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3 Tried and True Tips On How To Find The One Online

Updated on April 5, 2018
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Lily is a lifestyle writer for The Bolde, content creator for Trenchless Marketing Inc. and children's book illustrator.

Create A DETAILED profile.

I am not talking about the 5 sentences that discuss your love of long walks on the beach. I mean getting into the nitty-gritty of who you are. In a lot of ways, the introduction of yourself on your profile is like a first date. People are going to scroll through your information and see if you match up to what they are looking for. This includes profile pictures, interests, profession, lifestyle, and personality. You, in an odd way, are marketing yourself when you create an online profile. The more information you give, the more a person has an idea of who you are and if they would make a great match. This also shows you are serious and that you aren't here for a quick night of fun, you are a well-rounded person who is interested in a long-lasting and committed relationship. You are showing what you can offer to those who wish for the same things. How do you show them you are kind, faithful, interesting, committed, and passionate? By writing about it and showing examples, of course!

A solid sense of self will help a person to lead a full and happy life. - Kimberly Elise
A solid sense of self will help a person to lead a full and happy life. - Kimberly Elise

Make an end of profile "code word".

Yeah, that whole thing about a long profile? Guess what- a TON of people won't read it. In fact, according to AnswerLab, men spent 65% more time looking women's online portfolio photos.

That's the point. You might think "Wait...what?? I spent all that time busting out a 2,000 essay on myself and you are telling me that's a GOOD THING that people won't look?" Yup. Why? You'll know who is reading your content and making the effort and who isn't. How? Add a small comment near the end of your profile stating to use a code word at the start of the message they draft to you, or you won't respond. This code word can be anything, from "Blue" to "Pineapple". It can be silly or weird or something you love. As long as its a word that usually wouldn't start a conversation, you are good to go! While this seems odd, it does save a lot of time knowing who read through your profile and who didn't. Due to the code word being in the front of the conversation, you won't even have to click on messages that do not have it, saving time, energy and your eyes from an unwarranted comment.

Those that read through and give the code word are clearly detail oriented, genuinely want to know more about you, and are committed to understanding who you are at a basic level. These are the people that took time out of their day to really read what you spent time and effort into instead of skimming through your profile pics and sending a quick "Hey :) " because of that one photo you have with short shorts.

Show off your best side with well thought through photos.

Yes yes, I know. I just had you write a whole essay about yourself and showed you how to ignore the men looking for something that isn't a long-term, committed relationship. So why should looks matter if a man is thoughtful, kind, loyal and into who you are as a person?

Well because it is part of the package deal, whether you like it or not. People will rate you based on your appearance. Fear not, you don't have to be drop-dead gorgeous to attract quite a few kind and cute men with big hearts. You do, however, have to show your best side. Photos that are in bad lighting or hide your face are immediately suspicious in terms of cat-fishing. You want to show all of yourself in the best light possible, and creating a trustworthy look. Obscuring half of your face leaves people wondering WHY you are doing that, and what you might be hiding. It also shows carelessness. You put so much time into your essay of yourself only to fall flat on one bad photo? No way. You don't have to hire a professional photographer, but you should try to take a clean photo.

Dressing is also important, and your background and dress is an extension of who you are, what you like, and what you are around. A bathroom photo with a tank top and sweats isn't going to scream "I am trustworthy and take good care of myself and others!" It says "Eh, I just made this profile or whatever. Hope you all like it." That is not the attitude someone who is looking for a long-term committed relationship wants to hear. Effort shows commitment, so go show them! A clean background shot with casual but still coordinated clothes does wonders to show your positive traits through photographs. You will get many more men reaching out to you who have positive traits and qualities and showcase them in their own profile by putting the best version of yourself forward, I promise!

With these 3 tips, you should find it much easier to weed out unwanted advances and attract the right guy to you! Now go out there and write!

© 2018 Lily Wolfe


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      9 months ago

      "...according to AnswerLab, men spent 65% more time looking women's online portfolio photos." Probably more like 85%!

      Let's face online it dating is the equivalent to online shopping. No one bothers to read the profile of someone they feel is ugly/unattractive!

      Men in particular are not going to say: "I think she's unattractive but I'm going to go ahead and invest my time taking her out and spending my hard earned money to get to know her better." Looks matter big time! They always have and they always will.

      Fortunately however: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

      Not every guy is looking for the same type of woman.

      Here's a something else women should know: You can't control which men find (you) attractive. Millions of men are attracted to Halle Berry, Kim Kardashian, Gigi Hadid, Jennifer Lopez, and whomever else. You can't help which guys find you attractive.

      It's not about (who) you attract but rather who (you) find attractive. Nothing happens until (you) say "yes" to someone else.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process/"must haves list".

      Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      The ultimate goal is to be loved and appreciated for who you are. Therefore present yourself as you are. No "bait & switch" tactics.

      Last but not least imagine you are "the guy" you'd want and ask yourself: "If I were (him) would I want me?"

      You can't look like Rosanne Barr and expect to date Brad Pitt.

      Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless (you) are star!

      Too often people create a "must haves list" of which doesn't reflect what (they) themselves have to offer in return.

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys.

      You can cultivate the traits you believe your "ideal mate" would want in a mate or you can change (your requirements) to reflect your reality.

      Don't use an outdated photo and if you're overweight don't say you have a "few pounds" to lose. If someone were hitting you upside your head 30 times; Would you call that a "few"?

      Everyone has and is entitled to have their own "preferences".

      Some men refuse to date overweight women.

      Some women refuse to date men who are shorter than them.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!


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