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Gender Equality: Independence Starts with Self-Pleasure

Updated on November 1, 2016
social thoughts profile image

I have a B.A. in English with a minor in Gender and Sexuality Studies. I've been a Goth since age fourteen, and a Pagan since age fifteen.

Published on 17 March 2011
Published on 17 March 2011 | Source

One day in high school, some of the guy classmates brought up masturbation. A young woman classmate of mine, sitting next to me, vocalized her feelings about the topic by saying, "Ew, masterbation."

"You don't masturbate?" I asked, confused.

"No, of course not." She said, plainly.

This boggled my mind since I had heard her speak about sexual partners in the past. Did this mean she felt she needed to be with a guy to experience sexual pleasure? Perhaps, she thought unless someone else is involved it's wrong?

When someone says they do not masturbate....

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YouTuber, Adrian Gee interviewed people on the street to find out the last time they masturbated. First, he interviewed women. The majority were uncomfortable with the question. Is this surprising? As women, we know it is easier for men to publicly express sexuality than it is for us. What makes this subject so taboo? Part of it is a social perception of women as submissive beings. The saying goes: The vagina is a cavity to be penetrated while the penis is on the outside because it is meant to do the penetrating; therefore, women are presumed emotional while men are presumed logical. Feeling is seen as weakness while apathy is seen as strength. The scary part is that people still believe these ideas to be true.

Almost all of the interviewed men were indifferent about answering, aside from some chuckles after their confessions. What does this tell us about gender and society in terms of self-pleasure? Men discuss masturbation and sexual conquests openly with little fear of repercussion. Self-release is usually the most normal topic brought up between men, especially in the younger generations, and few feel shame over it.

So, how do we encourage girls and young women to embrace their self-exploration as a way to know themselves rather than hide it like it's unnatural? I think the famous feminine faces promoting masturbation are the first ways in which that can be accomplished.

Taylor Momsen has become an advocate for sexual independence. She believes girls and women should be self-reliant in every way. In a society that is more impressed by how many partners one has, she is a breath of fresh air. Many girls believe that sex with a partner is the only medium for sexual pleasure. Even in 2015, it is difficult to comprehend that there are still girls and women out there afraid to admit that they masturbate or, worse, afraid to take the time to learn how to use it.

Are you surprised when women won't admit they masturbate?

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“I’m a promoter of masturbation. Don’t sleep around—learn yourself first! Guys do, but girls don’t. And that’s why girls have so many bad experiences. But you can know your body, know yourself, know what feels good. You don’t have to give yourself away just to have sexual relevance. Because I don’t think sex is something people should be afraid of. It’s part of human nature, so I don’t think it should be so shameful–particularly for girls and young girls.”

Taylor Momsen

Have you heard of Dr. Sadie?

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Dr. Sadie Allison is a pleasure coach. She began her passion for sexual knowledge when she was young, through self-experimentation; however, she was surprised to learn her friends were not taking advantage of masturbation the way she was, and that many had never had an orgasm. To help her friends, she began teaching them what they can do to become sexual people who know how to masturbate as individuals, instead of relying on their partners to figure it out for them.

Later on, Dr. Sadie tried putting her ideas into her own small book titled Tickle Your Fancy. It is a self-help guide for female masturbation. The published book took off. She was not only helping millions to learn masturbation, but due to the statistics of those with sexually fulfilling lives, she was improving people’s overall well-being. Many statistics show that when someone's sexual needs are being taken care of, instead of pushed aside, it improves their mental health. Just think of all of those homophobic people out there who are actually in the closet.

Today, she is the founder of her own company called Tickle Kitty. She has written five more books in addition to Tickle Your Fancy, all to help women and men have better sex. The books are as comical as they are informative, complete with illustrations to assist readers. Her company also manufactures sex toys and lubricants. Dr. Sadie has been on shows such as The Greg Behrendt Show and The Tyra Banks Show where she helped guests who went through changes in their bodies to rediscover themselves, sexually, through better communication and masturbation.

"Even today, society conditions women to think masturbation is harmful, sinful, and abnormal. Adults told us, when we were little girls, masturbation was bad and sometimes punished us for doing it. Overall, this repression of female masturbation promoted sexual insecurities, shame, guilt and fear. However, society is beginning to understand and accept that women across the world practice masturbation as a perfectly normal, health activity."

Dr. Sadie, Tickle Your Fancy

Let’s face it: When women vocalize that they masturbate, it tells society that men are not needed. It means owning up to one's independence. Regardless of how many rights we have fought for, they are still challenged, each year. It's no wonder why women aren't always brought up to embrace their sexuality. Without this type of guidance, girls grow up to fear not having an outside support system. They will be incapable of making themselves happy in ways beyond their sexually, and their lives will revolve around finding men to take care of their needs. It couldn't be more true that masturbation is one of those methods to learn to depend on ourselves.

© 2015 social thoughts


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  • social thoughts profile image

    social thoughts 14 months ago from New Jersey


    Thank you.

    That's a good question. No, we don't, because we're incapable of experiencing pleasure without a man involved. ;)

    Thanks for the support, and the laugh.

  • Emmyboy profile image

    Emmyboy 14 months ago from Nigeria

    Interesting article. Interesting topic.

    Come to think of it now, do women really masturbate?

    That's supposed to be a rhetoric so don't even bother to answer!

  • social thoughts profile image

    social thoughts 2 years ago from New Jersey


    Thank you!

  • social thoughts profile image

    social thoughts 2 years ago from New Jersey

    Venkatachari M,

    It doesn't surprise me you would be like that, but thanks for taking the time to read it.

  • Venkatachari M profile image

    Venkatachari M 2 years ago from Hyderabad, India

    Sorry, I also think it is good to simply blush and avoid answering such topics. Even as a man, I used to be much embarrassed about discussing such things even with my wife.

  • melissae1963 profile image

    Melissa Reese Etheridge 2 years ago from Tennessee, United States

    Great article. You hit the nail on the head with several points. A very well written Hub.

  • social thoughts profile image

    social thoughts 2 years ago from New Jersey

    Thank you, Bill. :)

  • billybuc profile image

    Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

    Interesting as always. It doesn't surprise me at all that women have a hard time admitting flies in the face of social norms and stereotypes...good little girls don't do something as "nasty" as masturbation. LOL I guess I don't know any of those good little girls. :)