Don't Look Back; letting go of the Past
When You Leave
When you leave; be it home,
be it marriage, be it a job,
a country, a life;
don't look back.
Deal with now as Page One;
start from here;
not from your birth,
not from your marriage,
not from your first day.
Deal with Now, here and Now as Chapter One.
Recognise that whatever reason(s) you had for leaving were good.
Don't second and third guess yourself. When you decide to leave; go.
Any form of retrospective or reassessment should have happened before you left.
You don't need a replay. Mulling is anti-productive. It moors you in the past, keeps
you from embracing the future.
Once you leave, you are gone.
You've Made Your Decision
Whatever it was which sent you off into this unknown future, leaving all you've known behind, is real, is honest, is right. You had to leave. And you have left. And the Past; whoever you were or did or knew, is Over.
Deal with Now, deal with tomorrow, don't waste a brain cell thinking about then. For 'then' ended the minute you left it. It is not there. Nothing is the way you remember, and each day makes it more alien.
Memories are odd creatures; some are painted in pastels with giggles, others in
murky greys and browns with eerie keening.
But the fact is; Memories, like the sci-fi you are watching, are fantasies.
You can just as well imagine yourself a Byzantine Princess or a Mongol Invader
as that person who stares out at you from the year book.
Like a Dog Returneth To His Vomit
Do not, ever, try to 'get in touch with' people you used to know. Whether they are related to you by blood, shared pencils with you in primary school, or fathered your children; make no attempt. These ALWAYS end badly.
If anyone was interested they would have searched for you. They are in their 'comfort zones'. They are living where they have lived, being who they have been. If they cared about you, even a little, they would have tried to find you. Since they didn't, stay lost.
Forget about 'High School Reunions', no one wants to see you. Even those who might scribble a few words on a public site as if they miss you might change their mouths before you respond.
One thing you can bet on, if you ever "had to leave" anywhere, if no one ever tried to contact you, there's something evil in the background, waiting to pounce on you if you show your face.
Many families are cauldrons of hate.
Some parents hate a particular child, or a child hates a parent, and it is just the pressure of law or society which prevents action. Commonly, Brothers and sisters hate each other for being.
The Middle brother who is now the 'man' once the eldest is gone, the little sister who
has never lived up to the standards her big sister set, the Eldest Brother who always
hated how much attention the youngest received, the Big Sister who despised the
little one who 'got everything'; these are not horror categories, these are real dynamics
You may have left because you couldn't take another beating or couldn't stand the mind prison.
You may have left because you had no life with them.
You may have left because they would to deny you the future you wanted.
Whatever the reason, you have taken your body out of the environment.
Make sure your sould goes with it.
Those left behind often grow to hate you for getting out.
Many have hated you all your life, but never said so; and subconsciously you felt this
'vibe'; which is why you left.
There are people who will have used and will use you as their Reason for all their
misfortunes, failings, weaknesses.
The will lie and create more lies as you are not there to defend yourself.
It sounds so much better to say; "My Brother abused me all my life which is why
I failed my courses and never got anywhere."
It sounds so much better to claim that Big Sister; "... took all my friends so I stopped
as if it is the fault of Big Sister, who has been gone ten, twenty, thirty years why no one likes
the Younger One.
If one knew the 'legend' that had been concocted, if one assumes a legend has been concocted, then daring to pick up a telephone is a non-insurable risk.
Don't Look Back
Maybe alone at night, looking at the stars, one can remember forty years ago and think of... but put that in same phylum as the first time you saw Star Wars, or heard Whitney Houston sing.
Those people don't exist any more. That you doesn't exist any more.
Make no attempt to ever try to Go Back.
If you like to be insulted, accused of crimes and betrayals you didn't commit, send that stupid email. Dial that number. Learn everything that is your fault, that has been your fault since the day you left.
If anyone had cared about you or your side of the story they would have tried to find you. But they didn't. They didn't because they don't want to hear about your side of the story, they don't want to see you. They prefer their myths and fantasies. They prefer their reason for failure to be beyond their failings.
If there was anything back there that was good and true you would not have left it behind. Hence, shut the door, and turn your back, and go forward.