THIS POST CONTAINS CONTENT RELATED TO PHYSICAL, VERBAL, AND SEXUAL ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS IN GRAPHIC DETAIL AND FEATURES VIDEO PSA's OF SAID ACTIONS BELOW. BE CAREFUL WHEN READING THIS, BUT CONSIDER ITS MESSAGE.
While the subject is more centered around relationships, the situations and advice for them can be applicable to basically any type of relationship, whether it is family, friends, work based, etc.
The Basics: What is Abuse?
1. use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.
"the judge abused his power by imposing the fines"
2. treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.
"riders who abuse their horses should be prosecuted"
So now we understand what abuse in a relationship is. Now what are the different types of abuse? Let's take a look.
The person you trust to comfort you and love you is now condemning you and putting you down for some reason. You have done nothing wrong, or at least you don't think you have and your significant other doesn't just politely tell you what you're doing. This can happen in a few ways;
- Degrading. They're purposely trying to embarrass you in front of others.
- Making comments about you, that while they are playful, are unwanted and they continue even after you tell them to stop.
- Taking your statements out of context. A guy tells his girl, "Hey you look great today", and she responds with, "So I look ugly every other day?". He tries to explain himself but he is out the door.
- Name calling and insulting. The one you expect to not do this is calling you stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, etc.
- Blaming and accusing. They lose their faith in you for no reason and they make you seem like the bad person.
Verbal abuse can lead to a lot of problems, the most common one being the loss of self-respect and major depression. Over time their comments become real to you and you see them as some perfect creature incapable of doing any wrong, while you think of yourself as some lowly scum. Now this can also have some psychological affects on your lover too. This can cause what we call a God complex, where they think they cannot do anything wrong and that they are always in the right and get what they want, when they want. And when something goes wrong the results can be varied from them lashing out at you, going on a tantrum, anything. Maybe they will see the error of their ways when this happens. But if they persist, it's less likely.
Our hands and feet are a big part of our body. What can I use my hands for when it comes to a relationship? I can hold my girl's hand, or I can smack her. I can put my arm around her, or choke her. What about my feet? We could play footsie under the table, or I could kick her around. What you do with these limbs can be the biggest thing in a relationship and can make or break it in an instant. Different types of physical abuse include:
- Pinching or biting
- Slapping, beating, or kicking
- Backing you into a corner
- Pinning you down
- Throwing things at you
- Pulling your hair
- Holding you captive
- Preventing you from having basic human needs
- Locking you out of the house
- Spitting on you
- Threatening to use a weapon
- Refusing to help you when you are sick, injured, or pregnant
Physical abuse can make you look like a total monster. Now, verbal/ emotional abuse can have long lasting affects on someone compared to physical. But consider the thought of your lover pushing you across the room. It can be just as scary and demeaning.
No image for this one and this can be summed up with unwanted sexual advances:
- Unwanted touching of your chest, genitals, buttocks, or any area they think turns you on or is fetish related.
- Demanding sex
- Forcing you to engage in prostitution or pornography
- Forcing you to have sex with others,
- Doing things without consent, like new positions or types of sex.
Sex is meant to be a ritual of love between a man and his wife, so when this gets messed with the consequences can be disastrous as this can also physical and verbal (threats and insults if you reject their advances).
Answer The Following
Disclaimer: You do NOT have to put this in the comments, this is just some things for you to consider in your own head. However, I will accept any stories or questions no matter how controversial the subject.
- Do you feel nervous around your partner?
- Do you have to be careful to control your behavior to avoid your partner’s anger?
- Do you feel pressured by your partner when it comes to sex?
- Are you scared of disagreeing with your partner?
- Does your partner critiize you, or humiliate you in front of other people?
- Does your parnter show a controlling behavior, such as logging into your social media, checking your phone, or controlling where you go?
- Does your partner get too jealous when you go out or talk to someone else?
- Does your partner make you feel like you are insignificant?
- Does your partner say, "I will hurt/kill you if you break up with me"?
- Does your partner make excuses for the abusive behavior? "It’s because of alcohol or drugs," or "I can’t control my temper," or something else?
- Does your partner talk about doing these kinds of things to other people? Do you have reason to believe that these things are being done to your children?
Myths About Abuse.
1. Abuse of any kind only comes from the men.
It seems that if any man speaks about being abused, he is condemned. He speaks out on how his wife hits him repeatedly and he is not man enough to defend himself. But if he is man enough then he is an abuser and the story switches to support her when she claims he hit her first. Is this right? What about if she insults him? Or she makes unwanted sexual advances? According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice, 95% of relationship abuse is perpetrated by a man against a woman and the remaining 5% is primarily a man against a man or a woman against a woman. Now let's consider the amount of men and women who are afraid to come out. That number would change quite a bit. Now let me go ahead and say I am not trying to say men's abuse records are higher than a woman's. I am simply pointing out how this can happen to men too and must be recognized.
2. Constructive criticism is abuse.
Compare these two statements. You have put on some weight and your partner says one of these two things:
- "Baby, I wanted to talk to you. I am getting concerned about your weight. I still love you and you are still beautiful, but I want you to be healthy".
- "What is wrong with you? You look disgusting, lose some weight. You're ugly."
Which one is more loving?
3. Abuse is justified.
Whether you are stressed, on drugs, you drink too much, you have a mental disorder, it doesn't matter. You do not have the right to put your spouse down like that. Plain and simple.
If you're going through this, you're not alone. And there is always hope for the better. I hope that things will turn out for you for the best.