- Gender and Relationships
Online Dating: Formula for Online Dating Profiles
Good Profile vs Bad Profile
Who's to say what is a good profile or bad profile. There are many articles out there that profess to reveal all the tips and secrets to online dating. How to write your own profile, how to rate someone else's profile, what is a good profile photo or the error of omitting a photo. I'll admit that all of the profiles I've written have been very brief, so I do not dismiss someone else's profile for not including much information. Long, rambling profiles were usually left not fully read. Mies van der Rohe was right.......less is more. My first profile written was for Zoosk and it caused me fits. My profile consisted of basic information.......age 52 (I did not lie), height, profession and a couple of interests. Nothing too detailed. There is information available that suggests people make themselves sound interesting by stating all the interesting things they do. Hang gliding, rock climbing, surfing, swimming with dolphins. But……I don’t do any of those things which does not mean that I am a boring person. Why would you want to write that you do things you don’t really do? If you actually went on a date with someone, they might suggest doing one of these activities…….then what do you do? It serves no purpose to lie on your profile. You may attract a lot of attention but then you’ll just be a big disappointment. It will be false advertising. A definite turnoff in a profile would be negativity. Suppress the impulse to write what you don’t want. You’ll just come across as an angry, bitter woman, which is a surefire way to send men running for the exit. Online dating is supposed to be fun, remember? The purpose of our written profile is to catch someone's eye......we need something to discuss in our chats don't we? If we keep it real what really catches someone's eye is a photo.
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words
The photo of myself uploaded was the first selfie ever taken (after about 100 deleted rejects because, apparently, I'm unable to hold a cell phone without shaking). A selfie was needed because I was unable to find a photo of only me that was less than 15 years old. My self-consciousness about online dating prevented me from asking anyone to take my photo because I had not disclosed that I was entering the world of online dating. Why post a photo with other people in it, they won't know which one is me or worse yet, they might like someone else in the photo. Why would anyone even think of showing a photo with potential competition in it? Don’t think you can get away with just a photo from the shoulders up. A full body photo is a must otherwise men will think you are hiding something, which would probably be true. Look at your photos on your computer before posting. Even after posting a photo, look at your profile photos to see if they look satisfactory. I deleted and changed photos immediately after posting when I was not satisfied with how I looked. Face reality, a man may never read your profile if he doesn’t like the photo(s) he sees. Finally, there it was......my first online dating profile.
Riding the Carousel
Access to other profiles was a mouse click away. What the heck is a "carousel"? Click on "carousel" and Voila! Men. Next.....next.....next......next. This was like shopping online for shoes or purses. I'll admit that profile names turned me off especially if they included words such as.......road, warrior, king, stud, large, hung. This was just my initial reaction, I won't try to explain or rationalize, this was my gut reaction. There were photos that grew to annoy me also.......photos that showed men on motorcyles and men holding fish. Now, I understand that there are many many men that enjoy their bikes and love fishing, but again this was my reaction. I grew weary of looking at fish......I was looking for a man. Judging another's profile is purely subjective. What I disliked.......someone else may like. If one is serious in their search then this is not the place to pretend to be someone you are not. The truth will eventually come out so why waste time pretending? While I was riding the "carousel" there were little popups of men viewing me or sending messages. I was warned by my friend that I would only be allowed one free email (unless I upgraded my account for a fee) so if I was interested in a guy that I should send him my email address so we could stay in contact, Personally, I don't find anything wrong with someone writing something as simple as, "hi", "how are you?" or "how's your evening/day", but that is not enough for me to want to provide them with my email address. There were some men that knew the drill and provided their phone number and/or email address in their first email. In the beginning I tried to respond to everyone that contacted me to be polite. They were "thank you but no thank you" messages. Back to the "carousel". Profiles with photos of men wearing hats or sunglasses were dismissed......."show yourself" was my thought at the time. Shirtless photos were not impressive either, whether they were in shape or not. Why are young men in their 20's and 30's contacting me? My age range for men was 45 to 55. Did they not read my profile or simply chose to ignore my preferences. I am well aware that I do not look my age but I have no interest in being a cougar. It was becoming discouraging and this was only the first night. My goal was to provide an online dating profile that was true to me if I expected to attract a man that would be interested in the real me and not an affectation. Present oneself without artifice.