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Republicans Are Martians and Democrats Live on the Moon

Updated on January 12, 2013
The elephant must have started it.
The elephant must have started it.
Democrats...
Democrats...
And Republicans.
And Republicans.

Terrestrial Wars with implications beyond this Solar System

Republicans and Democrats are in constant conflict, and they never seem to get along very well. Both sides have searched endlessly for a breakthrough, a means to communicate with the other side, to no avail. I think that is because Republicans are Martians, and Democrats come from the Moon, which explains why America's two most common opposing political parties are in constant conflict. Our division on every issue under the sun is not because we don't agree on how to solve problems using government or big business. We are divided because we come from entirely different worlds. American politics is not a clash of ideologies, it is a clash of extraterrestrials.

Let me explain it this way; It is not how we see the solution, but how we see the problem, that affects how we view Earthly events. Republicans see threats hiding in the shadows all over the place, like illegal aliens who want to steal American jobs, and terrorists who are hiding in plain sight. The President of the United States must be from another country, because he has dark skin, and a funny sounding name. To them, Iran as a national security threat, because it has a lot of really bad people and wants to have nuclear weapons. Republicans also want every American to own a gun, because that makes everyone all the more safe, especially when loonies go around shooting people in dark, disorienting theaters.

Democrats see throngs of new people arriving on American shores to begin a new life in this country. Long bearded men and scarfed women go about minding their own religious business, and a President named Barack Obama presents the nation with a chance to live beyond its own strained racial past, present and foreseeable future. Democrats don't like national security as much, because it costs a lot, including Americans privacy. They also want to take away every persons gun, because that obviously makes all of us much safer. It really is harder to attack some one else with a butter knife.

Quite simply, Republicans come from Mars, and Democrats live on the Moon. Republicans and their conservative friends look at the world and see the constant threat of something. Liberals gaze at the world and try to see the bigger picture. If a conservative looked in a telescope, he would see a comet heading towards Earth. If a liberal looked in the telescope, she would find the stars very pretty.

We all know that Mars is named after the Roman god of war, Mars. Republicans must be from Mars, because they all have a tendency to go on attack mode. Whether it is against the terrorists who are hiding in the kitchen cabinet, or the poor black people who might conceivably vote for Obama, thus continuing the terrorist infiltration that my chiropractor is always going on about, Republicans feel the need to protect someone from something. They think we all need guns because we all need to protect ourselves and our families.

Democrats are not from Mars. They live on the Moon. They like to think about the implications of events, and they have way too much imagination. Plus, they are idealistic. They see the world as a pretty blue marble, not as a dangerous place where carefully thought out plans can go wrong. As a result, they don't think anyone would need protecting if they just followed rules and regulations.

As for me, I always liked the Moon better than Mars. The Moon is prettier, and easier to see. Plus, I don't have to make plans about attacking other people, because I'm not worried about any threat. My way of life is not under attack, and Bin Laden and about 6 other AL-Qaeda leaders are dead, thanks to President Obama and his war against Al-Qaeda. But Mars is also useful, because people who come from it are watching out for anything that may threaten me.

Just so long as one side is moderate and ready to listen to reason, we can all live with the other side. The only problem now is that Mars is in a mood to wage war on the Moon.



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    • Nathan Orf profile image
      Author

      Nathan Orf 5 years ago

      NateB11,

      Thanks for commenting, and I'm glad you got a kick out of it! I couldn't help but to write this one, because the political scene is so absurd these days, for many of the reasons I wrote about. I have to hope, though, that the worst is behind us, and that the Democrats and Republicans will try to find common ground somewhere.

    • NateB11 profile image

      Nathan Bernardo 5 years ago from California, United States of America

      "The President of the United States must be from another country, because he has dark skin, and a funny sounding name." One of the funniest things I've heard in awhile and also very true; about American culture generally and Republicans in particular. I remember a time when anything liberal was considered wacky and fantastical and nowadays it's the other way around; Republicans are seen as far-out lunatics; I'm prone to think they are myself; but I'm not fanatical about, I still listen to people. I think you characterized the political scene very well here. I personally don't feel the two parties are fundamentally different, and neither one talks about what I consider fundamentally important. I'm a third party kind of guy, because to me, third parties are from Earth.

    • Nathan Orf profile image
      Author

      Nathan Orf 5 years ago

      Justsilvie,

      Yep. That's about the situation with the far right these days. The extreme right sees communist conspiracies everywhere now, even though our "communist, socialist left wing" President is actually a pragmatist. Right now, theirs is a movement driven by paranoia. How I wish that moderate conservatives would make a comeback. Thanks for the comment.

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 5 years ago

      I liked your Hub! Well done.

      The Republicans just don’t seem to be able to think logically anymore. It must be the lack of oxygen on Mars!

      Pro-life for the fetus, but … (no clue on how to really stop Abortion, so we will criminalize it, since we are doing so well fighting crime in this country lets add a few more to system)

      pro guns… we don’t need no dang restrictions… people kill people! (Let’s replace guns with knives and see how it goes)

      pro death penalty, (not sensible, Punishment should means having to face what you’ve done so they don’t even get points for their thinking on this one)

      pro war.... Why? (the days where we make money on war are far gone… we have not paid for the last two and not won one the last half century and the chance of another COUNTRY attacking us are pretty minute so again I ask why?

      Their plan is let’s bring someone to life and the figure out how long they can make it in the cross fire

      And those babies better be motivated, because no hand outs, no entitlements, no nothing for the little beggars, let them pull themselves up by the bootie strings like they did. Let them and join the Army, meet interesting people and kill them (someone must go! Mitt has 5 do you think any of them will ever serve their country?) … and if they live through the military service, will figure out how to get out of paying them what we promised them for serving, after all we just don’t have the money for that… We have save what we have for the next threat…. I am sure they already see a strange craft entering our solar system.

    • Nathan Orf profile image
      Author

      Nathan Orf 5 years ago

      steveso,

      Thanks a lot for the thumbs up! I just had to get this one out.

    • steveso profile image

      Steve 5 years ago from Brockport, NY

      Very interesting view of our political ideologies. Is that why they call Mars the red planet? Thumbs up.

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