How to Find a Date Online

The first time I ever gave online dating any serious thought was around two years ago, when I noticed that some of my Facebook friends had signed up to an application which connected you to a dating website called Zoosk. Prior to this, I’d always regarded online dating as the kind of thing reserved either for the kind of people that never left their mother's basement, or for desperate middle aged men or women, who had perhaps come out of a long term relationship and were looking for something new. I know! How judgemental am I? After briefly considering it, I laughed off the notion, declaring proudly to myself that I was a young, reasonably good looking man, who, at 24 years old was surely in his prime. However, a closer look revealed that my prejudices were ill founded, a quick glance at some of the profiles on Zoosk revealed that many people, even very attractive people were taking the plunge into the world of online dating, presumably because either they were too busy to go to the traditional social hot-spots, or they were looking to meet somebody with a similar interests and a good personality, rather some of the sleazy characters that frequent those social hot-spots.

With my mind refreshingly broadened, I proceeded to open an account with Zoosk, but during the course of doing so. I had to complete one of the hardest tasks that any shy, reserved and normally introverted person could ever be asked to do. I had to sell myself, talk myself up, try to relay to people exactly why I would be good relationship material. At the time I remember thinking that nobody was going to be interested in me. But the response I got was astonishing, I kept receiving messages known as ’flirts.’ Basically whenever you click on a Zoosk profile, it gives you the option to click on a ‘flirt’ button which generates a series of auto messages, including ’Do you believe in love at first sight?’ It also gave you the option of typing in a custom message, and sending little gifts too.

I sent messages out to a few girls that seemed nice, but never received any responses which seemed bizarre and a closer inspection at most of the ’women’ sending me messages revealed that they were only 18, a little too young for me. Although, from the look of some of their profile pictures I wouldn't have been at all surprised if they were much younger than 18. That instantly set off alarm bells in my head, so I chose to ignore any messages from anyone younger than 21. I do remember receiving a lovely message from a 23 year old woman, who shared some of my interests. However, when I tried to respond, I was left feeling bitterly frustrated.

Often whenever you see an advert for a dating website on the TV or internet, they’ll make sure to mention that it’s free of charge, but there's a catch. It is indeed free to register, but you then to have to pay for a subscription in order to enjoy the full benefits of the site. This goes for all of the big dating websites like Zoosk, Match and eharmony. It’s a shame really because I’ve heard nothing but good reports from these websites, but I guess it’s a case of getting what you paid for. Personally, I wasn’t prepared to throw £20 a month at a dating site on the off chance that I might actually find Miss Right.

So it was back to the drawing board, or Google in my case. I searched for dating sites that were totally free of charge and the one that kept appearing in the search results was one called Plenty of Fish. I had heard of it before, but from what little research I’d done, I’d developed the notion that it was a simply a place where sleazy people arranged hook up’s and that kind of thing. However, upon closer inspection. I, was once again proven very wrong.

Plenty Of Fish calls itself the largest dating site in the world, and its not hard to see why. It’s 100% free, you can opt to purchase a subscription, but all that really does is give you a better ranking in searches and also allows you to check when a person was last online. The range of different people, all looking for different things was staggering. Everything from simple friendship to intimate encounters (sex) was represented, there were plenty looking to enter a long term relationship, but what astonished me was that there were some women who were actively seeking somebody to marry.

When it came to creating a profile, Plenty Of Fish gives you a little helping hand by telling you what to talk about, chief among them is write about what makes you unique. Oh God! I thought. How am I supposed to know that? After a little bit of research via Google I came up with a detailed profile that hopefully would do the talking for me. Incidentally, my uniqueness came to me one night while lying in bed. Of course! I was raised predominantly by two women (my Mom and Nan.) Over the years they had instilled a perception and view of women that sadly many of my male friends lacked. I used to hear it all the time whenever socialising with my school and college friends, things like: ’Do you ever tidy your room?’ ’No way mate, that’s a woman’s work, so my mom does it!’ I always had to try hard to contain my disgust at hearing such sentiments, but at the same time I knew that they couldn’t help it. It was the way they had been brought up and it would have been foolish of me to try and change their outlook and perception of the fairer sex.

Anyway, I digress. With my profile set up, I proceeded to complete a Chemistry and Relationship Needs Test. The Chemistry Test basically assess your personality so that the site can send you suitable matches. While the Relationship Needs Test assess all of the things that you value in a relationship and again sends you likeminded or compatible matches. After completing that, it was time to go for ‘fishing.’ I remember reading during the course of my research that women receive twice as many messages as men, so the chances of getting a reply to a message are very slim. Moreover, it wasn’t just the amount, but the content, and some of it was shocking beyond belief. One woman wrote on her profile: ’Do not send me pictures of your w****, I’ve seen enough.’ Another wrote: ’No! I will not show you my b****!’ Also, there seems to be a lot of men, judging from what the women have written, going around and requesting private webcam sessions- how disgusting!

Initially my spirits soared as the number of girls viewing my profile rocketed, but the lack of messages seemed to suggest that any interest they were expressing was fleeting at best. I decided to take the initiative and send messages to any girl whose profile made me stop and look twice. I wasn’t necessarily looking for physically attractive women, but simply likeminded women who shared some of the same interests as me, another factor I took into consideration was compatibility, so I was always took the time to examine their Relationship Needs and Chemistry results, if they had been completed. Prior to joining the site, I watched a video about the best kind of message to send to a woman you may like. The fact of the matter is that women like what you notice about them, and I’m not just talking about their features or what they’re wearing. Just as important, women like a man with a good sense of humour. So whenever I sent a message, I always tried to be witty, while at the same time highlighting something in their profile, whether it be their job, hobby or interest that aroused my curiosity.

Browsing through the profiles, I quickly learned that many of the ’pretty’ girls, I.e. the ones plastered in make up or wearing short and tight dresses seemed to focus more on putting up as many as pictures as possible and neglecting to say anything about themselves, apart from things like ’Ask me.’ It may sound like I’m generalising here, but I’m only speaking from personal experience. Within two or three days I’d sent out maybe half a dozen messages, but my expectations were low, I didn’t even expect to receive one reply. But within another two days, I received two, one of the girls even apologised to me for the delay in writing back to me. Over the next few days, my low expectations were blown completely out of the water. I’m now in regular contact via text with one and have even arranged a date with her. Moreover, I received two more messages, with one of the women referring to me ’as a very nice guy’. How’s that for an ego massage.

I shall conclude by offering some simple tips on how to be successful on an online dating site:

• Create a detailed profile that reveals what makes you special and appealing to a potential partner. Women like men with an element of depth. Correct spelling and grammar is an absolute must, as women value intelligence very highly. Make sure you mention any goals/aspirations and dreams that you may have, because women love a man with determination, drive and ambition. Try to think of something that makes you unique, whether it be a talent or something else and home in on it.

• Don’t just upload pictures of you standing in front of a mirror holding your phone. Upload pictures of you having fun with your friends and family. It can be awkward trying to smile on demand, but if a woman can see you when you’re naturally happy that’s a major bonus.

• Make sure you include a full body shot. I’ve scoured a lot of profiles and have noticed that many women only have photos of their faces, which is good, but men like to see the full body, and the same goes for women too. Concealing the rest of your body from a photo may suggest that you have something to hide.

• Be honest- if you smoke, say so. If you do drugs, say so. If you’ve already got children, say so. If you’ve already been married before say so…okay, you get my drift. Lying when trying to find a partner will get you nowhere, because sooner or later you’ll come unstuck, and more than likely you’ll end up single again.

• When messaging a woman- never just simply say ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’ because that will result in instant message deletion. Also, never, and I repeat never attempt to call a girl ‘babe,’ 'babes,’ or anything similar on first contact, or any time in my book. For some reason, a lot of men think that women like being called such names, but I can assure you that most do not, and instead of sounding cool, you sound sleazy and slightly pervy, so please refrain.

• Make sure you only message girls whose profile contains something that arouses your interest. Focus less on what she looks like, and more on what kind of person she is and home in on anything that interests you, while remaining honest about yourself.

• Once you’ve messaged a woman, wait for them to reply before sending another message or deciding to take the burgeoning relationship to the next level e.g. swapping phone numbers. Do not resort to harassing girls that don‘t reply. If she doesn’t reply, then take the hint, she’s not interested, so move on.

• Do not take rejection personally. Online dating is very much a numbers game, the more good and well thought out messages you send, the more replies you’ll receive.

• Take advantage of the forums if the dating website has one. Ask questions, digest answers, read and absorb the knowledge of others who have been successful on the site. You’ll find that just like on Hubpages, the community is very supportive and always willing to help someone when needed.