence level of everyone in your household. Listen closely to the studio audience: sometimes those unfortunate folks don't know when to laugh. They are obviously not geniuses.
Before you order advanced particle physics tutorials or customized training in computer software development, deploy Big Bang Theory videos in your household. Everyone gets a laugh and the really smart people get more than one.
Can they solve the Rubik's Cube?
Ernő Rubik gave us his cube of many colors when he could have been outside playing or watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. His hard work provides would-be geniuses with hours of fun and the rest of us with something to prop the door open.
We endorse this contrivance as a test of genius because we can't do it. We have no shot. It's trivial to jumble up but nearly impossible to reconstruct in any reasonable time frame. There are something like forty-three quintillion combinations. Roughly one of them is correct. If you tried one combination every second it would take you forty-three quintillion seconds to try them all. We're not here to judge, but that would be silly.
Do they have the Baby Genius CD Collection?
Every parent wants their child to grow into genius-hood. To that end, contentious software vendors churn out digital libraries specially designed to drain bank accounts. You'll feel guilty unless you provide every extant version of Baby Genius products.
Pop out the Big Bang Theory DVD and pop in a Baby Genius product before your child is rejected by an elite nursery school that your friends rave about. Turn off Sesame Street: it's old school. Throw away Rafi and that purple dinosaur: they're not interactive.
Do they slice and dice?
As Seen on TV, the Genius Slicer provides hours of nutritious meals for everyone in your household. You don't have to be a genius to wield it, but your uber-smart child will probably create more symmetrical rosettes than the kid next door that plays Select Soccer.
It's easy to clean and put away. Scrape your vegetables clean while building upper body strength. Color-coordinated authentic plastic components will match any modern decor as long as it's green. We love the Julienne blades because it sounds French and French children are smart.
Can they program in C?
Java is for normal kids. Python presents no challenge for geniuses. HTML isn't even real programming: graphic designers can do that.
True software genius shines through in every hand-crafted line of C code. Your young programmer needs to understand triple indirection, integer arithmetic, and variable-length argument passing in order to be considered a real smart cookie. Real programmers don't need explicit type conversions or built-in string length validation.
Order a copy of The C Programming Language for all the budding software engineers in your house. You won't be sorry as they develop embedded systems for cell phones and pop machines and pacemakers. Stand back in silent awe as they program their way to fame and fortune.
Do they write many hubs?
A dude with the most hubs I know about must be Hal Licino. He ground out over 2499 hubs, then trundled off into the sunset astride his motorbike. Nothing could coax him out of semi-retirement. HubPages smacked down 4 of his compositions: he didn't flinch. To this day we are left with 2496 hubs that we can read at our collective and individual leisure.
We miss Hal. No one produced hubs comparing microprocessors quite the same way. His overt snark and subtle snark live in perpetuity through his account on this high quality web site.
We don't know what Hal currently accomplishes in order to fill his free time. Perhaps all his time is free and he has assumed one or more original monikers in order to continue publishing for free on this venue. He could be Mark Ewbie or drbj. We'll never know for sure.
Whoop, there it is.
Follow the simple preceding rules to guarantee genius in your household. Resist the urge to sit home at night and watch American Idol when you could be nurturing the next great brain under your tutelage. We're here to help.
A brain is a terrible thing to waste. It's four pounds of water and gross connecting tissue, but it's so much more than that.
