- Gender and Relationships
Online Dating; Finding The ‘Gold’-Fish Among An Ocean Of Sharks
Entertaining advice for the 'beginner' online dater! Sometimes You Have To Kiss A Few Sharks Before You Find Your 'Gold'-Fish
It’s a big ocean out there with many beautiful and interesting attractions. Distinguishing between a ‘gold’-fish, which to most is a ‘keeper’ and a shark disguised in ‘gold’-fish clothing can be quite difficult, if not downright impossible. The sharks have an uncanny ability to disguise themselves so well that to the naked eye they appear to be a ‘gold’-fish. It takes the special ‘magnifiers’ of knowledge to recognize the difference. As they say, “knowledge is power!
If one goes fishing without their magnifiers they are in danger of passing up a true ‘gold’- fish for a shark. Sharks, being quite ruthless will target and circle their prey before they strike. When they do, they go straight for the heart and soul with the potential to cause their victims much pain and anguish. Online dating does not come without some serious risk. Much of this risk can be avoided if one knows how to spot a shark in disguise.
Everyone knows that there is no perfect fish in the sea and that almost every fish has a scale out of place somewhere. With that understanding, one could get quite confused about which out of place scale to be concerned about when there are so many scales.
Being quite the ‘gold’- fish yourself, you most certainly do not have time to waste looking for out of place scales. Such wasted time prevents you from enjoying all the wonderful scales that are in place. Why should you let one bad scale ruin it for all the rest?
Imagine you have gotten to your first date. You plan to meet at the "Coral Reef", a local nearby restaurant at 7pm. Being, right on time, you walk through the door and there sitting on a bench next to the hostess station is your date. He looks exactly the way he did in the pictures he sent.
Interestingly enough, your date is surrounded by half of the employees in the restaurant, including the owner. All eyes are on you. Somewhat intimidated and startled by all the attention, you move forward to approach the crowd.
You notice that your date has not a scale out of place. His pearly white teeth light up the room each time he smiles. As he reaches down to turn off the cell phone clipped to his belt, he turns to the owner and requests the "best table in the house."
Feeling rather special, you follow the owner to the back of the restaurant where you are seated at a very private table. Your date being 2 steps behind, trips over one of his shoe laces and just barely misses the floor as he stops himself from falling.
Within mere seconds you watch as his emotions go from being stunned to embarrassed then to rageful. He turns to the owner and in an angry voice asks "don't you know how dangerous it is to have carpets that are not flat? I could have seriously hurt myself." The owner assures him that the carpets are new and quite flat. He takes the opportunity to request a discount on his meal.
Finally he is seated and it is time to order. He decides that he will order one dish to be shared between the two of you "because this is not about the food" he informs you. He decides that the dish to be shared will be what the owner recommends. The owner, obviously feeling very uncomfortable about this unusual request states, "Sir, I don't make recommendations. I don't know what either of you like". After much back and forth the owner finally recommends the lamb.
As you are casually conversing while sipping your wine, you find the conversation getting deeper. The conversation eventually rolls around to his ex-wife. A look of sadness comes over his face as he begins to recall the unhappy memories associated with being unwelcome in his own home by his now ex- wife and 3 children.
His ex-wife who was totally ungrateful for the hard work it required to achieve the high standard of living they had grown accustomed to, made his life miserable. She let the cats that he never wanted in the first place scratch up the furniture and she turned the kids against him. He was left with no choice but to stay away from home as much as possible by taking advantage of job travel opportunities.
By this point, you are almost hooked. This poor man lost out on watching his children grow up because of his evil, wretched wife, yet he stuck it out for the sake of the kids. He continued to bring home the bacon for 20 years while his wife sexually deprived him.
To make matters worse, he never once cheated on his wife. He professed that he wished that he had cheated because he is just now, at the age of 45, beginning to feel the pleasure of life once again.
Your heart melts for this good man that had a strong sense of commitment to his wedding vows and children. You wonder how any woman could be so cruel to such a sweet man.
It is at this moment that he reaches over, puts his hand on yours and tells you what a great listener you are and lets you know how easy to talk to you are. He lets you know how good it feels to finally talk to someone who understands.
When your meal arrives, so does another glass of wine. Despite what appears to be genuine warmth and kindness, he gazes at you with a stare that appears cold and empty. It sends shivers down your spine.
He tells you how much you remind him of an old girlfriend that he almost married before he met his ex-wife. You find yourself being drawn closer and closer to him despite a nagging voice in the back of your head telling you to run. You want to believe that this very physically attractive man is everything he portrays himself to be.
He escorts you out to your car. He bends over and gives you the most incredible kiss that you can ever remember getting. As he straightens up ever so tall, he states "I think this is love". Your insides melt and you find yourself temporarily insane with the idea that this could be "love". Suddenly you are shaken back into reality as you recall the empty cold stare that sent shivers down your spine.
Signs that you have had dinner with a shark:
- He likes to be seen and heard. He revels in the attention and adoration of others and will seek any opportunity to gain it. That explains why half the restaurant was surrounding him when you walked through the door.
- Sharks pay very close attention to their image, also known as their "façade" which explains why there was not a scale out of place and his teeth were pearly white.
- Sharks have more than 1 fish on the hook at a time. They often need to keep their cell phones nearby so they can keep up with each fish, each lie and account for their time as necessary. This explains the cell phone on his belt.
- Sharks have a strong sense of entitlement which explains the need for the "best table in the house".
- Sharks have little sense of personal responsibility and will blame others for their faults and misgivings. They are also easily angered. This explains the angry snit our shark got into when he tripped over his shoe laces and blamed the carpet.
- Sharks are controlling and domineering. This explains why he did not give you a choice about how and what you could order.
- Sharks love to hook and reel you in with a good sob story. This explains why he so quickly told you his sad story about how horribly his ex-wife treated him. This was all likely a lie.
- Sharks try to get too close to fast. They seek "instant intimacy". They have no boundaries. This explains the personal story, the hand holding and the kiss.
- Sharks emotionally manipulate you into thinking you are "special" in order to gain whatever it is that they have determined that they want from you. This explains why you were told that he had not opened up to anyone before about his sad story and that he did so because you are so easy to talk to. It also explains "I think this is love"
- Sharks are empty and dead inside. This explains the cold, empty stare that sent shivers up your spine.