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A Guaranteed Cure for Smoking

Updated on August 25, 2016

How to Buy Jewellery and Quit Smoking

When the Einsteins of this world are scheduled to compete against the De Greeks in intelligence contests early the following morning, they are not worried. They don’t mind staying up late drinking and partying and when they do eventually doze off in the early hours, they sleep with a peaceful and confident smile on their lips. They know that they are not in any danger of being embarrassed, because for centuries the De Greeks have not been known for winning prizes in anything that has to do with brain activity. You will understand why the Einsteins approach the matter with some confidence, from the following story.

The scene is set in Johannesburg, South Africa, in the lobby of the New World Hotel. I had checked out at the required noon checkout time and was enjoying an after lunch cigar with my coffee in the restaurant situated in the lobby of the hotel, with an employee who was to drive me to the airport for my flight home.

There is an oddity about this restaurant, in that it is situated in the centre of the oval shaped lobby, open on all sides, with shops strategically placed all around in order to better remind the visiting businessmen that their loved ones at home might welcome them better if they are carrying a good quality souvenir from South Africa.

I had no intention of buying anything and being a seasoned traveller, I always carried a special bag which the airlines allowed on board as carry-on-luggage, in order to avoid wasting time in both check in and arrivals, so I had no means of carrying possible purchases in any case.

However, a group of the local native fauna arrived and sat at the next table. They had guns strapped to their waists, blond beards swimming in large mugs of beer, merrily chirping in Afrikaans and looking as if they would not mind a bit of a punch up to brighten their uneventful day. So I left my employee to look after my bag and went for window shopping at the shops surrounding the restaurant.

I stopped at the very first shop window with my mouth opening and closing in my usual fish like impression when I am moved. There was only one item in the window and nothing else. It was placed on a mannequin and it was the first time I had even seen a full length mink coat which flared at the hem. Flared, mind you! It was an unusual thing of captivating beauty. Something inexplicable kept me rooted to the spot and despite the fact that we De Greeks are normally men of steel and can resist anything, my legs appeared to have a mind of their own and of their own volition they eventually carried me into the store.

The owner of the store was a very sweet Jewish old man and when he saw my interest in his prized possession, he took the mink coat off the mannequin and placed it on the pretty young sales girl he had working for him who walked and swirled around to show it off to the best possible advantage. I imagine that it was an accident that she was tall and slim and the coat suited her to perfection.

I was hooked. I asked the price and the nice Jewish man told me in a somewhat embarrassed manner, obviously waiting for me to make a counter offer. Regrettably, the De Greeks cannot do two things at the same time and as I was trying to convert the local currency into something comprehensible, I missed my chance. My mental calculations worked out the price to be the equivalent of US$5,600. I thought of the expression on my wife’s face when she received the unexpected present and I consented. I handed over my Visa card and the coat was placed in a silk cover and handed to me. It was heavy and it was big so it was obvious I needed to buy a new bag especially for it.

The shopkeeper pointed me to his cousin next door who sold genuine leather bags. Very fortuitous. I walked into the bag shop next door and looked carefully around for something suitable and cheap. The only thing I really liked had pimples all over it on the outside and I did not like them, but the bag itself was otherwise perfection. I asked the price and it was steep. I remember thinking that $560 is exactly 10% of the cost of the mink coat itself and did I want to spend so much money on a bag? I asked them to bring the mink coat from next door and to put it in the bag to see if it fit. They reverentially opened the bag and put the coat inside. They then zipped the leather bag closed, folded it and strapped it. Perfect fit. I hefted it in my hand. Felt just right. What the hell? In for a penny, in for a pound!

My South African employee came in as they handed me the Visa payment slip to sign, which I was still going to bargain for. He had gotten fed up waiting for me at the restaurant and came to see what was keeping me.

“Nice ostrich leather” he said.

“Is that what it is? Do they all have those pimples”? I asked.

“Oh yes, it’s what distinguishes ostrich leather from the common or garden leather the Americans carry”.

What's this? Why did the Americans not carry ostrich? Are ostrich known for their communist affiliations? I don’t know why I asked for a calculator at that point, but I did. I punched in the numbers on the Visa payment slip I was expected to sign and the earth swooned all around me, as I realised why the Americans did not carry ostrich. I had made an error in my mental arithmetic and had left out a zero. The bag was not worth $560 but was worth $5,600, exactly the same as the mink coat.

We De Greeks may not be Einsteins, but we have our pride and we can bluff with the best of them. I asked for a similar skinned tiny lady’s evening handbag to be included which I was later to find out cost $1,400, signed the Visa payment slip and walked unsteadily out with my intense migraine as if nothing had happened.

Needless to say, my ex-wife was delighted with the present and in fact thought fit to entertain the judge in the divorce court with the anectode, to justify her high claim for monthly alimony during our divorce proceedings.

However, I subsequently made a tactical error by telling the story to my current wife. Though a woman with an excellent sense of humour, for some odd reason she was not amused in this instance, despite the humorous and entertaining way I playfully told the story.

She immediately made arrangements with the bank to get me new credit and debit Visa cards with specific limits which would embarrass a Buddhist monk carrying his rice bowl on his daily rounds to the believers. Even worse, she told me that she does not like surprises from someone who is obviously mentally challenged and who has no apparent concept of the value of money and if I want to get her a present to first discuss it with her, so she could know and approve the cost in advance. We De Greeks may be men of steel and we may generally rule the roost, but we also know what's good for us, so I agreed.

And that is how I ended up quitting smoking. I was in Saudi Arabia for business and one evening I went to the gold souk with my old friend Tony Chakieh, who is a permanent resident there. I suddenly saw in the window of a jeweller’s shop the most amazing Italian made necklace with matching bracelet and earrings.

If you can believe such a thing possible, the gold was woven into a fabric form. It looked like fabric and it almost felt like fabric when you touched it. It looks like a slim, imaginative, silk, delicate kerchief which is casually tied around the neck as if an afterthought and it is a shock when you get close and realise that the whole thing is made of 18ct gold. Now I ask you, could you possibly resist that?

My friend Tony happily paid for the gold with his own credit card on my promise to send him the money when I got back home.

My wife naturally appreciated the gesture, but since her word is law and I had given my word to obtain agreement from HQ for any such purchases, she decided that the only way I could possibly pay for her present, was to stop smoking and use the funds saved towards the purchase of her gold. I now patiently look forward to my next Cuban cigar on July 9, 2027.


Dimitris Mita

De Greek


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    • profile image

       6 years ago

      It's not fiction :-))))

    • jandee profile image

      jandee 6 years ago from Liverpool.U.K

      Agree with Tony re. fur- HANDS OFF FUR-even in fiction!

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 6 years ago from UK

      CP,

      This is a true story. I am glad it made you smile, even though it was at my expense :-))

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 6 years ago from Vermont, USA

      Now this was a funny story. I especially like the part where your wife related this anecdote in divorce court. It just proves, "no good deed goes unpunished".

      Thanks for letting me laugh at your expense. Now, until 2027, your wife won't have to ask, "Is that a Cohiba in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" :{)

      CP

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 6 years ago from UK

      .

      I would not know about the area, Tony. I am now not sure about the name, but I AM sure about the long escalator leading up to the lobby, so please do ask your daughter if there is such a thing at the Carlton. Many thanks for trying :-))

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 6 years ago from South Africa

      Dimitris my friend, I think you are refrerring to the Carlton. That would also fit the description of the "oval shaped lobby." Was the hotel in the CBD of Johannesburg as that would also narrow it down a bit. I will ask my daughter who lives there if she has heard of a New World Hotel also just to be sure.

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 6 years ago from UK

      Hi Tony,

      I have just Googled "new world hotel johannesburg" in order to pass on the link to you, but I cannot find it. The trip was in 1990 and my employee there had booked the hotel for me. I am fairly sure about the name and it was either 4 or 5 star hotel, so it could not have been insignificant.

      One peculiarity it had was that the lobby was on the first floor and you reached it via an escalator.

      I am now curious, so if you have any friends in that fair city, perhaps you can ask for me? :-))

      And cheaper is not always quickest :-)))))

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 6 years ago from South Africa

      I have heard of less expensive ways of giving up smoking. Had to come back and laugh at this one again! BTW - New World Hotel" -where the hell is that? Never heard of it. Maybe just my ignorance, LOL!

      Once again, super Hub, my friend! And yes, I did enjoy the dcescription - "blond beards swimming in large mugs of beer" just did it for me! Wonderful!

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 6 years ago from UK

      .

      She is "a daughter of the gods, divinely tall, And most divinely fair.”

      Thanks for passing by :-)

    • GioiaMulas profile image

      GioiaMulas 6 years ago

      You must be a person with a big heart! I think your wife is lucky to have you close, and certainly if you're still together and you love so much is because she is an angel of a woman, I wanted to thank you for accepting my Hub. Thanks

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 6 years ago from UK

      Ah, a fellow sufferer then Sofia :-))

    • profile image

      Sophia Angelique 6 years ago

      You really made me laugh! Once, when I was in Munich, I took a cab to the train station and wanted to tip the driver. It was a $6 drive. I gave him some notes and he declined them in an embarrassed manner. I wasn't having him decline my tip. He was a nice man. Later, on the train, I realized I had given him $60.

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Hi Tony, glad to have your input on this. I hope the description of the place meets with your approval :-)))

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 7 years ago from South Africa

      Now I know why you won't come back to this wonderful and exciting country! It might cost you more than your Cuban cigars! I read this one way back when you first published it - can't believe I didn't leave a comment then - but so it goes!

      Sorry about the mink coat - but then I'm totally against furs anyway. You know, real people wear fake fur, and all that.

      Anyway hats off to your wife for helping you kick the weed. And to you for another brilliant Hub!

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Thank you for taking the trouble to pass by and to comment. Also for adding your own blessings to an already blessed marriage :-))

    • Theresa_Kennedy profile image

      Theresa Kennedy 7 years ago from Minnesota

      I loved this story! Your humble humor is absolutely precious. Many blessings to your marriage :)

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Hi Lita, thank you :-)) - In my current condition, the best I can do is just MIGHT be able to buy just one cigarette from a street peddlar in Manila, around the traffic lights :-) - You have put a smile on my face child :-)

    • Lita C. Malicdem profile image

      Lita C. Malicdem 7 years ago from Philippines

      Suits the De Greek! Read this over and over again for the increasing laugh. So you were sucked by your miscalculation, eh! Smoking is really a costly thing- saps your energy and sucks your pocket dry. Clever wifey! Mr. Fine Writer, you did it again!

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      What can I say? I have married perfection......:-)))

      Thank you for your kind words and for passing by :-)

    • Rose Kolowinski profile image

      Rose Kolowinski 7 years ago

      I was reading away being thoroughly entertained wondering why you chose the title you did. I was applauding your wife hauling you to the bank and limiting your credit (I can relate to that). When I finally found out the cure for smoking, I was laughing out loud!! Way to go, pulling in the reader and keeping them engaged until the end! Kudos to your wife for her creative way of handling both the money situation and the smoking. : )

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Ken, you always put a smile on my face with your comments. Thank you for passing by :-)))

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 7 years ago

      Well my friend when money is of no concern and the sky may be the limits on purchases then and only then would I consider purchasing such expensive gifts for my lover. Although it was not very kind of her to wear the coat to court to prance around like an Ostrich to amuse the judge.

      But then Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned:0)

      I would find it hard to give up smoking my favorite cigars for such a long period of time. Limitations are fine but there has to be a line drawn in the sand somewhere don't ya think?:0))

      I hope she didn't have you stop enjoying your favorite drink. Controlling purse strings is an art and I find woman are better at it than us men. We tend to overspend and become to reckless with our money. Women are like squirrels they know how to bury their nuts:0)) Great hub DG...you had me smiling most of the time...

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      *_* OK Young ACSutliff, I can understand your youthful curiosity. When I left my ex-wife, she hated me with a passion that only a scorned woman can demonstrate. However, she did not hate me enough to throw the mink coat and the jewellery I had bought her in my face. Unfortunately. As for the ostrich leather bag, I gave it as a present to a ship owner friend of mine who was also my client and who left me a considerable annual profit. And thank you for your kind comments :-))

      *_* mysterylady 89 I hope that the answer given above has satisfactorily responded to your request. And I am truly surprised that you did not find my ideas on how to stop smoking helpful :-)))

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 7 years ago from Florida

      I chose this hub to read because I have been told I need to quit smoking - A lot of help you were!!(lol)

      I totally agree with AC's comments, including his question about the ostrich suitcase.

    • ACSutliff profile image

      ACSutliff 7 years ago

      DG,

      First off, thank you for visiting my hub the other day. It was great to see you come by!

      Now, as I have a husband who is often found spending money on things we don't need (and rarely for me!) I can't help but say that I envy your wife but I can also sympathize. =D

      About your writing, I have praise, but also one question. Praise first ;) I love how you lead with the Einstein comparison and return to the concept of De Greeks not being Einsteins, but having a lot of pride to make up for it. What you forget to mention, but which is skillfully implied, is that you make up for your lack of brain activity with your overactive heart. :)

      In fact, your overactive heart probably saved you from having a heart attack when you learned how much money you had spent!

      The end was brilliant. You kept us wondering how a mink coat and a gold necklace had anything to do with smoking up 'til the very end! =D

      Now for the question: I can't help but wonder, whatever happened to that mink coat that started it all, and do you still use that expensive ostrich bag?

      ~AC

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Yes Young Selvey, but this is the reason I cannot afford to pay the Loved One purses of gold :-))

    • M Selvey, MSc profile image

      M Selvey, MSc 7 years ago from United Kingdom

      "De Greeks are normally men of steel and can resist anything, my legs appeared to have a mind of their own and of their own volition they eventually carried me into the store."

      Yep, blame the legs!

      Love it, love it, love it!

      I know some men love their cigars but kudos to your wife for breaking you of this habit for a while :-)

      While it may look debonair, cigar smell is so unsexy.

      Rated up and off to read some more -

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Hi MPG, no, I do not profit because I am not signed up with adsense or anything similar. Than you for passing by :-)

    • MGP profile image

      MGP 7 years ago from Dallas, TX 75214

      Dear De Greek: I am Nellieanna's friend. Hey, I hope you are profiting from all the Google stop smoking ads next to your wonderful story? MGP

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Ahhh... thank you Minilady :-)

    • Minilady profile image

      Minilady 7 years ago

      Loved this hub, what a wonderful style you have! :)

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      What's with you girls with this spanking thing! :-))

      Habee, it gives me so much pleasure to read your comments, you cannot imagine. :-)

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Wonderful story except for the mink coat part. I don't agree with the fur trade. I do agree with Gypsy about the spanking, however!

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Lee, generous with praise as ususal. Once we start talking, the De Greeks get carried away and tend to wander off in tangents :-)

    • Lee B profile image

      Lee Barton 7 years ago from New Mexico

      What a great read, De Greek! I kept wondering what it had to do with quitting smoking and kept reading (and laughing) to find out!

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      I have just called my Goddess-in-Human-Shape to come over to read what you have written. We men of steel don't want to say complimentary things to the little woman, as we like to rule teh roost with an iron fist beneath a velver glove! :D

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      This is a story that will keep me chuckling for days! What a clever woman your wife is! And you marveled that gold could be fashioned into an silk-like "fabric"? My dear DG, how can that be since you were already married to "gold fashioned into silk". Or more accurately, **steel** fashioned to look like gold! ;D

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Ahhh... How nice. I usually just get the occasional smile, MS. Thank you for reading this :-)

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Well done ha ha ha..

      Thank you. I laughed. It is very important to me.

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      The question is, "what would I do without you"? I write my nonsense but I have no idea if anyone will like them. And then I hear from you :-)

      I am willing to make a sizable bet that my taste for Cuban cigars shall never diminish. I DREEEEEAM of the day when I shall be able to smoke my next one after luncheon, with an espresso coffee...

      Oh well, back to earth. Thank you for commenting Angel Face aka AF :-)

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      I'm again laughing and visualizing you agreeing to the terms and patiently waiting for 2027 and your next cuban cigar! Wouldn't it be a hoot if you've lost your taste for them by then? (Never underestimate a woman's effective deviousness!) And meantime she gets to enjoy the golden scarf! hehe

      You do write a rollicking story, DG! Fun to read this again! What would we do without you?

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Simply goldfish I am afraid, Cris. Nothing as grandiose as a haughty look...:-))

      Many thanks for reading this and commenting. :-)

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Oh surely there must be another way, a less expensive way to quit smoking! Yes I do smoke and rival a chimney when it's raining and I have a hot cuppa....but that's another story. Anyway, I enjoyed the read as usual. Your wit is enviable, your narrative engaging and I won't even go to describing your taste in the finer things in life.

      Btw, I have a hard time imagining what's your "fish impression" like? Is it similar to that of a goldfish's glassy wide-eyed wonder look or a seahorse's haughty by nature look? Haha

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      I have sent you an email :-)

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 7 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      I am feeling better. Your wife is so beautiful. I would think of nothing less coming from such a wonderful man. She is very blessed and so are you. I found true love after so many years and 4 husbands and then he died and i haven't been right mentally since. Some days I wish to go to the beyond to be with him. I'm not sure why you care of what I think of your writing in detail. I am nobody. I can only say that you are a brilliant writer. Many others think that as well. I will tell you more about that later. Okay?

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      How are you Lisa? Feelling better at last?

      I would soooooooo like to hear your thoughts on this story in detail :-)

      And I am really glad that your late husband knew how to appreciate someone like you...

      I feel so lucky for having such a wonderful, loving, caring wife myself, that I enjoy sharing stories about our life together. As you can see from her photo, she is also very pretty:-)))

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 7 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      What a love story! I have so many comments but they would only bore you. I enjoyed reading this. You are always clever and full of wit in your stories. You remind me of my late husband with your exquisite taste for jewelry and the way you spoil the women in your life. You're the best! Lisa

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Shadesbreath, what can I tell you. When we men of steel want to show our women that we can contemptuously spit death in the face, we demonstrate it by showing that we can do 17 years without our favourite Cuban cigars. Piece of pie. Can do it standing on our head. That showed her who wears the pants in this is family, I can tell you.

      Your “Vlad the Inhaler” by the way is PRICELESS. When I grow up I want to be just like you. (Problem is I have used that phrase before and now some of my fans are using it as well and it is loosing its punch…:-) ... )

      You cannot imagine how much I appreciate your visit here and your comment. Many thanks!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      LOL, Greek. Only 17 years to go for that cigar!

      This was a fun ride. I'm glad to see you know when to put your foot down with your woman too. I put my foot down all the time just as effectively.

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 7 years ago from US

      Hi De Greek, what a way to stop smoking hehe, and your hub is hilarious, thanks for the smile and laugh, you're generous and with a good taste, hmmm, thank you, Maita

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      There, Joy. Was that so hard? :-D

    • Joy At Home profile image

      Joy At Home 7 years ago from United States

      Yes, it certainly made me smile!

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Christoph, in my hub about my favourite authors I have you marked as "brilliant", so as you can appreciate your opinion means a lot to me :-)

      Thank you for taking the trouble to read this :-)

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Joy, thank you very much for taking the trouble to read my nonsense. I really appreciate it. Mongolia will have to hold its breadth for the time being because as you can appreciate, with my kind of spending, there is nothing left...:-)))

      The big question now is: Did it make you smile a little? :-)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Wow, De Greek, you were hypnotized or something. That's crazy money (and look how it came back to bite your buns - twice!) Well done! Most entertaining!

    • Joy At Home profile image

      Joy At Home 7 years ago from United States

      De Greek,

      You are very good at making me feel in the moment with you. I started to get light-headed looking at the price-tags!

      If I had received such gifts, I would have loved them, yet felt guilty every time I used them, just thinking what else might have been done with the money. I would love to help get supplies to a missionary I know who works in the boonies of Mongolia. Alas, I have no such means, just yet. Wouldn't mind going there myself, if Hubby were more open-minded.

      Keep on writing your "nonsense" - it makes me think.

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Zsuzsy, Zsuzsy, Zsuzsy how little you understand men's real pleasures in life. We are speaking of Cuban cigars here. Just the thought of one right now creates a glazed film over my eyes. Many a time I wish I had been a more of a traditional husband and brought home a bunch of flowers instead of unnecessary gold trinkets... I cannot thank you enough Zsuzsy for taking the trouble to read my nonsense. Your opinion is very important to me. Best regards and my wife sends kisses..

    • Zsuzsy Bee profile image

      Zsuzsy Bee 7 years ago from Ontario/Canada

      What a hoot. I love your wife, what spunk (hahahaha I'm still laughing...) to keep you on your toes like that, priceless. As far as cigars are concerned...you're really better off without them anyway, who needs them, they're stinky.

      This hub is absolutely great, I love it, every word of it...

      greetings to you and your 'Einstein' wife

      Zsuzsy

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Hi GW! Thank you for passing by. Have I nicked someone's phraseology? I assure that I have not copied from anyone and if you point me to an example, I shall be devastated.

      As for the spanking, the De Greeks are an open minded lot... :-)

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      We are all here to inspire each other and definitely not to nick each others clever phraseology. I don't think you should be allowed a credit card at all and in fact, if you were mine you might end up getting a good spanking!

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Izzy, you have made my day! Thank you and my kisses to your friend...:-) And she could not be bothered to make a comment of her own??? Baaaaad girl!

      Ladyjane, to be truthful, I was inspired to write this after reading your own story on how you quit smoking. Thank you for the inspiration..:-)

    • ladyjane1 profile image

      ladyjane1 7 years ago from Texas

      Wow at least it got you to quit smoking in one afternoon. I only use cigarettes now to look sexy. lOl good story.

    • IzzyM profile image

      IzzyM 7 years ago from UK

      Absolutely priceless! You got not only me but my mate who is sitting here beside me (on her own computer) in stitches!

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Akirchner, it is always such a pleasure to come across someone who understands the details :-))

      Thank you for passing by..

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 7 years ago from Central Oregon

      Hilarious - and I for one DO think that ostriches have a communist bent. Loved the monk line as well. Enjoy that cigar in 2027.

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      If I was paying Hub Pages for any of these, I would have asked for my money back. I am registered as your devoted fan and slave and they are supposed to let me know when you publish a new hub. I have already made it known that when I grow up I want to be just like you. However, in this instance I waited in vain. No email from Hub Pages about the new hub by the Great FP. About everyone else, yes. About my dream woman, NO!

      Being perfect myself, I cannot understand how some people can make such mistakes :-)

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago

      Maybe when I stop dreaming of all the goodies my husband could be buying instead of smoking! :P

      (And if you want substantial perhaps you should read my latest hub! :D)

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      FP I expected something more substantial from you! :-)

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago

      What a great idea - do you think I could use it to convince my husband to stop smoking too? :)

    • De Greek profile image
      Author

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Hi Cheryl... You always choose my own favourite phrases too.. I mean about the monk... The fact that you noticed and liked the coined phrase gave a supreme feeling of pleasure. Thank you VERY much...:-)

      For anyone else reading this, the phrase is pattented, so hands off :-))

    • _cheryl_ profile image

      _cheryl_ 7 years ago from California

      "Visa cards with specific limits which would embarrass a Buddhist monk carrying his rice bowl on his daily rounds to the believers." Hilarious DG! You've actually managed to pull me into a much better mood after reading this. (looong day) It's always a nice escape to indulge in your stories and feel as if I was walking along somewhere inside them observing your commentary. Thanks for this...=)

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      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Green Lotus, had I know the consequences, I would have bought a bunch of flowers :-)

      Thank you for reading this :-)

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      Hillary 7 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      I had a feeling you were a man of exquisite taste and unbridled generosity. The women in your life have been quite fortunate! Sorry about the cigars, but they do smell nasty to women with equally refined taste. Rated up, to be sure.