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Self Absorbed Friends

Updated on July 14, 2013

It's Going Out Night!!

You have been planning for Friday night all week. You have reservations at your favorite restaurant and got your posse on the guest list at the hottest bar.

Or maybe you decided to make going out night a staying in night. You invited a bunch of people over and are going to cook a nice dinner for them and watch a movie. A great way to get together with your friends without having to spend a lot of money.

In either case, or whatever fun event you have planned, you invited a group of people who you consider to be your good friends. Most of them agreed to the plans, and seemed excited about it. You get ready and show up at the correct time, and realize that only one or two of the many people who said they were going to come actually showed up.

Does this disappointment sound familiar?

Why is it that so many people feel that it is okay to make commitments then not follow through with them?

A Common Problem

I used to think that this was a problem that only a few people have. I have a few friends in my circle who consistently flake out on plans. We still invite them, and the rest of us take bets on whether the one or two will show up.

But when I speak to people outside of my group, I realize that the problem is much more pervasive than one would hope.

My sister recently auditioned for a play. She was super excited to get a part as one of the lead actresses. She goes to auditions faithfully every weekend. About two weeks into it, about half of the cast had dropped out. She is trying to help the producers find new actors for the parts, but she is devastated. She has put a lot of work into this thing already, in such a short time, and she doesn't understand why people would make a commitment to be in a play, then drop out as soon as they are expected to put some work into it.

The example that inspired this article is a Facebook update that I read from a friend of mine who lives a few states away. The post was asking if anyone wanted to come over for dinner, because she had made a huge meal for a bunch of her friends, most of whom flaked on her. How can people be so self-absorbed that they don't realize how flaking out on a friend who is cooking them dinner is incredibly inconsiderate. My friend put in so much working making a great meal for people who just didn't care.

I am appalled by this kind of behavior. I think that if you make a commitment, whether it be for a night, a week, or a lifetime, you need to do your best to keep it. Obviously things happen, emergency situations arise, but I find it highly unlikely that most people flake due to an emergency. People flake because they are self absorbed and they just don't want to put in any effort for anything.

Do you have friends who often flake on plans?

See results

A Solution?

You can't change the way people are. You can't stop someone else from being self-absorbed. However, you can change yourself. If you recognize that you are one of those who constantly "forgets" about plans that you have made, or is always waiting to see if something better comes along...stop it!! If you tell your friend you will be at her house for dinner, then go to her house for dinner! If you audition for a play and get a part, be in the play! This isn't that difficult. Be compassionate.

The bottom line is to simply be considerate of the effort that other people are putting in for you. Appreciate the friends you have, or you may find yourself without any.


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