Don't Look Back; Letting Go of the Past
When You Leave
When you leave; be it home, be it marriage, be it a job, a country, or a life; don't look back.
Deal with now as Page One. Start from here; not your birth, not your marriage, not your first day as....Deal with Now, here and Now as Chapter One.
Recognise that whatever reason(s) you had for leaving were good. Don't second and third guess yourself. When you decide to leave; go.
Any form of retrospective or reassessment should have happened before you left and now, only examined when you are alone, safe, and ready.
You don't need a replay.
Mulling is anti-productive. It moors you in the past, keeps you from embracing the future.
Once you leave, you are gone.
You've Made Your Decision
Whatever it was which sent you off into this unknown future, leaving all you've known behind, is real, is honest, is right.
You had to leave.
And you have left.
And the Past; whoever you were or did or knew, is Over.
Deal with Now, deal with tomorrow, don't waste a brain cell thinking about then. For 'then' ended the minute you left it. It is not there. Nothing is the way you remember, and each day makes it more alien.
Memories are odd creatures; some are painted in pastels with giggles, others in
murky greys and browns with eerie keening.
But the fact is; Memories, like the sci-fi you are watching, are fantasies.
You can just as well imagine yourself a Byzantine Princess or a Mongol Invader
as that person who stares out at you from the year book.
Like a Dog Returneth To His Vomit
Do not try to 'get in touch with' people you used to know. Whether they are related to you by blood, shared pencils with you in primary school, or fathered your children; make no attempt.
Not until time has passed, you've done a gut tearing retrospective, and are this new person.
Making Contact too early ALWAYS ends badly.
If anyone was interested they would have searched for you.
They are in their 'comfort zones'. They are living where they have lived, being who they have been. If they cared about you, even a little, they would have tried to find you. Since they didn't, stay lost.
Forget about 'High School Reunions', no one wants to see you. Even those who might scribble a few words on a public site as if they miss you might change their mouths before you respond.
One thing you can bet on, if you ever "had to leave" anywhere, and if no one ever tried to contact you, there's something evil in the background, waiting to pounce on you if you show your face.
Vintage Hatred
Many families are cauldrons of hate.
Some parents hate a particular child, or a child hates a parent, and it is just the pressure of law or society which prevents action.
You may have left because you couldn't take another beating or couldn't stand the mind prison.
You may have left because you had no life with them.
You may have left because they would to deny you the future you wanted.
Whatever the reason, you have taken your body out of the environment.
Make sure your soul goes with it.
Those left behind often grow to hate you for getting out.
Many have hated you all your life, but never said so; and subconsciously you felt this 'vibe'; which is why you left.
There are people who will have used and will use you as their Reason for all their
misfortunes, failings, weaknesses. They will lie and create more lies as you are not there to defend yourself.
Don't Look Back
After you have been gone a time when you no longer think of your past often, you do a retrospective.
You go over your life, calmly and honestly.
In a manner, treat it as a reflection on a movie you saw. Yes, you will feel pain, but keep it at arm's length.
Remind yourself that you and the people who were in your life don't exist any more.
I want you to understand this. You can wipe tears if you want... but all those people you recall, no longer exist.
The people you remember are gone with the memories. And that person, that you, who remembers them, doesn't exist any more.
Make no attempt to ever try to Go Back.
If you like to be insulted, accused of crimes and betrayals you didn't commit, send that stupid email. Dial that number.
Learn everything is your fault, and has been your fault since the day you left.
If anyone had cared about you or your side of the story they would have tried to find you. But they didn't.
They didn't because they don't want to hear about your side of the story, they don't want to see you.
They prefer their myths and fantasies. They prefer their reason for failure to be beyond their failings.
If there was anything back there that was good and true you would not have left it behind. Hence, shut the door, and turn your back, and go forward.
