Republicans Are Martians and Democrats Live on the Moon

Republicans and Democrats are in constant conflict, and they never seem to get along very well. Both sides have searched endlessly for a breakthrough, a means to communicate with the other side, to no avail. I think that is because Republicans are Martians, and Democrats come from the Moon, which explains why America's two most common opposing political parties are in constant conflict. Our division on every issue under the sun is not because we don't agree on how to solve problems using government or big business. We are divided because we come from entirely different worlds. American politics is not a clash of ideologies, it is a clash of extraterrestrials.

Let me explain it this way; It is not how we see the solution, but how we see the problem, that affects how we view Earthly events. Republicans see threats hiding in the shadows all over the place, like illegal aliens who want to steal American jobs, and terrorists who are hiding in plain sight. The President of the United States must be from another country, because he has dark skin, and a funny sounding name. To them, Iran as a national security threat, because it has a lot of really bad people and wants to have nuclear weapons. Republicans also want every American to own a gun, because that makes everyone all the more safe, especially when loonies go around shooting people in dark, disorienting theaters.

Democrats see throngs of new people arriving on American shores to begin a new life in this country. Long bearded men and scarfed women go about minding their own religious business, and a President named Barack Obama presents the nation with a chance to live beyond its own strained racial past, present and foreseeable future. Democrats don't like national security as much, because it costs a lot, including Americans privacy. They also want to take away every persons gun, because that obviously makes all of us much safer. It really is harder to attack some one else with a butter knife.

Quite simply, Republicans come from Mars, and Democrats live on the Moon. Republicans and their conservative friends look at the world and see the constant threat of something. Liberals gaze at the world and try to see the bigger picture. If a conservative looked in a telescope, he would see a comet heading towards Earth. If a liberal looked in the telescope, she would find the stars very pretty.

We all know that Mars is named after the Roman god of war, Mars. Republicans must be from Mars, because they all have a tendency to go on attack mode. Whether it is against the terrorists who are hiding in the kitchen cabinet, or the poor black people who might conceivably vote for Obama, thus continuing the terrorist infiltration that my chiropractor is always going on about, Republicans feel the need to protect someone from something. They think we all need guns because we all need to protect ourselves and our families.

Democrats are not from Mars. They live on the Moon. They like to think about the implications of events, and they have way too much imagination. Plus, they are idealistic. They see the world as a pretty blue marble, not as a dangerous place where carefully thought out plans can go wrong. As a result, they don't think anyone would need protecting if they just followed rules and regulations.

As for me, I always liked the Moon better than Mars. The Moon is prettier, and easier to see. Plus, I don't have to make plans about attacking other people, because I'm not worried about any threat. My way of life is not under attack, and Bin Laden and about 6 other AL-Qaeda leaders are dead, thanks to President Obama and his war against Al-Qaeda. But Mars is also useful, because people who come from it are watching out for anything that may threaten me.

Just so long as one side is moderate and ready to listen to reason, we can all live with the other side. The only problem now is that Mars is in a mood to wage war on the Moon.