Is that dogshit I smell?
Running in circles
The status of my present lifestyle is recently divorced, renting an apartment that I share with my Scottish Terrier, dealing with worsening autoimmune disease and unemployment all within the last six months. My mental status is teetering, confused, discombobulated, anxiety ridden and disorganized. My physical status is fatigued, worsened by the brunt of too much stress and not enough sleep. My chief coping mechanisms involve too many cigarettes, too much coffee, trying to stay on my medication schedule and reaching out to friends to buoy my flagging spirits.
One coping mechanism I employ daily now is my mantra "things can always be worse". I have a daily reminder of that fact. A soul sister of mine, who I met when I moved into my apartment in June of this year, has lupus. Without compromising her privacy, she is beset by unpredictable, debilitating illness, with symptoms waxing and waning hourly, prohibiting her ability to work or looking forward to any plans involving fun. She is recovering from major surgery, back at her apartment now, which she shares with her adorable rescue dog, Charlie, and her cat. Since I am unemployed, I am attempting to help her in her dog-walking duties, with the operative word being "duty". Charlie is a much more cooperative walking partner than my stubborn, ill trained Scottish Terrier, MacGregor. Whereas Charlie looks for his directional cues from me, my wild man, Mac, makes recent photos of President Obama's forays in walking their Portuguese water dog rescue, Bo, look like a walk in the park. Due to all past encounters between Mac and Charlie involving aggression on both fronts, I must walk them separately. Happy to provide my friend with the needed respite from the stressers of being unable to meet Charlie's outdoor activities, I walk Mac early in the morning, get him settled back in my apartment and then repeat the process with Charlie. Embarrassed to admit, I look considerably more unkempt than my two canine charges. After a visit from my daughter yesterday that ended at 2:30 a.m., I fell asleep in my clothes sans shower and shampooing. Sleep caught up to me and I awoke to jump out of bed, take my meds and run out the door with my dog, anxious to progress to walking my neighbor's pet. It was close to midday before I managed some personal grooming. Although, I have a roof over my head I am beginning to look otherwise. Personal time is at a premium.
Just getting out the door
That's about right
What's that smell?
Finished with my morning doggie duties, I head for the nearby Walgreen's to pick up a few small items and a prescription refill. I park the car and check the rear view mirror for any obvious disarray. Realizing I can't achieve the major overhaul desperately needed, I reach to retrieve my purse from the passenger side of my Miata. I know I will inspire no "va va va vooms" this morning. As I reach for my purse, heavy with everything but cash, I catch a whiff of something unpleasant....like dog "duty". I check out beneath my nose to my right shoulder and spot the culprit. Somehow, at the top right shoulder of my jacket was a dime-sized, dollop of dog dung. Uncharacteristically, I remained unfazed, found a napkin on the seat of my car, wiped it off while talking to myself like some of the homeless I saw daily at my last place of employment on Locust Street, downtown St. Louis. The only difference being they often were shouting obscenities, oblivious to their surroundings. I thought of my mantra, "it could be worse" as I laughed at what my circumstances have handed me...literally, another heaping helping of crap. Oh well, it could be worse, I could be shouting. Memorable from the movie, Forrest Gump, was the line, "my mama always said, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". My mama used to say, "wish in one hand, shit in the other".
Forrest Gump, A Story of Perserverance
You just never know
Change is the one thing inevitable in life. Every moment holds hope. I just got a call from the employment agency working to help me secure a job. The offer sounds promising, exciting, as I await the details on an interview. If not this, something will change tomorrow that is yet unknown. Until we pass from this existence to the next, every person lives their life with unknowns, surprises, setbacks and, hopefully, the will to survive for whatever is next in store for them. Life is exciting, scary, fun and difficult, and it's all we got. And so it goes...