- Gender and Relationships
When the People We Love Betray Us
Betrayal is Not a Happy Time
I always thought best friends or loved ones were supposed to be there for you no matter what but then I came to realize over my lifetime how many true friends that I had and the number shocked me because it was none.
Every single friend who had made claim to be my best friend, had betrayed me in some way and the one that hurt the most was someone who stopped talking to me over something so trivial. I now knew I didn't need friends any longer to get on with life.
The only thing that it has given me is no one to worry about except my husband, children, and pets and you know what it feels pretty darn good. So why do people want to be your friends and then turn around and stab you in the back anyway? I think everyone has their own agenda in life and when it doesn't do anything for them then they can walk away like nothing ever happened.
Of course it hurts and it bites hard but when all is said and done what is it we really need friends for? Some say they will be there for you when no one else will but I have found out the hard way that is not true either.
The old song "Friends how many of us have them" was one fine song.
People if you can't be a good and loving friend and you can't be trusted then don't hurt others because you don't know what true friendship is.
Why Do People Betray Those They Love?
Love relationships are based on the mirror of ourselves. We learn over time how loveable we really are. Love is a feeling but it can become a weapon if given the chance.
Over time feelings change and intentions change. You can be happily married for 20 years and then find yourself cheating. Not only is this hurtful but deceitful.
According to Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC sometimes people are very deliberate and intended to hurt the other person. And sometimes they are consequences of choices that are made with no intention of doing any harm to anyone. Looking out for one’s own best interests can cause some people to disregard relationships they once valued.
It Really Hurts to be Betrayed
How to Mend a Broken Relationship
The first thing you need to do before trying to mend a relationship from betrayal is to determine if it is worth saving. If you can not longer trust that person even after you say you forgive them, then you might as well part ways.
First you must get in tune with your inner self and the inner self of the person who hurt you. Don't have any expectations when you decide to talk about it. Listen to each other completely without interruption.
Sometimes you have to initiate the discussion. The person may feel you will never forgive them so why bother. Don't come to argue or accuse, blame or shame. Just have compassion. Yes that's right compassion. You may be saying why should I have compassion for someone who betrayed me. Well my answer is be compassionate so that the dialogue will go smoothly. It may not have been intentional and you never want to assume it was.
You must be willing to show that you are all in for saving the relationship. You surely don't want to fight when both of you are already hurting.
Both of you need to express what you want from the relationship. Make your intentions known so there is no surprise down the road. You can't have sloppy intentions and expect to save the relationship.
Let them know how much you care about them. It may be hard when you are filled with resentment and hurt.
If you are the reason for the betrayal own it. Don't make excuses why you did it. Find a way to own your mistake and make the person you hurt understand. They may not believe you but that is when you have to evaluate the relationship and see if it can be saved.
Don't be afraid to get a third party involved and I am not talking about someone who will agree with only you. Make an appointment to see a therapist and both parties attend. You have to be honest in how you feel. Holding back will only lead to bigger problems down the road.
If all else fails then you go your separate ways. It may be painful and not what either of you really wanted but sometimes you just have to end a relationship and move on with your life.
If you decide to move on, don't dwell on it. I have lost many friends and some that hurt really bad, but I was better then to roll around in self pity. I found things to do with my time. Caught up on some reading, writing, favorite TV shows. Its not the end of the world and this too shall pass.