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Why women cheat

Updated on September 13, 2014
For most women its more about the closness. The emotional side,  something thats missing at home.
For most women its more about the closness. The emotional side, something thats missing at home.

Visual v. Emotional

 Men by nature are visual creatures. They can be excited by the sight of a woman whom they percieve to be sexual. The woman maybe totally unaware of this since different things turn men on. They may be excited by a porn movie, a sexual scene in a movie, or the girl next door. This explains why your man can not walk down the street with you and not get whiplash looking at the hottie who passes by. (To you she may not be all that).

Women on the other hand are more emotionally involved. They tend to see more with their hearts and not their eyes. That is not to say we do not recognize a nice form when we see it, we are just more conservative (look but don't touch...don't even think about it). The love of a woman is fed mostly by emotions. Stability, love, security, trust, closeness and a sense of togetherness, knowing he's there is what excites a woman. Knowing he's her man and her man alone.

So what do you do when these charaters clash?? Sometimes it can be down right ulgy, other times it can destroy the self-esteem of the woman. It is often the end of a relationship when the man sees it as a one night stand and the woman sees it as a loss of trust, a sign that he no longer loves her or is  no longer attracted to her.


The Woman Who Cheats

 Usually by the time a woman cheats her relationship at home is in serious trouble. Something is missing that is vital to her sense of self, self-respect, selfworth, or self-esteem. She is missing something emotionally.

Most men by nature are not emotional creatures (not all). They do not express emotions as openly as a woman. This may be due to their upbringing or the fact that they have been hurt and have closed off that part of their psyhe to the new woman in their life. It is often difficoult for them to understand why something that is insignificant to them is such a big deal to her. This leaves the woman feeling abandoned and alone.

The "other man " is not usually someone she went out looking for, rather someone who just happened to be there at a crucial time. In most cases it starts out innocent. Since men are mostly visually stimulated, many (again, not all) are able to have a fling, feel no guilt, and even go from the lovers bed to the wife's, without ever a second thought. In reality they never stop loving the's just a fling. rarely does the man leave the wife (in most cases). Therefore the relationship is based mostly on sex. This is not to say a man does not fall in love with another. He may have feelings for the "other woman, but rarely strong enough to leave his wife"'.

The woman who cheats on the other hand, tends to become emotionally involved. it is not so much the sex, as the attention, the closness, the holding, and someone who listens to what she says, hanging on her every word even if it is something trivial. In many instances she will make the trade off of sex to have someone hold her close and not just when they want sex. If the situation lasts long enough she will become emotionally attached to the "other man" and the fantasies she has of this person will become enough for her to walk away from the relationship that causes her pain. By the time she decides to leave it is often too late to salvage what was once the marriage or relationship she has. It is often a very difficult decision and may take months to reach this point. But at some point if her emotional needs are not met at home she will make the choice to go. She will most likely suffer pangs of regret for what was lost, guilt that may take a long time to get over, even feel bad for hurting her partner.



For Men: How To Affair Proof Your Relationship Or Marriage

How long has it been since you walked in and told your woman how great she looks, or how wonderful the dinner she worked to make you was? How long since you just held her, not wanting sex, but just to hold her and be there. Do you really listen to her when she talks to you or is she heard only when a commercial comes on between the big game?

When she gets ready for bed, even if its in one of your old T-shirts and panties, do you ever observe her naked and tell her how sexy and desirable she is to you? Do you ever watch her let down and brush her hair, apply her makeup, or watch her get dressed or undressed? These things can be sexually stimulating to a man and appreciated by the lady in your life. It means you haven't forgotten her, that you remember the first sparks, that you appreciate her and that she is not just someone who cleans your house, has your children, cooks and does laundry. She is secure knowing that you are still in love with her.

Now for some DON'TS:

1. Don't comment if she has put on a few pounds.

2. Don't tell her how the hardware store girl flirted with you, she may laugh but deep inside it hurts.

3. Don't comment on the female co-worker continously.

4. Don't say we'll talk about it later if it is obvious it is something she needs to get out now.

5. Don't treat her like the maid, the nanny, or like she owes you. Keeping a home and family are hard jobs too.

6. Don't make rude comments on the days she forgets makeup, walks around in sweats all day, or keeps her hair in that annoying ponytail you may hate so much.

7. PLEASE!!! Don't tell her how much you would like to heve a three-way, or how hot her girlfriend is. While she may laugh, some things are better kept to ones self. This makes her feel like her she not enough for you. Once said it can't be taken back. (If this is the type relationship you have and are comfortable with it and SHE is..Its your choice. ) I don't think I could ever get out of my mind the image of my man making love to another woman.


1. Remind her that you still love her often, and not while your having sex.

2. Tell her how sexy she is, even if she knows this...she still needs to hear it from you.

3. Instead of rolling over after sex and falling asleep tell her how great it was and how much you miss and think of her when your gone.

4. Let her know that you appreciate the things she does, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids...AND YOU.

5. Really listen when she talks. What is trival to you may be very important to her. Remember that while you work all day(and we ladies do appreciate this) she is home with the kids and you can only have so much conversation with a 5 year old. She needs some adult connection to "let it out sometimes".

6. If you feel something is wrong...don't just expect her to fix it, it takes two to tango.

7. Last but certainally not least, give her some personal space, some down time. AND remember why you fell in love with her in the first place and share the memories with her. I promise you she thinks of them often. They are often what gets her through the day.

I know it seems like alot to you gentlmen, but it means the world to us women. You may actually be suprised at the results HMMM.

For The Ladies

 LADIES: Some of us may be guilty of the same neglect. Your man needs to know that you love and appreciate him also. Remind him often that you love him and that appreciate him and are always there for him. REMEMBER all of these things work both ways.

Lastly before jumping into an affair, try talking to your partner, your real feelings, and your needs. remember he can't read your mind and doesn't usually think on the emotional girly level we do. If you can't talk it out between you two, give marriage counseling a shot. You have alot to lose and much more to gain if you can understand each other and the needs of each person in the relationship.

These things are meant to be useful and things I discovered through doing a research on infidelity in women.

Best of LUCK and LOVE to you all.

Be Honest Here

Ladies, how many of you feel the above way and have thought of cheating?

See results

For You Guys

How many of you do the above things to make your woman feel special and appreciated?

See results


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    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Hey PM,

      So good to see you. I want to say i appreciate you so much as a fan. I really do believe that women are more emotionally vested in relationships. They usually (again not all) do not cheat just because a guy looks good. And i like you think that a man often confuses love and sex or combines the two, associating one with the other. For instance if you have been cleaning house and tending the kids all day and he comes in and wants to get him a little,if you refuse he equates this with you don't love him and are rejecting him. Thanks so much for dropping by.

      warmest regards,


    • pmccray profile image


      10 years ago from Utah

      This hub was really great and you are spot on with so many points. Especially the reasoning behind why the different sexes cheat.

      Most women, not all, are emotionally vested in relationships and will cheat only if our emotional needs are not met. Most men don't have the foggiest idea of what true affection is, unless it leads to sex.

      Excellent read.

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Pisean, Cheeky and Rasenstars,

      Thanks for dropping by. I really appreciate your comments and feed back. I think it is very important not to take your partner for granted.Rasen I wish my significant other would take the time to read alot of the hubs I read also, we as women are very emotional creatures and an emptiness in this area does often lead to affairs. It is important to be able to talk to your partner and as Cheeky said "trust" is an important issue.

      Warmest regards,


    • rasenstars1 profile image


      10 years ago

      I wish my husband would listen if I asked him to read this. More men need to. Great job, and thank you.

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 

      10 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      There are so many ways to telling another person we love them that don't have to involve words or sentences. People who really know each other so well have a kind of telepathy between them, and each knows what the other sometimes even without asking. That said, I hate taking my partner for granted. I count my blessings every day. Trust is a big issue here too. Thanks for a very interesting hub.

    • pisean282311 profile image


      10 years ago

      this is nice read..

    • Lance Crowe profile image

      Lance Crowe 

      10 years ago

      Hey Chris,

      I wouldn’t call myself a 10, nobody’s perfect. I think I just approach things with an attitude of making sure that I’m someone worth being with rather than trying to make sure she doesn’t want to be with anyone else. There are too many variables in the world, but I control what I can which is basically just myself while many other guys mess up and become insecure. After that, everything else seems to just fall into place.

      I’ll admit, most of the time, it’s the small things: “I thought you might like this…” or “good luck on that project you’ve been working on lately” or even just reading up on the things that interest her so we have something to talk about. I guess listening and paying attention are my secret weapons, lol.

    • Shona Venter profile image

      Shona Venter 

      10 years ago from South Africa

      So many good points here, Chris. I think that couples often tend to start taking each other for granted after a while, and can forget what drew them close to each other initially.

      It is always extremely important to let your spouse/partner know how much you appreciate what they do for you, as well simply appreciating them for being who they are.

      I, for one, could never ever cheat on my spouse, because having come from a relationship which ended because of him cheating on me, I know exactly how the 'left out party' feels. I have made myself the promise that when Mr Right becomes a part of my life, I will cherish and appreciate him until the very end. No exceptions.

      Voted up :-)

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Dallas Texas


      So great to see you again. I found the study facinating.I think it produced some Great ideas. The grass is rarely greener on the other side and often we forget that with the passage of time the passion may seem to wane but actually I have found that it changes into the feeling of knowing that that person is and always will be there for you. To keep that first time feeling you get when you are first together you would have to change lovers about every three months...I don't know about you but I'm too old for that, it would wear me out. HA HA!!

      Warmest regards,


    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Dallas Texas


      thanks so much for your comment. Remember I said "not all men". And what you described would be fantastic, it would be obvious that you loved and appreciated your girl. I am not saying tell her you love her every five minutes, that would make it meaningless or make me think that you were trying to convince yourself more than me. It seems to me you are one of the special ones out there and of course no one does all the things all the time, but looks like you are about as close to perfect as a guy can get. Your woman is very lucky and I'm sure she appreciates it. As for the commercialisim of the special days there have been many times when all myself and my guy had was each other and those are some of my best memories. it is easy to have someone stay with you in the good times, but hanging in there in the bad ones...Thats love. As far as your actions being good enough ...your probally considered a 10.

      warmest regards,


    • Lance Crowe profile image

      Lance Crowe 

      10 years ago

      I subscribe to the actions speak louder than words mentality. Sure I’d say how glad I am you’re in my life and all that, but if I spirit you away for a weekend getaway and have everything that you would have packed because I took the time to notice your favorite outfits down to the accessories and took a picture of what you packed (when you weren’t looking) last time we traveled so that I could get your makeup and everything that you could possibly pack to include the items you mentioned forgetting the last time, it seems pretty evident that I think you’re worth my time and energy. And for the trip, here’s a book on the subject that you mentioned an interest in a few weeks ago.

      I remember the best Valentine’s Day I ever had was when my girl told me that she didn’t want to get wrapped up in the commercialism of it all. I sincerely replied that most guys would do it out of obligation or an effort to get laid, but I really felt that she was worth it. We went to a resort, but the best part was roasting marshmallows and making s’mores.

      With all that, we both rarely say that we love each other. She reciprocates with things that let me know she cares too. So now I’m curious now, when dealing with a Type-A female, I’m guilty of none of the “Don’ts” and consistently accomplished about half of the “Dos.” Is that really not good enough.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      10 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This was a really good article. The grass is rarely greener on the other side, we just sometimes think it is.

      I liked the voting aspect, it was fun.

      Thank you and cheers


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