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Dating A Friend - Can It Actually Work?

Updated on June 4, 2010

It's one of the most common questions that beginner daters and veterans alike ask: is dating a friend of mine a recipe for trouble? Well let's understand one thing: this article isn't going to tell you exactly what to do. It will, however, provide some thought-provoking questions that will hopefully point you in the right direction. Turning a friendship into a dating relationship, and even a marriage, is complicated; yet it can also be a positive and enriching experience.

One of the first things that happens when you start to realize you have feelings for a friend is you immediately stop and ask yourself if this is the right thing to be doing. But like all decisions, you must weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. The first area to analyze should be the strength of your current, friend-relationship. For example, two people can be friends, but not be extremely compatible at all. It is possible to get along great for the sole reason that you are friends, and taking it any further would result in an awkward situation. Step one should always be analyzing the situation. From here, you may realize that your friend also has feelings for you and that you both have been hiding it for the other. In this case, it's probably best to at least talk about the situation.

Once you decide whether or not it is beneficial to express your feelings to your friend, you have to come to terms with a few things before you take your relationship to the next level. For example, you must understand that, as friends, you know a lot more about each other that many other partners experience during the "getting to know one another" phase. This may take some initial excitement away from the experience, but it also may mean that your relationship has a stronger base to grow from.

Taking the initial plunge into asking out a friend is almost undoubtedly going to be much more awkward than a typical date. But it can be accomplished, and, assuming your friend has mutual feelings, is rewarding as well.

Once the dating scene begins, it can become difficult at first to define to others the nature of your relationship. People won't understand that you are dating at first when they see you together because that's how it's always been. But in time, many will understand. Another pitfall is to ensure that you clearly define your own dates versus simply hanging out as friends. In order to be romantic partners, you have to make time for the two of you, separate from your typical group of friends.

Benefits of Dating a Friend

  • Already know each other and your likes and dislikes
  • Tends to be less awkward once the relationship gets moving since you already are familiar with each other
  • You are aware that you are compatible before dating rather than finding out after the fact
  • Is fun, rewarding, and equally as satisfying as any other dating prospective

Drawbacks of Dating a Friend

  • Can be awkward at first
  • Others may not know that you are actually dating now
  • Hard to make time for you alone as partners and not just friends
  • May result in a lost friend if the relationship turns sour

So in conclusion, you alone must decide if it is worth it to ask out a friend. There have been an equal number of successes as failures in these cases, and only you will know if it is right. Just be aware that doing so may cost you a friendship, but that the benefits, if everything works out, are amazing and rewarding.


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      beverly 6 years ago

      but what if your best friend is someone who 'was' best friends with your ex of three months from a year ago but they no longer talk because your ex moved to another country and they just drifted. what if every thing the guy you like does or says, implies that he might just like you but ur unsure because its a place you shouldn't want to go. but then again its just that if he really was a good mate. even friends with me would be a no- go zone. but all i know is that i really really really like him more than just a friend but i cant do anything about it. i told him i did at a point even but he said knowing that nothing could happen makes things easier. and i didn't really want him to expand on that so i left it. but he still keeps coming back and wants everything to do with me, as friends. its hard and i feel theres nothing i can do about it :(

    • xnotion profile image

      xnotion 7 years ago

      Thanks Mystique for stopping by and for the comments!

    • Mystique1957 profile image

      Mystique1957 7 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

      Quite interesting! Very realistic and some very good pointers! It is quite helpful indeed! Thumbs up!

      Warmest regards and infinite heavenly blessings,