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Are You The Next Best Thing?

Updated on March 9, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

In a world where Internet dating has become the norm, and apps like Tinder can become as addictive as Facebook and Snapchat, how can one decide when they are satisfied with what's in front of them? Are having too many choices or options just as problematic for someone dating as a drug addict who's selling, an alcoholic who owns a bar, a porn addict who owns a computer, or a new home buyer who can't stop looking at other houses on the market? When should someone stop looking and be satisfied with what they have found? When do you trust your heart and have faith in the possibility of finding happiness in one person?

Whether you are dating or starting a new relationship, there comes a point when you might wonder, "Is this person right for me?" It's natural to contemplate having a future with someone, especially if you have been dating for an extended period of time—in fact, you need to in order to decide if there will eventually be a happily-ever-after. But, there is a huge difference between figuring out if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone or consistently wondering if there could be someone better.

When a guy is consistently wondering if there might be someone better, if he is always unsatisfied, even when he seems happy with the person he is dating or married to at the time, he will ultimately be perpetually unhappy.

A guy like this will usually question past relationships, wondering if the person(s) he's ended a relationship with might have been the one, especially when he dates other women that he doesn’t share the same connection or sexual intimacy with. There might have been attributes that he labeled as "annoying" that really weren't, due to his over excessive pickiness—a way of guarding his heart, but now he actually misses these characteristics.

He will also look for things wrong in current relationships—finding faults in the women he dates, giving himself justification to continue keeping his options open. If you aren't "perfect" in his eyes, then there has to be another woman out there who is. The problem with this—how can any woman ever be enough if he's consistently finding things that are wrong with them?

No relationship (or person) is perfect, no matter what anyone tells you. Relationships take work, and the important ones usually need more work. Not work that's stressful or discouraging, but work that comes naturally. It should fill your heart, and at the end of the day give you joy. This type of work helps the relationship that you are in, flourish.

When a guy thinks that he will never find a woman that is perfect enough for him to be with forever, or love for a long period of time—he will not. There will always be temptations, and if a guy lets himself be exposed and open to it—by giving himself excuses why he should be, his relationships will fail. The more a guy guards himself from love, the greater the chance that you will end up being the next best thing. Unfortunately, technology doesn't make this situation any easier—in fact, it increases the temptation.

I dated a guy exclusively who I met on a dating site. From the moment we connected on the site through finally meeting and starting our dating adventure together, he was actively pursuing me. It felt great to meet a guy who not only was confident, but made me feel important in his life. Although he had a very busy schedule, he would still make time to see me—not letting his busy life come between us. It felt great to find a man that was not only relatable, but who also wanted the same things as I did. Or so I thought.

Through all his words and actions of being happy and wanting to make me a priority in his life, he was actually masking the inability to be satisfied. He would bring up the topic of dating sites a lot since he was on several of them before we met. He would "joke" about occasionally going on them, "just to see if any new women were on there." The joke was actually a reality check when I caught him surfing on one of the dating sites, unraveling the truth of what was really going on with him.

Even though he would constantly tell me how great I was and how happy he was, he was still keeping his options open. This was confusing since he was the one that asked to be in an exclusive relationship with me.

Men who are consistently keeping their options open usually don't have a problem with commitment. In fact, they will commit, however in their perfect world—commitment would be to several women at the same time, or having an open relationship that is known to you or not.

As time passed, I also realized that the guy I dated had pedestal syndrome, as well as the need to look for faults in me so that he could keep his options open and "guilt-free." The best thing...he was masking all of this with smiles and kisses, giving me the impression that nothing was wrong.

How will you know if you can be happy and satisfied with one person if you don't put 100% of the effort in? You will never know if you always feel the need to keep your options open.

To stop looking and decide to invest your time, effort and emotions in one person is when you will realize one basic fact...No Relationship Is Perfect! When you realize that relationships aren't perfect, you will stop looking and finding reasons to judge your significant others flaws.

Being the next best thing in a guy’s life usually has nothing to do with you. It is solely his issue. There is no way to determine when you first meet a man his true fears when it comes to dating, love and relationships, especially since he sometimes doesn't know these fears himself.

Ladies, you should never feel like you are the next best thing because the guy you are with is never satisfied in relationships. If he can't open his heart and trust in love—what type of relationship will you ultimately have? It's one thing to notice other women. It's completely rude, disrespectful and inappropriate to "check-out," contact or flirt intentionally because he's keeping his options open.

Bottom line, you deserve to be with a guy who only makes you feel like you are the best woman in his life. Find a man who wants to be romantic with you, and only you (flaws included) — making you feel (and know) that his search is over because he's found you...and is finally, satisfied.

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)

Comments

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    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      4 years ago from Denver

      Thank you Mary and thank you for reading. :)

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      4 years ago from Denver

      Thank you dashingscorpio for the Vote up! I also appreciate your kind word and encouragement. :) Thank you for reading.

    • profile image

      mary rb 

      4 years ago

      Very interesting article with insightful points of view.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      Voted up and useful!

      I love your topics! Keep up the great work! :-)

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      4 years ago from Denver

      Thank you dashingscorpio for catching the error with my article, lol, I don't know how that happened.

      I agree, "people have taken this philosophy to the extreme is our era of online dating."

      Very true, many people have the "shoppers mentality" when it comes to dating. Definitely making it harder to be satisfied.

      And yes, "settling " does mean "making a final decision."

      As always, thank you for reading and taking the time to comment...very appreciated . :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      I'm not sure but it seemed like you had some duplicate paragraphs in this one. Nevertheless your statement: "No Relationship Is Perfect!" pretty much sums it up!

      I suspect dating has always been about trying to find "the one". No one wants to feel like they "settled". However people have taken this philosophy to the extreme in our era of online dating.

      Quite a few people have a "shoppers mentality" approach to dating. They're addicted to scrolling down profiles, viewing photos, checking to see if someone has flirted with them or "poked" them. It's a form of being a "shopaholic" only instead of going to a mall for material things they go online to shop and compare available people!

      For a lot of men having a new girl hit on them or show interest in them NEVER gets old. In fact a lot of people would not consider it "cheating" if they were in an (exclusive) relationship and continued to "correspond" with singles online. In their minds it's only cheating if you're meeting in person or hooking up. They ignore the fact that is how they met you!

      I've also heard some people who believe unless you're married you are NOT "committed" to anyone. In my opinion that is very flawed!

      Most people will only marry someone is already committed to them. An "exclusive relationship" normally means you're not going to date or pursue others. The commitment comes BEFORE the wedding!

      One of the problems with online dating in addition to having a constant stream of new options appearing in your inbox is the membership cost for many of them. If someone has "prepaid" for 6 months and they met you during the first month. They oftentimes do not simply count their blessings and turn off their membership but rather want to keep their options "open" throughout that paid period. Even if you found someone who is willing to email you their cancellation notice reply you may still wonder if they're in contact with others they've already exchanged information with. Dating someone who is "very busy" has a lot of opportunity to be doing anything. Trust gets harder to establish when there are so many "options".

      There will always be someone who is "better" or "worse" than whomever you choose. "Settling" really means making a (final) decision. :-)

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