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7 Ways To Reduce A Quarrel

Updated on April 18, 2010

Disagreements must come, but the approach to them is a measure of one's emotional strength and maturity. A disagreement may become an argument between persons that can get very heated spiraling into a quarrel of fire. A quarrel can be so loud, deafening and disrespectful that the only things achieved are wounded egos, broken hearts and a damaged relationship. It doesn't have to reach to that stage, because it can be reduced or even avoided by the willingness to and diligence in practicing healthy communicative habits.

"The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel." George Bernard Shaw  

Phrases To Avoid:

  • "Whatever!"
  • "Do whatever you want!"
  • "Shut up!"
  • "I don't care!"
  • "F*ck you!"
  • "You are not listening!"
  • "You NEVER _________!"
  • "You ALWAYS _________!"
  • "I hate you!"

  1. Avoid Yelling: Heated arguments many times turn out to be shouting competitions. Yelling is surely not a good way to make your point, especially when you have a competitor. Who listens to who? Where there is no listening, communication is at a standstill. Yelling is like an accelerant to an existing fire, and solves nothing. Even if the other is yelling, make an effort to keep your volume level to the usual. At times, it may be better to say nothing at all.
  2. Avoid Curse Words: When angry, these words can be on the tip of the tongue and without thinking - out they come. They may cast a bad image on you in certain contexts, but they also can emotionally wound the person you argue with.
  3. Avoid Being Mean: If there is a time when the most 'low blows' in terms of hurtful words are thrown, it is when one is angry. Avoid this with all your might, because the effects of hurtful words being spoken to the other can last for years. They cannot be taken back once released, and apologizing will not reverse the effects of them.
  4. Be An Active Listener: In the heights of an argument, your capacity to listen is highly tested. Emotions and the unction to make your point can strongly fight against your desire to understand what the other is truly saying. It is quite common to interpret what is being said in the negative way to suit your particular viewpoint. Listening takes effort and is a sacrifice, but it has its rewards. Read about 7 Crucial Listening Habits To Improve Relationships.
  5. Apologize: "Why apologize when I did nothing wrong?" In your eyes you may have done nothing wrong, and logically what you believe may make sense. However, in the realm of emotions and feelings, logic may not quite cut it. People of all sorts have issues, and what may not even remotely disturb you, may tremendously affect another. Apologize in the context of empathy for the other, and this can be soothing water to the fire of a quarrel.
  6. Avoid Righteous Competition: Humans like to be right! This desire is evident throughout history and everyday observation. It is a desire that is so strong that it has propelled nations to war. Compromise is an important practice in relationships, and is respectfulness in action. Even though it may not be practical in all arguments, the attitude to make a compromise can lessen the heat of an argument.
  7. Be Calm and Assertive: "Be calm and assertive," Cesar Millan (The Dog Whisperer). This is a principle that not only applies to the a person in relation to his/her dog, but to people in all sorts of relationships. Being calm is paramount, as your calm energy mixed with assertiveness can manage the atmosphere making it more conducive for reasonable conversation. The person who can remain calm and assertive in a heated argument can set the tone for the other who may not be in such a state of mind.

It is possible to disagree agreeably.


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    • theblackedition profile imageAUTHOR

      Shane Brown-Daniels 

      6 years ago from USA

      Thanks Jynzly!

    • Jynzly profile image

      Jenny Pugh 

      6 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Very enlightening.


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