Are You the Jealous Type?
Jealousy is something that can make a relationship fail very quick. It doesn't matter who is the jealous one because jealousy can take over and overshadow any good that is happening. When both people in the relationship are the jealous type, the problem is further exacerbated. Again, jealousy can be healthy in a relationship, it just depends on how you choose to view it and react to it.
I have dealt with jealous guys and I have been the jealous girlfriend myself so I know both sides of the game. Neither of these sides is a winner though. When you're dealing with jealous guys you're not happy, especially if you're not doing anything wrong. The same goes for being the jealous girlfriend, you're definitely not happy and you have no peace of mind if you're constantly worrying about what your boyfriend is doing.
Jealous in a relationship can be healthy, but in very small doses. Both people have to be mature and handle it in a responsible way. For example, if your boyfriend gets a little jealous that some guy on the street walks past you and turns his head to stare at you that's certainly not a problem. This just goes to show your boyfriend that you're an attractive woman and that he is lucky to have you. No one is at fault here because no one has done anything but look, and the looking was done by a complete stranger who neither of you know. The same goes for you glancing at a nice looking guy in a store who walks past you. Okay, your boyfriend is right next to you, but you have done nothing wrong by looking. You would have looked at anyone who walked past you, this just happened to be an attractive guy who you admired from afar. If anything, the guy walking past you two should be jealous because you're already taken and that man next to you is a lucky guy! If you think about it this way, and laugh at jealousy instead of make it the enemy in your relationship, then you ultimately win the game and so does your significant other.
Unfortunately, dealing with jealousy is not always so easy. There is usually someone at work or in your social circle who you think has an eye on your man. Yes, you are the jealous girlfriend here but you don't see a way out. I used to think that being jealous meant that you cared. If you didn't get jealous at all when someone else admired your significant other maybe you weren't that into them in the first place. Now I know that jealousy is a little more complicated then that. So what do you do when you know someone is after your man? Well the more important question is what is he after? Do you trust him? If you're completely confident in your man and that he has eyes only for you then it doesn't matter if 100 women are after him, because he'll only see you. If your relationship is barely hanging on and there are women throwing themselves at him all the time then you have a choice to make. You either have to work on the relationship to the point where you can trust each other, or you just walk away for good. The thing that you can't do is torture yourself by being the jealous girlfriend and wondering if your man is going to cheat on you with every girl he meets.
Seriously, if jealousy is becoming such an issue that it's ruining your life and your relationship then by all means end the relationship. It is just ruining both of your lives and your chances at happiness. Also, look at the attitude your man has. Is he a flirt by nature? Is he enjoying all the attention he is getting? When tempted, do you really think he would cheat on you? If you can answer yes to all those questions then you might be better off just walking away and finding someone else. If your man is a cheater and always has been then you should just walk away. Plus if he cheated with you, he is more likely to cheat on you too. Before you make any big decisions, figure out what his character is and what his morals and values are. You should know him better than anybody so that shouldn't be a hard task.
Jealousy can also make you do things that you never thought you would like checking his cell phone and emails. If it has gotten to this point then it's definitely clear that you have a trust issue and something is not working in the relationship. If it really makes you feel better and gives you a peace of mind then you should check his phone a few times if you suspect that he's cheating on you. Go ahead check it three times, but if you come up empty let it go for awhile. If there is evidence to be found you will find it, but if there's nothing then there's nothing and you can relax, at least for the time being. Checking someone's phone because you think they are cheating is the last thing I would suggest doing. There are other ways to know if someone is cheating like by their attitude and behavior towards you. You should be asking yourself questions like 'Has there been a sudden shift in his affection towards you?' 'Does he come home late all the time now?' 'Has your sex life been lacking or nonexistent?' The answers to these questions can tell you a lot more then some text messages that can be innocent.
Maybe you're wondering if you're just being paranoid and it's all in your head. The truth is it might be. When I was the jealous girlfriend I thought that everyone who talked to my boyfriend wanted to steal him away from me. Turns out I was being paranoid because when we broke up none of those people wanted to date him. On the other hand, there was a particular girl that I always felt had a thing for him and it made me jealous because I knew what she was after. I just had a feeling in my gut that she had feelings for him and I was right! When we broke up she started dating him! She was supposed to be my friend but that's beside the point. If you have a feeling in your gut about someone then listen to it. Only you know you so make sure what you're feeling is enough to act a certain way.
Being with a jealous man is also an uncomfortable situation to be in. Men have a way of turning jealousy into a control issue. Such as he will control every aspect of your life because he's jealous and afraid you will cheat. This will make for a terrible relationship and have you running for the hills very fast. In general, don't choose a guy who has a controlling nature at all. These guys will take jealousy to a very different level very fast. Sometimes all it takes is sitting down and having a conversation with your man. If you explain to him that he has nothing to worry about and that you have no interest in anyone else this should do the trick. Many times a conversation is all that it takes to clear the air. Remember that communication is very important in a relationship. Most of us aren't mind readers and men especially need things spelled out for them like children sometimes.
In the end, being jealous is a choice you make. You either choose to be jealous or choose not to be. If everything is great in your relationship and every once in a way a girl looks at your man and you get jealous that's natural. If a guy glances at you and your man gets a little jealous that's natural too. Don't worry about it, we're only human after all. And as humans we like to look at things and at people who are appealing to the eye. It's pleasant and it's visually stimulating. It's only human nature.