Women....learn How to Live Alone While Learning to Live
Women........ learn to live alone, and I mean that in more ways than one. Of course, I am referring to residing alone, but also living alone emotionally. I'm sure my sentiments are echoed millions of times around the world. You see, in some circles we women tend to lose our identity when we get married, and/or have children. Upon leaving the security of our childhood home, we enter into various relationships, marriage, cohabitation, motherhood, or just roomies. We sometime think that if we find ourselves alone, it would be a crime. That being said, I'd like to offer some wise, sage, advice, (tongue in cheek). Although, I do feel that I have something to offer in this regard.
To begin with, I was married relatively young. I left my mother's house right after graduation from high school, married my husband, and became a mother all in one year. I was, in one fell swoop, my mothers daughter, my husband's wife, and my children's mother, never knowing what it was like to be my own person, and at the time I didn't mind. I, also never a thought to the fact that I would ever be alone, I was just happy to be all of those things.
I guess, though, in some ways I was preparing all alone for just this occasion. You see, while I was married, I never completely depended on my husband to do everything for me, that some feel a man should do for a woman. This was not, me, being independent, it's just that I did not want to unduly burden my husband, because he was a very hard working man, so when I could, I would tend to take away some of the pressure. For instance, I learned to assemble small items, such as furniture, toys etc. Whenever my husband began a home improvement project, I would stand over him and ask questions, at times that annoyed him, however, I would simply explain that I was just curious, and really wanted to know. As a result, I learned a lot of the things I'm using today, now that I am single. I had a friend say once that she didn't even know how to change a light bulb, how sad.
I can install a toilet, (surprisingly simple), water faucets, door knobs, and perform other various and sundry home repairs, all due, in large part, to my curiosity while I was still married. I can also perform minor auto repairs. Of course, there are many other things I've learned since being alone. That being the case, I feel I am qualified to pass along my experiences.
One of the things that cost most of us, women, as well as men, a lot of money, is car repair. We can minimize the cost in a number of ways.
One way is to be alert to potential problems. I usually advise anyone with a car, to get familiar with your car, just as you are with your body, meaning, know how your car, sounds, smells, looks and feels.
At least once a week, drive about an hour, or at least to work and back, without the radio or CD player, etc, you don't want to drown out potential problems with your music. Some automobile problems manifest themselves through sound, so, knowing how your car sounds, if a strange noise occurs you can readily recognize the difference.
Now to the smells. I never use those car deodorizers, they tend to obscure any odors that could alert you to potential problems, with things like your radiator. Radiator problems, usually, manifests themselves with an odor that reminds me of a pot that is still on the stove after the water is all boiled out. That same odor also could be indicative of a bad water pump. You will only know this if you are not obscuring it with a deodorizer. Also, when your car is throwing, or leaking oil, you will be able to identify that odor.
When it comes to the appearance and feel, if you are observant you will be able to see, for instance, suspicious smoke coming from the hood or tail pipe. And,being familiar with the way your car feels, if it should develop something different, like a vibration or a shimmy, you will be able to recognize it. You can also minimize the cost by having periodic overall check-ups, by a reputable repair shop. I highly recommend that you educate yourself on the basic operations of your automobile.
A trick that I learned, to avoid being the victim of auto repair ripoffs, is to use jargon that only mechanics would know. Every car that I purchase, I go to my local auto supply store and purchase the do it yourself manual, of course that same information can now be found on the Internet. Sometimes you can bluff them with just using terminology that sounds as if you know what you're talking about. If they feel that you know something about your automobile, they will be less apt to try to "put one over on you," as it were. I reiterate become familiar with the way that your car, sounds, smells, looks and feels, and educate yourself as much as possible, concerning the total operation of your vehicle. I strongly recommend that you learn to perform minor maintenance on your auto, such as checking and/or topping off all of the fluids, also checking for frayed or broken wires. Checking the tires, and keeping them properly inflated. Doing just these things can offset major repairs.
Minor home repairs are another source of money drain. If you have a man in your life that is handy, ask questions, get actively involved, help out, don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. I would ask repairmen that came to my home, what they were doing, and why they were doing it that way, tactfully of course. Most times, they would only have to come once for that problem, unless it required brute strength, even if it surfaced again. I also have do it yourself manuals, for almost anything, find those at your local, do it yourself hardware store. Make friends with the salesperson, don't be afraid to ask them questions, even, taking pen and paper to jot down helpful advice. In addition, with the advent of the Internet, do it yourself advice is readily available. Don't be afraid to tackle small, odd jobs yourself, even while you have a man to lean on, or at least offer to help during minor repairs. This advice could be applied while your are still living at home with your dad or brother or any male living in the home.
Being alone emotionally is oftentimes troublesome for some, they tend to feel that to be happy, a companion is always necessary. However, no one is responsible for your happiness, but you. The statement about, "being completed," by your mate, is just that, a statement. You see, if you don't come whole to a relationship, you have little to offer, and the less you have to offer the less you will receive. Realize your worth, and act accordingly.
Most of us go into a relationship thinking it is for a lifetime, rightly so, however, we should take into account that they sometimes end, either through breakup or death. If we have placed our complete happiness in the hands of another, and they don't fulfill our expectations it could destroy us. So, while you are in a working relationship you should learn to have a life of your own. For instance, have your space and give your mate their space, maybe going shopping alone, or just out with friends apart from your mate.
Learn how to be alone, even when you don't have to. So if that unfortunate circumstance should occur, you will be prepared to go it alone, if necessary. Being alone does not necessarily have to be lonely. Today, there's so many ways to make friends with others that have similar situations. What about just learning to be alone with your thoughts, or a good book, maybe a good movie. Never say, "I don't know what I'll do if that happens to me," because the truth is you won't know what to do, so do give it some thought.
Some good advice that I learned early on, is for a woman to establish her own credit apart from her mate, so that, if ever you're alone you will have your own identity in the financial world. Learn how to list your phone number, if you want to even list it, use initials, instead of your whole name. Learn how to protect yourself, maybe taking self defense classes, always be prepared for any eventuality. Never say, "I don't know what I would do if I'm ever attacked," because you won't know what to do. Always have a plan in whatever situation you might find yourself. For instance, walking to your car, always carry your keys in your hand, with at least one key sticking through your fingers.
Upon entering your home, after turning off the burglar alarm, which is what is recommended that you have, immediately close and lock your door. If you don't have an alarm, enter with caution, carefully observing your surroundings. Never establish a pattern of travel from your job, or school. Keep all windows and doors closed after hours, especially when you're alone. There is lots more I could add, however I recommend you purchase a book on this subject from amazon, some are listed below, in this hub, under, "amazon." You can also go to your local law enforcement agency for more advice. See below, for various self help manuals!
Living alone does not have to be the end all, be all in your life. You have the option to make it what you want it to be. So, using this advice, and your own common sense, make it the best it can be.
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