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How Avoid Sex With Hubby When You Are Not In The Mood

Updated on August 31, 2013
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Carolee is a passionate writer with a love for learning and teaching. She is a published author, poet, blogger, and content creator.

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Not in the mood tonight?

Yes, you know not every time he wants it you do, even though you love him to death. I thought my fiancé would get upset if I hold him off for a few days but he doesn't.

When I worked away from home he used to have a problem if we didn't do it all weekend when I came home. But since I returned home permanently he has been so nice. If I allow him though we would be at it 24/7 and I really get bored easily that way. So I let him sweat it a little and sometimes I make the first move. I even let him believe I am upset that I haven't gotten any!

Below are your do's and donts.


Don't Do These!

The thing you want boyfriend, hubby or fiancé to know is that you love him and want him as much as he wants you, so you have to be careful not to give him a wrong or bad impression.

  1. Don't use the headache thing. If he is smart enough he will know a head ache cannot stop you because studies have shown that sex acts as an anesthetic and pain in some areas will be alleviated during sex, especially headaches (not migraines though). As we get aroused a hormone known as oxytocin is released and this is what reduces arthritis pains, headaches and even PMS symptoms.
  2. Don't tell him you are not in the mood. Most men cannot understand that and since men can get into the mood easily they will think you don't "want" them or are falling out of love. Some men will also think you are "getting it" from someone else. Men still don't understand women!
  3. Never ignore him either! When you do that he will get suspicious and you will have a big problem on your hands.


DO THESE - your top ten ways to say no to him

These tips are to be used occasionally, no more than once per week. You can't use them often or he will know you are avoiding him. You have to make up your mind to give in sometimes just to please him. I personally have used every one except for #9, but I do know someone who uses the kids to get out of it. Don't worry, these techniques have been tried and tested. The secret to using them successfully is knowing you mate.


  1. Pretend you have fallen asleep. Most men won't bother you if they think you are sleeping. Don't do it often but occasionally you can.
  2. If you have a stomach bug he won't touch you so you can say that you do. You can spin it however you like. You can pretend your bowels are acting up or just a bad cramp. Men are sensitive to women with abdominal problems so you are safe there.
  3. Tell him you strained something while you were gardening or cleaning or something. Don't be too dramatic. If you know your partner well you will know when he is going to want it. So you can start rubbing your back early in the evening, saying "ouch" a few times. When it's bedtime reach for him but as soon as the kissing starts say "ouch" again. He will be very concerned.
  4. You are itchy and burning. This one is serious. You could say you are inflamed but maybe it was an allergic reaction to a new soup you used. Don't tell him it's an infection. If you shave a lot tell him it's the razor or the shaving cream. If you wax, it could be an allergy from the wax. Be smart with it. Don't pretend too much or he will get suspicious.
  5. You are coming down with something. Men never like to see their women sick. They will not pressure you for sex if you are not well. The next day when he ask how you are feeling, just tell him that you got a good night's rest and feel much better. DO NOT prolong this or he will insist on you seeing a doctor.
  6. Try getting to bed way earlier than he does so that by the time he gets there you are actually asleep. This one works for me because my fiancé spends the evening almost every night next door at my brother's house playing cards or dominoes. I don't mind because we don't go out much and I don't want him to feel shut in. So when he comes to bed I am already fast asleep and he just hugs me and goes right o sleep. Some times when he is really very horny, he will not go over or he comes back pretty early, but in general it works.
  7. This one works every time. Even when I am not "working" I say I am. He knows nothing about computers and have no idea what I'm dong 99% of the time. He knows I am writer and he knows I have clients, so "I am working". It works because he will not disturb me because that's how I make money. Just tell him you are working or writing something important. Tell him you are inspired and don't want to break your concentration. You know him best so you have to make it work for you. Work around using the fact that you are doing something on the computer and you are busy.
  8. Another way that really works is to pick a small argument. Something that will annoy him. You have to do this before the lovemaking starts. You cannot wait until he starts to touch you to do it. If you know that at bedtime he is going to want to do something, pick the argument right before or after dinner. It has to be something real. You can't make it up out of thin air. Use something real against him like something he does to annoy you or something he forgot to do.
  9. Have one of the kids sleep in the room or spend the night in their room. This really works if they are scared or not feeling well. Don't do it if the child is really okay because he will know you are avoiding him.
  10. This one he will like and you get to be honest too. Find alternative ways to please him. He sort of gets what he wants but you don't do what you don't want...if you get my drift. Make him feel good but let him know that you are not really up to going 100% percent so you are using alternative means. One way is a full massage using you hands and a nice warm oil. Make sure the massage works for him.

Good Luck!

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    • Cardisa profile image
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      Carolee Samuda 3 years ago from Jamaica

      Hello Dwelburn, sorry about the lying part but women do that all the time. The truth is, in my case, if there is extreme chemistry, I'll want ti more than once per day...lol

    • dwelburn profile image

      David 3 years ago from Chesterfield, UK

      Sometimes the ladies want it more than the men. I was in a relationship once where she would have had it two or three times per day if I was up to it. So I had to use avoidance tactics. But I don't think I ever lied though. Sad that one has to do that.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ..yes my lovely Carolee I did receive your message before I went out the door and it did keep me warm .....

      lake erie time 1:19pm just woke up an hour ago from night shift sleep and there are high winds today by the lake creating a brutal wind chill

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      My handsome Epigramman. I sent to a warm message on FaceBook last night. Wow, that must have been some night, the coldest of the winter? As I said in my message I am keeping you warm in my heart!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ...I only want it when I come here to your hubs (that too) and then I want it really bad .......Cardisa, coming home to you after my night shift work at lake erie time 5:31am .... is the sweetest thing I will ever do ....... hope you are well my friend and here I sit - no kidding - with the coldest night of the winter so far thinking warm thoughts of you

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      LoveJewel, don't tell my fiancé about it either! Thanks for voting, really appreciated.

    • LoveJewel profile image

      LoveJewel 5 years ago from Texas

      I AM GIVING YOU UP VOTES UP ON THIS HUB! GREAT THING YOU WROTE IT AND I DIDN'T. MY HUSBAND WOULD NOT LIKE THIS ONE. THANKS FOR LETTING US IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Thank you Mljdgulley354!

    • mljdgulley354 profile image

      mljdgulley354 5 years ago

      Great hub Up and Funny

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Bluebird, I am glad you though tit funny. Women would like people to think that they always give in but it's not so. Especially as we get older we want to do more cuddling and less physical stuff.

      Thanks for reading.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Susan, I guess he knows your tricks! I am glad you didn't take this too serious. I tell everyone, our men knows when we are avoiding and they play along.

      I swear I thought you read it before.

    • bluebird profile image

      bluebird 5 years ago

      You are too funny. Great hub, really! It's a subject not discussed openly among women, but in which every woman would like outside help...Leave it up to Cardisa! You go girl!

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      This is so funny, last night my husband said to me....you should write a hub on all the ways to avoid sex :)

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Loi-Renee, great minds think alike!...lol

      I love that.

    • Loi-Renee profile image

      Loi-Renee 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Hilarious hub Cardisa! I'll keep these 'secrets' for later use. Lol.

      Can I add one to your list pretty please??

      Pretend some painful memory form your past is bothering you. Maybe you can even get a tear in. Men get so uncomfortable when women cry.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Hey Ajayshah, you should also read the one for the men. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • ajayshah2005 profile image

      ajayshah2005 5 years ago from Mid Asia

      Great Hub Cardisa! We men learned and knew many secrets.This will help us to discover "Anti avoidance techniques"

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      You are welcome. Thanks for stopping by!

    • profile image

      nkositsandzile 5 years ago

      wow i like this,and its useful to me as i dnt have much interest in sex i wil use this.thanx a lot.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      You are a pro at this Miss Riley...you are now my best friend!

    • Chasing Riley profile image

      Chasing Riley 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      #2 & 4 are so funny I can't stop laughing! #6 & 9 work like a charm!

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      You are right Will. That's why I know my fiancé knows when I am avoiding and he finds it really amusing.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Funny stuff, but men aren't stupid, and we understand that women, like men, are not always aroused at the same moment. No big deal.

      A lover should accept that gracefully.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      I don't worry about such things as they aren't hurting anyone. Women tell men they have a headache all the time and they don't worry about the Karma. If you live with a man long enough he knows when you are avoiding but it's just your way of making it fun with making him feel neglected.

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Very good. I would worry about the bad Karma of claiming to have burning, itching, or a stomach bug.. but well done!

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Stephanie, I am so glad you commented, because everything you said should have been in the body of the hub, you explained it so well! Thanks, a lot!

    • stephaniedas profile image

      Stephanie Das 5 years ago from Miami, US

      I agree with the fun comments... maybe lying is a bit extreme, but little white lies are no big deal, especially if, like Cardisa says, one partner wants it too often for the other partner to handle. Rather than say "I'm not horny right now" and risk hurting the other person's feelings, you can just pretend to have a stomach bug. No big deal-- no one gets hurt. Anyway, if you always did it whenever one person wanted it, you might never leave the bedroom, and you've got to go to work and pay those bills in order to have a room to do it in! And like Cardisa said, if you do it too often it become a routine. I'd rather keep my man guessing than become bored with sex. I think that more experienced men and women who have been in serious relationships can get that, whereas men and women who aren't used to having "exclusive access" all the time need to learn how to handle the privilege in a way that benefits both parties!

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 5 years ago

      Keep the fun in your relationship. Always do what makes the two of you strong.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      That's exactly my point. I prefer the fun way of letting him know I am not in the mood rather than just telling him no.

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 5 years ago

      Cardisa, If I may, green lotus, My wife and I play these games quite often and have done so for over 22 years. We are stronger for it. If a relationship cannot handle a little fun then what is the point in being together at all?

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Green Lotus, men like the chase and they prefer that you want them rather than saying you don't. You might be right about the lies but this is all in good fun and my fiancé knows that I am trying to avoid him and in the morning we both have good laugh about it. He knows when I'm pretending to sleep and he knows that I don't have a back ache but I find it is fun and then I am the one who fuss about not getting any.

      You shouldn't takes my "Top Ten" hubs seriously Green Lotus!

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      I did get a chuckle at your creative answers and I'm sure some of your methods will prove effective, but I have to agree with Carlon - I don't agree that lying is the answer. Even little white lies can come back to bite you in the end! I know you have read a lot of my Hubs, but perhaps not the one on Lies and your health which I have to defend in this case :)

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 5 years ago

      We gotta learn somehow.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      What are you guys doing, you weren't supposed to read this!

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 5 years ago

      Dexter, you sly dog. Nice to know techniques Cardisa, thanks

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Well Carlon it's not always that simple and these games sometimes makes it more interesting when it happens.

      I don't have a medical issue, but If I should let my fiancé have his way we would be going at it 24/7 and I can't manage that. Evey other day or so I make him know I ma ready or I want him so much I want to burst. It keeps everything interesting. Deep down they know but the rule is never let them think you don't want to be with them!

    • Carlon Michelle profile image

      Carlon Michelle 5 years ago from USA

      So I'm thinking if you have to lie to your man to avoid sex, perhaps something is wrong with the woman and a medical issue needs to be addressed. I know men could go for it every day and all day but if he is getting sex at least four days a week then he should be satisfied and not need to be lied to but simply told not today, how about tomorrow.

      Now this is coming from a woman who hasn't had any in nearly a decade, but I'm not married. I like to believe one could be honest about sex and not need to play games. Smile!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Okie Dokie..Hee

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Hey Ruby, as soon as you find that fellow you can start using my list!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      HaHa, Dexter cracks me up..Thank's for all the tips, now i gotta go find me a fellow. Hee

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Thanks Stephanie, like mine he will just be finished and say something like "I want more". Really, he can be insatiable.

    • stephaniedas profile image

      Stephanie Das 5 years ago from Miami, US

      I liked it when you said "If you know your partner well you will know when he is going to want it"...uh, constantly? Lol. This is a funny list! Voted up and funny.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      I found it funny too Flora, I could be looking at a blank screen he wouldn't know...lol

    • FloraBreenRobison profile image

      FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

      Number 7 made me laugh, particularly the phrase "no idea what I'm doing 99% of the time."

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Kryptonyt, as you get older you will stop wanting it as much trust me, when I was younger I couldn't get enough!

    • kryptonyt profile image

      kryptonyt 5 years ago from Venus

      Goodness. I always want it. I never have to avoid this topic, but in case I ever do. I'll keep these in mind.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Hey WannaB, we don't know anything...

    • WannaB Writer profile image

      Barbara Radisavljevic 5 years ago from Templeton, CA

      Great hub, but I refuse to comment on the grounds it might incriminate me. Voted up and useful.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      James, I have nooooo idea what you are talking about!

      You called me foxy...I like...I might just dump my fiancé and come to Dakota...

    • SubRon7 profile image

      James W. Nelson 5 years ago from eastern North Dakota

      Yeah, Cardisa, and you "do" know that a percentage of your readers are men...you "do" know that, don't you, you foxy, funny, girl, right?

      Aside from that, though, good hub.

    • Cardisa profile image
      Author

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Dexter! You cheated, you shouldn't have seen this...don't tell your wife you read it...lol

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image

      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Hi Cardisa! Thanks so much for sharing these techniques so that I can find ways to circumvent them! lol! Ha ha ha!!