ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

A Year Already??

Updated on August 10, 2012
Gary with my brother and I
Gary with my brother and I
My favorite pic of us. He gave this pic to me on my wedding day.
My favorite pic of us. He gave this pic to me on my wedding day.
Gary, my brother, me, my mom, our dog pirate and Florin (an exchange student from Germany)
Gary, my brother, me, my mom, our dog pirate and Florin (an exchange student from Germany)

I seriously cannot believe its been a year and 2 months since my ex-step dad passed away. I can still remember going to the hospital to see him. I was so scared because I've never see someone in that kind of state before and when I saw him my heart fell. He looked so bad and all I wanted to do was hold him and tell him I love him. The day we saw him I think the only thing that came out of my mouth was "Hey". I remember he looked at me and said "Hey baby". He was so loopy, I just didn't know how to react to that. We were only there for a few minutes because he kept going in and out of sleeping and we didn't want to bother him. He told my mother and I to come back and we'd have drink with him. sadly though that was the last time I saw him because 3 days later he was gone.

His family had a wake for him and my mom and I went. It was nice to see some of his family again. I mean he was my step dad for 5 years and he was friends with my mom since she was 18, so his family was apart of ours. It was sad, cause we saw his sister and she looked at me and said "Megan, I want you to know that he loved you so much". I tried so hard to fight the tears.... All of this is sooooo fresh in my mind... I just can't get over the fact that he's gone. I never thought this day would come. I thought I'd see him for a long time after he came to my wedding.

About a couple of months ago I was driving to my class from work and I was on this single road with nothing around me, but trees. I had my windows down and I was listening to some music. It was such a beautiful evening and all I could smell was someone BBQ'ing. When I stuck my face back inside the car I started smelling early times Whiskey and cigarette smell. It was the weirdest thing ever. It was like Gary was sitting in my passenger sit just enjoying the ride. At that moment, I felt so safe and till that day I've never been able to have that happen to me again.

My teacher said that Gary comes around all the time and talks to her. Last Friday I asked her if Gary looks like he did when he was at the hospital and she said "no, he looks like he did when you were a child". My face kind of lit up and it was weird b/c she told me that he was behind me and when she told me that I started bursting out crying.. She said that I must have heard him tell me he loves me..

I just miss him so much and I wish I could hear him or see him.. I just want to feel that safe again like I did when I was driving in my car.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)