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6 Major Mistakes Women Make With Men

Updated on March 20, 2015

Have you ever wondered what are the major mistakes you make in the way you relate to men but weren’t so sure what was wrong or how to change it ? To improve a relationship with a man, whether it is your husband, boyfriend, male friend, colleagues, or father, it may not be just about understanding the man and his behaviour, but taking an honest look at your own behaviour as well. Sometimes, we, as women, unconsciously bringing out the worst in the men we love by how we behave around them.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson

Consider the following :

Mistake No. 1 : Women sacrifice who they are and put themselves second in importance to the man they love

Do you give up your own hobbies and interests because your partner dislikes it or to avoid conflict with your partner? Do you give up friends or family members whom your partner disapproves of? Do you turn your back on people who are important to you rather than risk the loss of a man’s love?

Why do some men try to separate you from the family and friends you loved? Some men are insecure within themselves and thus they try to cut you off from your support system. When you are getting less support from these people, you will depend more on the man for love. Your relationship will also become isolated from these people’s criticism and negative feedback of his treatment to you, thereby protecting your partner from the scrutiny of these people. You then put yourself second in importance and become whatever your man wants you to be.

When you sacrifice for love and put yourself second in a relationship, you believe that your man will end up loving you more. This may or may not happen. What will happen is, as time goes by, you will end up loving yourself less. Each time you give up an interest, a family member, or a friend in the hope of winning a man’s love, you give away a piece of yourself. The more you sacrifice, the less of yourself remains, until one day, you wake up and find yourself feeling empty inside. You’ve given up all of yourself to become more acceptable, and in the process, you lost your essence, the soul of your womanhood. The loss is often followed by anger, depression and loss of self-esteem. You feel resentful towards yourself and the man you sacrificed for, who, more often than not, didn’t end up loving you the way you expected.

Mistake No. 2 : Women hide their excellence and competence

Do you have the tendency of putting yourself down in front of the man you love ? Do you often have difficult times receiving praise and compliments? Do you talk about yourself in derogatory terms for the slightest mistake you make, appearing not to like yourself very much ?

“I can’t believe how stupid I was to forget about your business function tonight.”

“I’m getting so fat, look at this cellulite!”

“My boss said he is pleased with my presentation today, but I didn’t think I did a good job. I got quite confused with the budget projections and I didn’t really know what I was talking about.”

Some women cover up their competence thinking that men will love them more that way. Have you ever been told, “Don’t act too smart around men, or they won’t want to ask you out. You have to build them up and make them feel smarter than you.”

The fact is, men are turned on by competence and turned off by weakness. Men admire competent women. They are trained to be competent themselves and recognizing it in someone else makes them feel attracted to that person.

Mistake No. 3 : Women cover up or give up their power to men

Some women sacrifice their self-respect, self-esteem, sense of personal dignity and integrity in order to get men to love them. Do you act more as a confident and powerful person at work or with friends than you do when you are with your partner ? Do you feel insecure or uncomfortable giving negative feedback to your partner ? Do you put up with intolerable behaviour of your partner in hopes of winning him over ? Do you sacrifice what you wants and needs in order to accommodate your partner ? Do you live in constant fear of disapproval ?

One of the biggest mistake women make with men is rewarding them with loving behaviour after the men treated the women badly.

Each time you give your power away to a man by allowing him to treat you disrespectfully or unlovingly, you lose respect and love for yourself. Your self-esteem will drop.

For many women, they have become so accustomed to not being treated with respect and dignity that they allow men to love them much less than they deserved to be loved.

Owning your power with men does not mean having power over them. It is about empowering yourself with love and respect and making sure the men in your life do the same.

Mistake No. 4 : Women act like mothers and treat men like children

Have you ever said any of the following things to a man ?

“Honey, did you remember to pay that overdue phone bill ?”

“You forget to make the hotel reservation ? It’s ok, I’ll do it for you.”

“Don’t forget to switch off the lights before you come upstairs.”

“Don’t you think you will feel cold with that light jacket on?”

“Darling, don’t forget to take your medicine.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to wash the cup after use?”

“The last time I asked John to do grocery shopping for me, it was a disaster. He came back with almost due bread and milk. I should have just done it myself.”

When we keep asking questions such as listed above, we are treating men like children. We are assuming that they cannot take care of themselves and need constant reminders. We act as if they are incompetent and they need us to run their lives for them.

When you treat a man like a little boy, he will act like one. When you expect a man to be incompetent, he remains incompetent.

Mistake No. 5 : Women act like little girls to get what they want from men

When you were a little girl, you got attention for being sweet, cute and vulnerable. For some women, this behaviour carries on till adulthood.

Some women act naïve or ignorant when in actual fact she knows the truth and the answer. She tries to give men the false sense of self-esteem.

Do you act hurt, cry, pout or sulk when you are angry over the way the man treats you? Do you pretend to be lost or confused when you are not? Do you speak to a man in whiny, little-girl voice rather than as a woman ? Do you create chaos in your life so that you can get a man to rescue you and secretly enjoyed being rescued?

Men may enjoy feeling big, strong and in charge, but they will not respect you. They will end up treating you like a little girl, not the woman whom you really are. This means less passion, less real love.

For some men, they are already overwhelmed by responsibilities in life. So, even though he responds to your helplessness and rescues you, he may end up feeling resentful and annoyed by your behaviour in the end.

Mistake No. 6 : Women fall in love with a man’s potential

Do you expect yourself finding men in need, and focusing much of your time and energy on “helping” them, “rescuing” them, “fixing” them? You give them time, love, money, energy and advice. And when you succeed, you pride yourself on your ability to “bring out the best in a man”? If your answer is yes, then, you are not falling in love with the man, you are falling in love with his potential. You are not really in a relationship; you are actually “working on a project”.

Having a healthy relationship with a man means loving him for who is now, and not loving him in spite of who he is today, or loving him with the hope of who he will be tomorrow.


The text and all images on this page, unless otherwise indicated, are owned by Ingenira who hereby asserts her copyright on the material. Permission must be granted by the author in writing prior to copy or republish this article in print or online. However, please feel free to copy the first paragraph with a link back to this page. Thank you.

© Ingenira


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    • profile image


      8 years ago

      That moment when you've been searching for answers about relationships and answers to your own issues....well it sucks when you figure it all out. I didn't know how insecure I was until I got into a relationship...what happened there?

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      i desagree, i guess women dont make mistakes with me

    • FullOfLoveSites profile image


      8 years ago from United States

      I feel guilty for some of those mistakes, perhaps except for the competence and sacrifice part. Good thing tho that my boyfriend has almost the same interests that I have, and when we have do a few different other interests we encourage each other to share them.

      For some other men, they are intimidated (but not necessarily don't like) independent, competent women. But they will realize in time at what a great catch this girl is, any man should feel very lucky to have a girl like that.

    • yssubramanyam profile image


      8 years ago from india, nellore. andhrapradesh

      woman find bedroom is the best place to discuss family matters. it matters a lot. nice hub.

    • profile image

      Anna McGann 

      8 years ago

      This is interesting. Except for #6, I've actually gotten complaints for not doing all the rest. I've heard "I feel stupid around you", "I wish that you'd let me do more things for you", "I'm tired of watching your shows all the time", "Why doesn't anything bother you?" (that's because I never cry), and I've been accused of not being nurturing (mothering) enough by more than just one person. I think I've finally found someone I mesh with now, but where were these guys when I was still dating! :)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Interesting hub, makes me think about some stuff.

    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Great Hub-- very useful information. It all boils down to insecurity. A strong, confident woman doesn't allow a man to disrespect her, and speaks up when she doesn't like something.

      This information is also helpful for those who find themselves in a codependent relationship-- tell-tale signs.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      OK. So I do # 4 and 6 ... what do I do...?

    • angied83 profile image

      Angie D 

      8 years ago from Cebu, PH

      Guilty of number 5. :-(

    • profile image

      another consideration 

      9 years ago

      1: Woman doesn't sacrifice a thing.

      2: She's so competent she know's it all except when to nurture a complementary relationship with her spouse. No interest in rebuilding, renewing or rediscovering the fun of mutual sexuality.

      3: She won't give up power to anyone--ever.

      4: Where did the affection go?

      5: She's so adult she has everything under control. i.e. "Adult" doesn't necessarily mean mature.

      6: Oh yeah.

      Do you get the impression I know this woman well? I was going to say intimately but that implies something we don't have - - anymore. We once did have a lot of spontaneous and enjoyable intimacy. It went somewhere. I'd like for us to find it again.

    • acaetnna profile image


      9 years ago from Guildford

      A great article, you made some excellent points.

    • uknow profile image


      9 years ago

      number 5 for me. i hate that kind.

    • Ruchi Urvashi profile image

      Ruchi Urvashi 

      9 years ago from Singapore

      Enjoyed reading your beautiful article. Yes, after marriage, I continued with my profession, interests, hobbies, friends and family members. I felt that I need to have my own life as it gives him space to have his own life too. So, after 4 years of marriage, we are enjoying our relationship.

    • LisaKoski profile image


      9 years ago from WA

      This is full of really great advice. Some of this I used to do before but learned through experience that it wasn't the best kind of behavior.

    • profile image

      Super Single Mom 

      9 years ago

      Oh this is GREAT! Thank you!

    • SilkDepartment profile image


      9 years ago

      They missed " Women fall in love with a man then spend the rest of their lives trying to change the man they fell in love with "

    • profile image

      irene martinez 

      9 years ago

      i know how you guys feel i went thro it and i didit wanted to brake up with my guy but i had to cuz he was 20 and iam 14 but age shouldt mater if you realy love the person;[

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I Know how you guys feel i just went thru a break up, and ever time i see him i wanna cry or do cry.... and i just cant seem too find the right person too tell my stories too...

    • 2cateyes profile image


      9 years ago

      Great hub! Every point that you made was so true, or at least in my experience they are.

    • pelt545 profile image


      9 years ago from Hampton Roads, VA

      Women, like men, do make mistakes but what really matters is that they find partners who are forgiving and understanding.

      I would rather find someone who accepts me for who I am, good and bad, instead of one who is quick to judge.

    • profile image

      Ojo blessing 

      9 years ago

      The fact that you have to leave your old frnds nd family, to please a partner is totally wrong cos u are soon going to be isolating ur self and feeling empty

    • poeticmentor profile image

      Asahda Shavaja Poet of the New Age 

      9 years ago from New York City

      cool hub. Thanks

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I have not witnessed to many one way relationships in favour of men lately. In fact it tends to be the opposite and that can be pretty destructive in a relationship as well. Both sides have to be fair and equal and contribute to the relationship to have the best results in life. Some of the things mentioned can be very positive at times but not all the time and no one should be put second in any relationship. Work and play should never be mixed so be the big boss at work but be an equal at home. Oddly enough relationships are based on what you want to be in the relationship, so be what you want to be based on the moment that makes it one. There is a time to be everything and anything in a complete relationship but most of all be you and be happy with the person you our with by talking these things out.

    • Aleisha Lee profile image

      Aleisha Lee 

      9 years ago

      Amazing hub. I'll make sure to remember point 4. Treat a man as a man, not as a child. Point 1 was the best. I see so many women doing this, thinking the man will end up loving them more. In the end, they usually don't end up receiving that love in return. In addition, they tend to end up losing their self and their self-esteem. If you don't feel your worth putting first, why should he?

    • A M Lehrer profile image

      A M Lehrer 

      9 years ago from Southern United States

      Brilliant! Thanks for the tips!

    • jellygator profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      Very nice!

    • Injured lamb profile image

      Injured lamb 

      9 years ago

      Yes, totally agreed. It's a useful hub that giving great advice to women...thanks for the sharing...

    • rikabothra profile image


      9 years ago

      I totally agree with you, women end up making all these mistakes and then get hurt in the process. Especially the first point - Women sacrifice who they are and put themselves second in importance to the man they love - I can definitely relate to it. You never get back the equal amount of effort you put in.

    • selfdefenselesson profile image


      9 years ago

      I agree. Especially with no.4.. God I hate that.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      love hurt

    • profile image

      little thoughts 

      9 years ago

      I love this hub, and indeed its true.

    • soneblom profile image


      9 years ago from South Africa

      Great hub! very informative too. Thanks!

    • profile image

      sophia humayuni 

      9 years ago

      it is awsome

    • KateWest profile image


      9 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Well said!

    • profile image

      Love Is Hurt 

      9 years ago

      What a brilliant hub! I completely agree with everything that you have said. Women change too much to fit in with what they think they should be, when in fact it is the independence and essence of the woman themselves that attracts men.

    • Ingenira profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago

      thanks, KenWu. :)

    • KenWu profile image


      9 years ago from Malaysia

      Good advices for both the women and men :)


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