- Gender and Relationships
Do You Have the FACE You Need for Dating?
Dating can be hard but at some point we have to just face our fears and plunge headfirst in to the dating pool. Humans are often hardest on themselves and as a single person the voice that we hear the most is the critical one inside our own heads. This can cause us to think negatively about ourselves, fearing that we simply are not good enough for the dating world. What we attack most often is our looks, because we know that beauty matters in the dating game. Or does it? Sometimes, the FACE that we need is not the face that we thought.
FACE is an acronym that stands Finding and Accessing Confidently the Experience of dating. First, you have to learn how to find the person who is right for you. Second, you have to realize thathe or she is accessible. Third, you need to exude the confidence to attractthat person. And finally, you need to be willing to experience the relationshipcompletely. Here are some tips for revealing your own face and taking thedating world by storm.
F for first you have to find her (or him):
The problem that most people have with getting a date is not that they don’t know how to talk to someone of the opposite sex. It’s not even that they aren’t sure how to approach him or her. Instead, it’s that they don’t know where to findher in the first place. If you aren’t in college and you don’t want to get involved in the drama that comes with dating your co-workers, where are you going to meet someone with whom you might be compatible? The critical thing to realize here is that there are people all around you who are viable swimmers inyour dating pool.
You might not always think of these people as potential dates. You don’t fantasize about them being the mothers of your children or playing the lion in your bedroom fantasies. But you notice them, subtly. There are people all around you- at the grocery store, at the bookstore, on public transportation, in the elevator, at the park. Every time that you step out of your house, you encounter people who could be your potential life partner if you took the time to consider them as such.
Even if you don’t leave your house, there are potential partners at your fingertips through the online world. You need to assume that any time is the right time to meet a love match and then leave yourself open to the possibilities that could happen with any of the ones in your world. This sense of openness is the first step to improving your FACE and meeting the person you might be able to love.
A is for accessibility:
So, the first thing you’ve realizedis that there are potential dates everywhere. Now you must realize that these people are accessible to you. They are people that you can date. People seem to come up with a million and one excuses not to approach a potential partner. Common excuses include, “she probably has a boyfriend”, “he’s probably stuck up”, “he’s out of my league”, and “she’s with her friends and I don’t want to bother her”. The pattern here is that all of these are just ideas, possibilities which are existing in your head and in your head alone. Sure, some people might shoot you down and others will be involved with someone else.
But for the most part, everyone that you see and think that you want is attainable on some level. Every individual has needs which must be met and it becomes a game of figuring out what those needs are and meeting them. So, she has a boyfriend? She might not have that boyfriend forever, and maybe what she’s going to need is a shoulderto cry on, a shoulder which she’ll soon realize is just broad enough to holdher up and help her to move on. Even the person who seems to be completely off limits for one reason or another just needs to be approached in the right way at the right time. And what you may find is that someone who is in a great relationship and stays in one still ends up being a terrific friend to you.
You have to at least take the chance that someone is accessible to you.
That brings us to C for confidence:
The single greatest attribute you can bring to the dating table is confidence. This is not to be mistaken for cockiness, a trait which can come off as abrupt and rude and be a turnoff. Rather, it should be an internal attribute which you hone over time. You should remind yourself that the people of interest to you are accessible if you want them andthat you will have no problem getting them if you put in the effort. This internal knowledge will decrease the pressure of the dating game and increase your happiness. Others will be drawn to this because they will know that you aren’t trying to date them because you desperately need them, but rather because you are truly interested in them. Nothing is sexier to than being wanted by someone who knows he (or she) can have whatever is desired. If you don’t have that confidence yet, pretend that you do. Most people are so concerned with themselves that they won’t realize you’re faking it and eventually the “fake it ‘til you make it” philosophy will sink in and you’ll feel comfortable in all sorts of dating scenarios. Of course, you need to be proud of what you’re doing in your own life to have any sort of confidence about who you are so make sure that you are leading a full and interesting life that you can get excited about.
Experience is everything:
Finally, once you’ve mastered the concepts outlined above, you are ready to seal your FACE with the smile of experience. Rejection is an awful thing, but the more times that you put yourself out there to be rejected, the more likely you are to get what you are seeking. Take each experience with a grain of salt and view each as a way to learn what to do better next time. Hone your skills by changing tactics over time and seeing what really works for you. Don’t be afraid to take risks. You have the FACE youneed.