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How Avoid Sex With Hubby When You Are Not In The Mood

Updated on August 31, 2013
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Carolee is a passionate writer with a love for learning and teaching. She is a published author, poet, blogger, and content creator.


Not in the mood tonight?

Yes, you know not every time he wants it you do, even though you love him to death. I thought my fiancé would get upset if I hold him off for a few days but he doesn't.

When I worked away from home he used to have a problem if we didn't do it all weekend when I came home. But since I returned home permanently he has been so nice. If I allow him though we would be at it 24/7 and I really get bored easily that way. So I let him sweat it a little and sometimes I make the first move. I even let him believe I am upset that I haven't gotten any!

Below are your do's and donts.

Don't Do These!

The thing you want boyfriend, hubby or fiancé to know is that you love him and want him as much as he wants you, so you have to be careful not to give him a wrong or bad impression.

  1. Don't use the headache thing. If he is smart enough he will know a head ache cannot stop you because studies have shown that sex acts as an anesthetic and pain in some areas will be alleviated during sex, especially headaches (not migraines though). As we get aroused a hormone known as oxytocin is released and this is what reduces arthritis pains, headaches and even PMS symptoms.
  2. Don't tell him you are not in the mood. Most men cannot understand that and since men can get into the mood easily they will think you don't "want" them or are falling out of love. Some men will also think you are "getting it" from someone else. Men still don't understand women!
  3. Never ignore him either! When you do that he will get suspicious and you will have a big problem on your hands.

DO THESE - your top ten ways to say no to him

These tips are to be used occasionally, no more than once per week. You can't use them often or he will know you are avoiding him. You have to make up your mind to give in sometimes just to please him. I personally have used every one except for #9, but I do know someone who uses the kids to get out of it. Don't worry, these techniques have been tried and tested. The secret to using them successfully is knowing you mate.

  1. Pretend you have fallen asleep. Most men won't bother you if they think you are sleeping. Don't do it often but occasionally you can.
  2. If you have a stomach bug he won't touch you so you can say that you do. You can spin it however you like. You can pretend your bowels are acting up or just a bad cramp. Men are sensitive to women with abdominal problems so you are safe there.
  3. Tell him you strained something while you were gardening or cleaning or something. Don't be too dramatic. If you know your partner well you will know when he is going to want it. So you can start rubbing your back early in the evening, saying "ouch" a few times. When it's bedtime reach for him but as soon as the kissing starts say "ouch" again. He will be very concerned.
  4. You are itchy and burning. This one is serious. You could say you are inflamed but maybe it was an allergic reaction to a new soup you used. Don't tell him it's an infection. If you shave a lot tell him it's the razor or the shaving cream. If you wax, it could be an allergy from the wax. Be smart with it. Don't pretend too much or he will get suspicious.
  5. You are coming down with something. Men never like to see their women sick. They will not pressure you for sex if you are not well. The next day when he ask how you are feeling, just tell him that you got a good night's rest and feel much better. DO NOT prolong this or he will insist on you seeing a doctor.
  6. Try getting to bed way earlier than he does so that by the time he gets there you are actually asleep. This one works for me because my fiancé spends the evening almost every night next door at my brother's house playing cards or dominoes. I don't mind because we don't go out much and I don't want him to feel shut in. So when he comes to bed I am already fast asleep and he just hugs me and goes right o sleep. Some times when he is really very horny, he will not go over or he comes back pretty early, but in general it works.
  7. This one works every time. Even when I am not "working" I say I am. He knows nothing about computers and have no idea what I'm dong 99% of the time. He knows I am writer and he knows I have clients, so "I am working". It works because he will not disturb me because that's how I make money. Just tell him you are working or writing something important. Tell him you are inspired and don't want to break your concentration. You know him best so you have to make it work for you. Work around using the fact that you are doing something on the computer and you are busy.
  8. Another way that really works is to pick a small argument. Something that will annoy him. You have to do this before the lovemaking starts. You cannot wait until he starts to touch you to do it. If you know that at bedtime he is going to want to do something, pick the argument right before or after dinner. It has to be something real. You can't make it up out of thin air. Use something real against him like something he does to annoy you or something he forgot to do.
  9. Have one of the kids sleep in the room or spend the night in their room. This really works if they are scared or not feeling well. Don't do it if the child is really okay because he will know you are avoiding him.
  10. This one he will like and you get to be honest too. Find alternative ways to please him. He sort of gets what he wants but you don't do what you don't want...if you get my drift. Make him feel good but let him know that you are not really up to going 100% percent so you are using alternative means. One way is a full massage using you hands and a nice warm oil. Make sure the massage works for him.

Good Luck!


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