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A Year Already??

Updated on August 10, 2012
Gary with my brother and I
Gary with my brother and I
My favorite pic of us. He gave this pic to me on my wedding day.
My favorite pic of us. He gave this pic to me on my wedding day.
Gary, my brother, me, my mom, our dog pirate and Florin (an exchange student from Germany)
Gary, my brother, me, my mom, our dog pirate and Florin (an exchange student from Germany)

I seriously cannot believe its been a year and 2 months since my ex-step dad passed away. I can still remember going to the hospital to see him. I was so scared because I've never see someone in that kind of state before and when I saw him my heart fell. He looked so bad and all I wanted to do was hold him and tell him I love him. The day we saw him I think the only thing that came out of my mouth was "Hey". I remember he looked at me and said "Hey baby". He was so loopy, I just didn't know how to react to that. We were only there for a few minutes because he kept going in and out of sleeping and we didn't want to bother him. He told my mother and I to come back and we'd have drink with him. sadly though that was the last time I saw him because 3 days later he was gone.

His family had a wake for him and my mom and I went. It was nice to see some of his family again. I mean he was my step dad for 5 years and he was friends with my mom since she was 18, so his family was apart of ours. It was sad, cause we saw his sister and she looked at me and said "Megan, I want you to know that he loved you so much". I tried so hard to fight the tears.... All of this is sooooo fresh in my mind... I just can't get over the fact that he's gone. I never thought this day would come. I thought I'd see him for a long time after he came to my wedding.

About a couple of months ago I was driving to my class from work and I was on this single road with nothing around me, but trees. I had my windows down and I was listening to some music. It was such a beautiful evening and all I could smell was someone BBQ'ing. When I stuck my face back inside the car I started smelling early times Whiskey and cigarette smell. It was the weirdest thing ever. It was like Gary was sitting in my passenger sit just enjoying the ride. At that moment, I felt so safe and till that day I've never been able to have that happen to me again.

My teacher said that Gary comes around all the time and talks to her. Last Friday I asked her if Gary looks like he did when he was at the hospital and she said "no, he looks like he did when you were a child". My face kind of lit up and it was weird b/c she told me that he was behind me and when she told me that I started bursting out crying.. She said that I must have heard him tell me he loves me..

I just miss him so much and I wish I could hear him or see him.. I just want to feel that safe again like I did when I was driving in my car.

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