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Because You Need to be Submissive Doesn't Mean You Should Become a Doormat

Updated on April 9, 2016

Submissive Wife is Not a Doormat

In marriage you are not independent of our spouses, you’re interdependent. You are a team working toward the same goal. The question is what’s the best way for two people of equal worth but different strengths, skills, and attributes to get something done? It is by submission. Submission and rebellion are always for or against someone’s thoughts or ways respectively. What are the characteristics of a submissive wife?

  • She smiles at her husband most times.
  • Embrace or hug him when he returns from work.
  • Always give him a vote of confidence.
  • Always give him support and encouragement to enable her husband achieve his goals..
  • Always look at him with sparkle in your eyes that says, “After all these years of marriage, I still think you’re the greatest!”
  • Brag about him in front of others.
  • Admire her husband’s abilities.
  • Abide by the financial guidelines they agreed upon.
  • Pay attention to him when he talks.
  • Cook his favorite meal.
  • Allowing him space to pursue his hobbies.
  • Talk good of her husband before their kids. This is obviously not exhaustive.

“The husband is head of the wife. Wife, submit to your husband, like the church submits to Christ. Husband love your wife, like Christ also loved the church and gives himself to her.” (Ephesians 5:23-24).

The husband has the right to make decisions, but if the family is to be healthy he had better make those decisions with his wife. A wife coming under his authority does not diminish her own leadership role, or her own abilities. Submitting to your husband does not mean you cannot think for yourself, or have your own opinions, thoughts, and ideas. On the contrary, it means you are face within yourself to respect, and honor the man you married.

Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than yourself; do not merely look out for your personal interests but also for the interests of your spouse. The best marriages are mutually submissive ones. Marriage is all about give and take, negotiation and compromise. Think about your life with your spouse. In what ways do you compromise and negotiate with your spouse? What would happen if you rebelled over these issues? What happens when you only think about yourself?

Many people seem confused about the subject of submission. Hopefully, this article will bring to some light to understanding this issue and put to rest the culturally misconception about submission. Submission doesn’t mean the wife becomes doormat to her husband. Nor does it mean we remain silent when we have opinions or ideas. Quite the contrary; marriage is working together, complementing of your gifts and abilities to overcome your challenges. In marriage, a wife’s thoughts and opinions are to be a highly valued as her husband’s.

Why can’t a husband just boss his wife around and treat her like a doormat? Why can’t he demand that she do things for him? A husband is not to be demanding, ruling, abusive, controlling, or bossy. Whenever there’s this kind of imbalance of power, what’s the husband is likely to do is to lord it over the wife, control her, use her to make his life easier. And what’s his wife likely to do? Resist, rebel, and make her husband’s life miserable in some way.

Misuse of submission leads to heartaches and divorce; when the husband decides to rule the household with an iron hand and uses his wife to get his way; he is likely to encounter rebellion, retaliation and eventually a divorce. What happens when a wife withholds respect from her husband? He becomes discouraged. He loses the motivation to move forward. A nagging wife slows down her husband and creates chaos in the home.

How do you know a wife who is not submissive?

  • Frowning most of the time.
  • Rolling her eyes when she talks to her husband.
  • Giving her husband verbal lashing at the slightest opportunity.
  • Arguing constantly with the husband.
  • Making snide comments that insinuate he is not a good provider.
  • Lying to her husband.
  • Putting down her husband in front of his friends or yours.
  • Disregarding the guidelines her husband sets up with her for family finances.

and ignoring him.

A husband’s love is submission to his wife. So then it works both ways. This is the kind of submission God is talking because it is the same way Jesus Christ submitted to the Church. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.”

Many women feel threatened by a man because they do not feel good about themselves or because they were abused in the past and now they perceive all men to be abusive. Negative beliefs about submission tend to grow, until soon enough the majority thinks a woman who submits must be a doormat. Which is not true. People are deceived into believing what they have been conditioned to believe since they were young. They have been brainwashed over time that they actually begin to behave in the way they believe, and see no other way.

A wife does not have to submit to an abusive husband. If a man is abusing his wife in any way, then submission is not tenable. We are human and make mistakes. To err is human. And everything in marriage is not going to fit into his nice little comfort zone all the time. Couples fight and yell, and even get angry and slam doors. This is not the kind of abuse I am referring to. This is normal marriage disagreements that usually end with repentance and forgiveness. If disagreement leads into physical injuries, that is what I’m talking about.

Some couples already submit to each other and don’t even know it. Submission is just another way to compromise oneself for the other. Submission is cooperation. Submission is giving something you want for something he wants. A consistently respectful attitude is a fragrant aroma that can soothe a marriage as it permeates the home.

Submission takes one thing, and that is great humbleness. Humbleness comes from God. We learn to be selfish by the way we were raised, and what made an impact in our life while growing up. We either learn to remain selfish or we learn to grow out from the negative attitude, and learn to be free with who we married.

The feminist movement went to great lengths to suggest that submission was an outdated practice that is no longer germane to modern marriages. Over time it has become misconstrued as a means of considering women inferior, removing a variety of their privileges, and also greatly hampering their ability to be self-determining.

When you decide to submit to your husband, you freely decide to curtail any actions you may take that would solely benefit you. Additionally, instead of feeling slighted and powerless, you choose to respect your husband at each turn. In practical terms, this means that as the wife, you respect him as the head of the family. You are still supposed to know of everything that is going on and give your opinion, but in the end it is your husband who decides whether or not to take your advice.

When husband and wife eliminate power struggles, keeping secret and selfishness and also greatly cut down on independent actions; thereby fostering an attitude of mutual decision making, the marriage will be blissful.

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    • Zsuzsy Bee profile image

      Zsuzsy Bee 2 years ago from Ontario/Canada

      "You are still supposed to know of everything that is going on and give your opinion, but in the end it is your husband who decides whether or not to take your advice."..........

      What a crock.... for any marriage to work long term there has to be equality.... submission.... absolutely not....

      The 'Leave it to beaver' era is over, has been long passed.... women have had to work hard at equality in every way.... No man has the right to expect to make sole decisions just because he is male.... yeah right and the little wifey is supposed to agree even if the decision is a bad one? what a big pile of...

      so sorry but its been a very long time since I read such bunk... usually if I disagree with a suject I just go my merry way but this hub is really rubbing me the wrong way...

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Zsuzsy Bee thanks for your comment. I like your view. You'll note that I mentioned that the feminist believe that the time husbands were regarded the head of families was over. However, some women still believe that their husbands are head of their families. There is no way everybody will think the same way, so your position is just one of the positions that are possible.

    • profile image

      Dee 2 years ago

      Most of you writers are inconsistent.2nd timothy 3:16.The word of God breaths life,it's for teaching,correcting,training in righteouness.Submission to God comes from free will..only demons manipulate.submission of a wife to a husband is not the man's business ,submission to the man is not God's business,it is submission to God's word in the hand and heart of the husband who possesses it.Today you so called christians has turned submission to your benefiting bible verses to commit selfish games on this women ,treating them like mindless and brainless creatures,brainwashing them as if they are horrible and pathetic creatures no wonder marriages have not really gone far beyoind this line,you will have to repeat this over and over again as if it's the most important verse of the bible.If Jesus was like man trust me i would never be a christian i would try other religion or in fact discard them all.your post is not hitteing the truth cause when you go to other pulpit they will tell you God did not ask the man to submit to the woman.The man is already a small God over the woman.You christians of this generation has made christianity sour.I love God so much that sometimes i can't stand the way you all pervert the bible for Men's campaign.Men pervert women a lot that's why feminist came into existence ,men have a serious thirst for power over women,religion is a also a creepy men have their way.when someone says submit to christ when they do they are liberated in fact they rejoice in their suffering for him but when someone says submit to men they feel fear,insecurity,robbed why cause they are just men and not God.heirachy is a way with God yet humans are not higher than the other Jesus is the real qualifier not the perpetrator.feel free to hate fenminist,even the pagans will tell you what you are doing wrong professing you are christians.That's the problem most are perpetrating selfishness.who said being the head of a place is a national human right?It's a responsibility not a right.we will all be judge equally.stop soliciting for power.i detest power hungry ppl.spare me this verses i heard them a million times,this is just too many words,most of you can't buld christain homes even when a heroine addict will get a deliverance.why did you talk about submiision than love.God is love tell ppl to submit to love not men or women.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Dee, thank you for your comment. I have been consistent if you've been reading my hubs. My belief is the man and woman are complementary. I don't see them as competitors as some people do. God created everything in duality and must have reason for it. The same Bible I quoted advised the man to love his wife as Jesus loves the church, so Christianity is not the problem but individuals. If you have have had a raw deal with man/men, that does not mean every woman has. I have posted pictures of couple in US that have been married for from 75-80 years. Divorce is a modern failure of marriage by those who don't believe in compromise or forgiveness. Marriage can be fun if you are married to the right man or woman..

    • profile image

      jesluc 2 years ago

      "If you've been reading my hubs"... you should write as if each hub is being read independently. Please don't assume that because someone is reading one hub that they've read the others in succession, and if someone came to one of your articles from a search and was turned off by what you said, than sure as sh*t they didn't keep reading your others. This comment is really irritating: "You'll note that I mentioned that the feminist believe that the time husbands were regarded the head of families was over." I'm a woman. That doesn't make me a feminist. A feminist is someone who lives their day to day life fighting for equality and spreading the word of equality. I don't do that. What I do is expect my husband to treat me with equal measure to what I give to him, and we should both strive to give more even if we're not successful. Because he has a penis gives him no right to make serious decisions that affect my family without my agreement.

      Divorce is a modern invention, sure. But marriage was created as solely a contractual agreement that advanced a family either in status or financially. And when people didn't want to be married anymore they either cheated or killed their spouses. Don't be naïve and think everyone in history was happily married.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Jesluc thanks for your comment. That you believe that there is no head of your family is fine but that does not make it right. In all institutions someone must be the head including the marriage institution. Not accepting that your husband is the head of your family is the same thing as fighting for equality like the feminist. So you are not too different from them if you are at all. I don't want to go quoting Bible verses here because I don't even know if you are a Christian. But if you are, there many areas of the Bible that address this issue. Nobody advocate that men should make decisions independently without recourse to how they affect their spouses or even children. I have not said either that every human being must enjoy happy marriage. It is not possible, but those who work at it with commitment will. It is what we sow, we reap.

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