21 "Please, Let Me Choose"

Please, Let Me Choose.

A short story.

I remember when it all started. I was in my mid 50’s when I had my first real issue with my health and when I went to the doctors I was told that I had an incurable problem. When the doctor told me this, the first thing I asked was, “How long”. He said it was in the early stages and really couldn’t give me anything as far as how long I had ‘till my end would come.

I went home that day and did a lot of thinking. I thought about my kids and grand-kids that I hadn’t been very close to and some of which I hadn’t seen in quite some time. I thought about my girlfriend and how much we had missed together. The one thing I never wanted to do is be a burden to anyone. I am more afraid of that than I am of dying.

I knew at the time there was a lot of controversy about “The Right to Die” and I was hoping that by the time my time came that controversy would be settled. Now that time is getting closer and I am starting to feel the weakness and some pain coming on from the disease and I have to start making some decisions. I can’t ask anyone to assist me with this and I can’t wait until I’m to weak to do it myself and I don’t want to end it before I have to.

I just don’t understand why a person doesn’t have the choice about when they can end their time here on this earth. That should be my choice and my loved ones should understand and if they really love me they would realize that I am doing this for them as well as for myself.

If I don’t end it now, then they will see me suffer, which I don’t want. The doctors will do their best to keep me alive and “as comfortable as possible”, all the time making as much money as they can from the office visits, hospital stays and prescription drugs to “keep me as comfortable as possible” for as long as possible. And in the meantime I am suffering in more ways than just the pain from the disease. I have to see everyday the pity and sadness on their faces. I have to deal with the fact that when this reaches a certain point someone will have to go out of their way to take me to the doctors. Someone will actually put their lives on hold to take care of me. I don’t want any of that and I especially don’t want to help make some doctor richer just because I’m dying.

I understand that there are a lot of reasons for people being against this choice. But the simple fact is that this should be my choice as long as I am sound of mind and should be no one else’s decision, especially someone that doesn’t know me or my feelings or my background. I am not dying but this is how I feel and I want other people to know how I feel when it does actually come my time. Please remember this is a story. One that I think about all of the time.

I don’t believe that anyone should try to persuade someone to choose to end their life or make that decision for them. But I do believe that everyone should have the right to make that their own decision. The person should be able to make that choice of when, where and even how his/her life should end. The right to live and die with dignity should be available to everyone. I personally don’t feel very dignified knowing people look at me with feelings of pity and sadness and feeling sorry for me. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I lived a good life, and raised my children that turned out to be some fantastic and loving adults, that have some great children of their own. So, don’t feel sorry for me. Just allow me my dignity when it does come my time.

Greg