She'd Rather Be Alone

...well you know me by now Amy - I love rescuing some of the older babies and go diving into the Hub archives for rich buried treasure and most writers/poets I would say are quite taken by this gesture - so without further adieu I will go a little Facebook crazy and share this link of a timeless classic by you and a particular subject which I know is still very personal and dear to you even to this day - so I will grace the group of Maria's (Writing and Music), the Hubpages Group and the Creative Writing with your words, your thoughts, and your sentiments which are always cherished by this humble colleague and friend of yours - lake erie time 3:18pm

hi there gerry sorry iv took so long i think this is the link

filling address ,give them a call ,say I told you to ring

What can I add to Bel's wonderful analysis and advice?

Amy.. your poem says it all. You are so brave and open and display that emotional core of yours... But perhaps your anger is not at others but at yourself. For letting the heart rule the head. The passion and love rule reason and rebellion.

But while this love can scorch and confound, it is what makes you who you are. Only you alone know the pain of carrying that precious burden inside you, loving that sweet bundle unconditionally, watch it grow and care, turn dependent and despondent, get angry at the ones who love her, and wish somehow you could get into her head and make her see WHAT you can see, feel WHAT you can feel.

But this is what makes you human. The answer perhaps is not to fight it , and frustrate yourself for caring... but in embracing the fact that you do care. Maybe think about how you express this care and affection so it HELPS the other person to grow, to mature and to learn to love you more.

A little bird that refuses to fly and expects to be fed well into its adulthood is not the mother's burden. Nudging it outside the nest is not cruelty. It may flap the wings pitifully and pretend to fall to the ground, but you know it CAN fly and you want it to enjoy the wind in its feathers. So you push a bit more while keeping an eye and making sure it is safe. IT squeals, chirps and ultimately moans that you are trying to kill it by pushing. You don't relent. The little bird finally knows there is no other alternative than to flap its wings and take flight. IT may feel aggrieved. But later , much later it will fly back to the nest and perhaps thank the motherbird for teaching the lesson of flight.

Threats, 'you don't care's', emotional blackmails are all the outward signs of innermost insecurities. show that you know this.

Dont' fight the battle SHE wants, in her arena. Take her out to your place, the place where you show how brave, how loving, how hard you have been in order to give her the best.. and maybe.. just maybe.. things will turn around.

But most of all, don't be afraid of caring, of responding, of reacting and loving despite all. Because that is the essence of that glorious entity called the Mother... ( and I wish I still had mine!)

Here endeth the Sermon! (Really Sorry! couldn't help to the see the pain and conflict in this piece of work...)

Love, Mohan.

Amy,

I am someone who values time to be alone, and I like your poem very much. But after reading all the comments, I'm as impressed by your soap opera situation as much as your verse.

I understand completely the burden you are struggling to shed, the confining and suffocating demands for your time and energy that you are being asked to expend on someone for whom it will never be enough.

Listen to Bel, she is spot on with her analysis and advice.

Your writing reveals you are a sensitive and artistic person, but this neighbor is a succubus and will drain you.

Take care of yourself.

Write on!

CP

Ah! The thrill and the pain of a parent. Like salt and pepper, what do I put on life today? Well, I've got 4 and 40 years of joy and worry, only to find that in the end, the worry was needless and the joy immeasurable. Why am I still worried?

Amy, when you look in the rear view mirror, you'll see wondeful and loving images of yourself! All that you give, all that you share and the sacrifices you make are loving examples of who you truly are! The support and comradship (is this a word!!?) you give to us here at HP's and the heartfelt ways in which you share your true understanding of what others are going through, make you a rare and wonderful soul who we are so fortunate to have met. What you are doing for your neighbor, even so trying at times, will be a sweet memory one day. you'll be forever glad that you helped out. It seems, sometimes...no! maybe MOST of the time, that this life is a very trying and testing environment...and it IS..but, you're riding the wave in grand style and, if there is a thing such as good karma...Amy! You've GOT IT! One day, I'll write a hub about my father, living in my home the last several years of his life...I felt confined and imprisoned st times but, now that that page in my history is past, I am so glad I did what I did for him..and I know you're feeling pressured and that it seems there just isn't enough of you to go around to those in need but, just think how lucky and relieved the people you touch are for that human, humane gesture. Keep your chin up, my dear...."this,too, shall pass."

Kathy

Take up drinking? LOL! That will be the first step to another hell on this earth, Amy. Rather take up the most interesting hobbies, like writing, which you already did, and reading and studying, etc, that can stimulate your mind. Cut the navel string and learn to love her without making her problems yours. She was your problem for 18-21 years, your time to make life easier for her is over now. Sometimes a mother has to be cruel to be kind. It is now time for your daughter to prove herself (to herself), either as a winner or a loser. All you can do is to encourage her to be a winner. After all, you have to keep on proving yourself (to yourself). It is impossible for a mother to prove the abilities of her children, and she should not even try to do it. Take care and enjoy Christmas.

Nice hub. It's also nice to see another St. Louis person on here.

Yeah, ya buy them books and dolls, send to school and this ... I am glad mine are all gone now. No more clamour.

Great write and I love the music. Thank you Dear!

Amy, I am just like you. All I can say is practice make perfect. You will forever fall in traps, over and over, but everytime it is easier to free yourself. Only people like us know how many vampiers lives on this planet. They love the blood of soft-hearted women, and of course there are men like us too. My heart is too soft, but thank heavens my mind is too strong. I (the mind) act like a mother to Myself (my heart). Myself is a diligent, kind and hard-working little girl who want to keep everybody happy, but a rebel burning her fingers over and over again, while my mind is a strict mother. I can sense your mind has been made up. Now you can crown it as the mother of that soft heart of yours. It works. Only sometimes not. Then its taking little girl to hospital again to take care of her wounds... :)) Well-well. But you are on the right track. Take care of YOURSELF, for nobody else will do it for you - except when they feel like you about your neighbor. Hugs for you - xxxxx

For me to be alone is like being in the promise land after an eternity in a desert. In my 20 years of solitude there were two short phases in which I (deeply depressed) thought I should not be alone, but with a partner. Both times it was interesting and exciting experiences, but in fact merely affirmatives that I should not complicate my life with a fulltime partner. It is too hard work to adapt to them not to talk about making their happiness your first priority. I really have many other more interesting and exiting challenges in my life than men. Every time I give one half a chance to prove to me that he is admirable, respectable and loveable, I am rewarded with shock and disappointment. Bad choices, I know, but how is it possible to know in time whether you have chosen the good? What would you think of a lecturer at a university (that was number one) and a gospel preacher (number two)? Bad choices? You can’t tell before you start living with them if you are able to tolerate their true (mostly boyish) selves. Great poem, and very-very thought-provoking (as you’ve notice in my comment).

Ref your neighbor - I agree wholeheartedly with Bel Marshall. I have stop allowing people to use and abuse me. You should love your fellowman AS you love yourself and not MORE or less than you love yourself.

Amy,

Let's just say in this case I have been there, done that and I have burned the stinking t-shirt. It's not an easy process but it does get easier as you go. :)

Amy,

That is more than acceptable. I agree if you refuse (and remember NO is always an appropriate answer even if she doesn't like it)enable this poor behavior she will be forced to accept something other than running you over and down.

Amy,

Turn the tables on her and hold your ground when doing so. Pick up a couple of brochures or even call have them sent for assisted living facilities. Remind her that you will be going back to work and what will she do then? Ask her what will happen if you aren't there?

These facilites work with SSDI, etc... and rent is based on income usually. They have people there 24/7 to attend to the needs of their residents, etc...

If she continues to give you grief, offer to make a call to social services as she clearly can't be on her own and needs help.

I know it sounds harsh but your sanity in the balance here. It's not easy to stand your ground with someone like this but she is taking advantage of you because she has worn out everyone else.

Amy,

I want you to think about something, actually a couple of somethings.

1. Why is her well being more important than your own?

2. Why do you think most people are stunned when someone commits suicide? I'll answer that. Because those who are really going to do it; don't talk about it.

Place value on yourself and quit letting this emotional/energy vampire suck you dry.

OK, inspired for another hub. Take care of you FIRST, you are worthy and deserving of being valued.

I have found that "alone" time is something to be valued.

Also reading the last comment you posted here. You are not a blockhead. It is hard when someone pulls the sympathy card to manipulate someone else.

Baby steps...and stop beating yourself up.

As strange as it may seem to some, being alone is sometimes the greatest freedom one can find. to look around and feel unencumbered, with no expectations and no hoops to jump through. I love my lone time, to read, write, just be. I agree with Bobbirant that 'alone can be good for the soul.' Yes. you see what you are capable of, how much more of you there is. I spend much time alone, myself; sometimes, I almost feel frozen in place just thinking, musing, imagining, fantasizing. I'd hate to have to have 'noise' around me all the time..that only serves to help one avoid oneself. Very real and true. Even when forced into a situation of being alone, it can be a good thing in the end. Great one!

I prefers "solitude" to "alone". I can do fine in social settings, bu also enjoy the peace and serenity that only solitude can bring. Thank you for sharing.

I'm an only child, and being alone has always been a good thing when I'm not in the spot light. Unfortunatly there are no in betweens it seems.

This was beautiful. It got down there inside me to a place where I don't venture often. We all love you and your work Amy. I've got no doubt, you're going places with your writing.

jim

Alone can be good for the soul. You know, my first apartment away from that horrible first marriage, was heaven on earth. No furniture, no TV and two young boys. But the silence, peace and no stress was wonderful. I walked through that place when the boys were asleep that first night saying: "I call this mine, not his, but all mine." I can say that for 11 years, like this poem, I'd rather be alone back then. Great write and I relate to every stanza. Great job, sometimes putting into words just how I felt when first set free, on my own.