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After the Love is Gone-Moving On

Updated on May 23, 2016

When a Relationship Fails

It is a sad reality that not all relationships last forever. We put in so much time and effort, not to mention the emotional investment, so it is never easy to watch it all fall to pieces. Let's face it, nobody enters into a relationship with the expectation that it will not last.

We meet and fall in love and believe that the magic will last forever. We make plans for the future and build dreams in our minds. Sometimes those plans work out and the dreams come true, but when they do not we are left feeling alone and empty inside.

Knowing When a Relationship is Over

Sometimes the hardest part of a breakup is knowing when it is over. After putting in so much of ourselves, we tend to focus heavily on making the relationship work. This can be a good trait, because every relationship goes through difficult times and requires dedication to make it work.

There are, on the other hand, some relationships that are not worth saving. The difficult part is learning to recognize the difference. This is something that each individual needs to decide for themselves, but remember that you will not find happiness staying in a failed romance.

Love is something that should build up strength and confidence. A relationship should be a team made up of two equal parties. If your partner makes you feel like less of a person. then your relationship is not a healthy one.

Sometimes relationships fail due to no fault on either side. It can be two dedicated, hard working and caring people who are simply not right for each other.

Whatever the reason, you need to be honest with yourself as you asses your relationship and not let yourself get stuck in a relationship that is not working. Ask yourself if you could ever be happy spending your life with your current partner. If the answer is no, then it is time to move on.

Walking Away From A Relationship Is Never Easy

As human beings, we tend to expect success in all things we do. This philosophy applies to our personal relationships as well. We often find ourselves thinking of leaving a marriage or relationship as a personal failure. We find ourselves wondering what our family and friends will think about us. This thought process is not always a mentally healthy choice.

It is important that once we recognize that a relationship is not working, that we are able to understand that being happy is what is important. Ending a bad relationship is not a personal failure, it is merely being smart and understanding that it is time to move forward with a new beginning. Look at it as an opportunity for personal growth.

Being Single Again

So the relationship did not work out and you find yourself single again. Depending upon the individual, this could be simple, difficult, pleasant or terrifying. There is no one size fits all when it comes to starting over.

In the best case scenario, the breakup is mutual and the seperation can happen easily with no need to fight over possessions or dealing with altercations. In this case, you have a bit more time to make plans. I will address how to leave an abusive relationship in another hub, as there are so many things that need to be addressed.

When leaving a relationship in which you were living with your partner, it is important to setup a place to live. This could be with a friend, family member or a place of your own. The important thing is that you have a place to store your belongings and a safe place to sleep.

Once you have moved out of the residence you shared in your relationship, then you are ready to begin rebuilding your life.

Evie can always make me smile!
Evie can always make me smile! | Source

Consider Getting A Pet

This may sound like a crazy suggestion, but many people find that the companionship of a pet can help to fill the void in ones life after a breakup. After my relationship of five years came to an end, I got myself a puppy. Sure, it was not what I had planned on doing, but it really did wonders for my mental well being. I now have a loyal friend who eagerly awaits my return home at night with her tail wagging. Instead of dwelling on my loss, I found myself going for walks in the park, or playing fetch.

You Are Not Defined by the Relationship You Are In

You are an idividual, that is true whether you are in a relationship or single. The important thing now is to not equate a failed relationship with a personal failure. It is normal to feel sad after a breakup, but keep it in perspective.

Take advantage of the oppurtunity to do for yourself. Stay active in your personal hobbies, maybe even try that new thing that you always wanted to do but never had the time.

Working to improve yourself will never be a mistake. It will make you feel good about yourself and keep yourself busy enough that you will not find yourself dwelling on the breakup.

Do not pressure yourself about finding a new relationship. There is no shame in being single. Remember that too many bad relationships begin because somebody was in a hurry to simply be in a relationship.

Concentrate on making your life better and being happy with yourself. When the time is right, you will find somebody who likes you simply for being you. There is no rush to make it happen today.

Treat yourself to something you have always wanted, something that will make you feel good. Maybe a vacation, a new outfit, a new computer or entertainment center. It does not really matter what, just something that you have wanted for a long time.

The important thing is to keep looking forward. Do not allow yourself to look back on the past. You deserve to be happy.


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    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      You have a great outlook on this and I admire that. I, like so many, took a few laps around the marriage lap and came in last. LOL. I came out whole and a better person for it. I can say that now, I couldn't say it while it was happening. I choose to be single, actually require it right now in my life. I find the things that were important to me in my 20's are quite a bit different in my 40's. I require my time to be by myself, actually I cherish and guard it with my life. You can't like someone else if you don't like yourself. You give sage advice and I enjoyed this.

    • CJWood71 profile image

      Christopher J Wood 5 years ago from Florida, USA

      Thanks for the comments Reynold Jay! I always appreciate the advice and support of others. I feel it is good advice and writing it down helps to reinforce my resolve. Its a sort of therapy, if nothing else.

    • CJWood71 profile image

      Christopher J Wood 5 years ago from Florida, USA

      Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and commenting Rahul. I appreciate the input!

    • Reynold Jay profile image

      Reynold Jay 5 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

      Sounds like good advice to me. Yep- move on and try to get over it as best you can. If you have a big story that needs to get out, write me and maybe I can help. Up and useful for this HUB. Thanks for following me too. RJ

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      A good article! Relationship does not define your entire personality! There are a lot of other "individual" factors...

      Moving over a break-up is tough when you are emotionally involved... but one must not stop life over there... in stead he should learn from his past relations, mature himself and move on.. with time

      Great write