- Gender and Relationships
Dating Advice - "Offensive Content"?
What is offensive?
Wow! A first for me! My article "How to be a Woman and 'First Date' a Guy" was removed (from another site) because of "offensive content." Hmmm. Like many writers, I try to have a wide web presence; therefore, I write articles for various venues. I have no problem accepting the rules for each of these sites (and I humbly apologize if I was offensive in any way).
Hopefully, HubPages will view this advice for what it is... probably way off base and "dated" (so to speak) information, and a weak attempt at humor... but is it offensive? What do you think? It's only in hindsight that I can give dating advice. (I've been married a long time.) When I was dating I could have used advice from my future self.
How to be a Woman and "First Date" a Guy
Ok, you hot, sexy woman, you are tired of picking up guys and having flings. And now you like one particular guy that you want a real relationship with. And you actually got enough "balls" to call him up. You’ve made the first move. You managed to ask him out. Without him thinking you’re "easy." Or so it seems. But, for now, it looks as if you were able to get a legitimate "date" with the guy.
Since no woman has ever done this before to him, now he thinks he is hot stuff. He’s thinking that he knew all along that he didn’t need to expose himself (pun intended) to being rejected. (Despite their often incomprehensible reaction, guys of course hate to feel hurt and as women know, the best way to hurt them is to reject them and make them feel like a failure.)
Meet him for coffee. A coffee meet will help subtly divert his thinking away from seeing you as "easy," but you will need to set the record straight directly. Guys do not do nuance well because they are constantly struggling between their two heads. Simply say that you wanted to go out with him, but you were concerned about calling and leaving the impression you were a slut. (Of course, you must believe this yourself first. This is not the time to be asking yourself, Am I a slut?) He will assure you that he didn’t think that all; he will be lying, and maybe silently cursing, but once you start an intelligent conversation, he will soon forget about his juvenile first impressions.
Yes, speak intelligently. Meet only for coffee at first, then follow up with something else. If you find yourself agreeing on things, and sharing a sincere laugh or two, then you can follow up with another idea. You can say, hey, let’s go for a drink, or a dinner, or movie or something. (Assuming he agrees to coffee in the first place. If he says no, don’t give up. He may actually be unable for whatever reason. If he says no a second time, give up.)
Don’t expect him to know how to treat a woman. He probably hasn’t a clue. If you expect (or want) something, tell him. If he feels really weird or obnoxious doing simple things, like say, opening a door, or treating you with respect, then forget about suggesting anything beyond coffee. Say thanks, but… you have to go home and change the cat litter.
If you go out with him after coffee, and you have a few drinks, and get really turned on, DO NOT suggest you go back to your place (with all your dirty clothes on the floor?) or his absolutely filthy place. If things are working out okay, a good long sexy kiss is fine, but control yourself after that. You’ve worked hard to show him that not only are you good-looking, but smart too, don’t blow it by becoming his first immature impression of you. You slut, you.
For a second date, follow most of the advice above. It’s okay to call him, but tell him that you feel uncomfortable calling all the shots… then don’t call, forget about him, and wait. This is the most difficult part. If he doesn’t call back…. You can call one more time, but that’s it. Stop and cut your losses. Finally, suggest that you remain friends. Networking with friends (face to face) is a good way to meet people for all sorts of things… like relationships, jobs, interviews, and recommendations.