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It would be a terrible and difficult decision to make though. And after years of being told how to behave followed by years people breaking away at her self esteem, I couldn't blame her.

What's that old saying? "Life is 25% of what the world throws at you...and the other 75% is your reaction to it," Believing that there is a solution is a very powerful motivator - but when people lose that belief they give up seeking for that difficult to find answer.

This applies to everything...could you imagine if the Wright brothers gave up on their plane before it flew? They BELIEVED there was an answer and didn't stop seeking it.

When women are treated a certain way for so long they come to believe there is nothing better. That first step is always the hardest...

Wow, That's a terrible example of how illiteracy effects a woman's life. You only have to look at the different pradesh's in India - those that have a higher rate of female education also have smaller families. The women realize that they don't have to have 6 kids but they can go on to find work. Where as the area's with fewer educated women have the larger families...and the poverty to go with it. Terrible shame.

It would be a mistake to think that we could fix such deep cultural problems. I'm unsure of the resources that a woman in your area would have. We have all sorts of women's refuges, adult literacy programs, crisis accommodation and that sort of stuff in Aus. Social Security. There's so many resources for women in so many situations.

On your side of the border it's different like you say...there's just so many problems that still need a solution especially out in the villages which are always slow to change their old fashioned ways of treating women. I'm guessing the caste system is still going strong out in these area's? And there's little or no concept of "equal rights" - like you say, daughters are trained from birth to be quiet and do what they are told.

You're right. That's not a marriage.

I would be doing everything I could to put as much distance between myself and those in laws as possible. But where would she go? The cities are filled with these poorly educated women who find themselves in brothels and I'm guessing her family would never intervene because they see this "marriage" as a better or more secure future for her.

I think there's always a way out of these situations...but it would create as many new problems as there were old ones and finding an opportunity get out could be near impossible. It's definitely easier said than done.

Aamna, sorry, compoter troubles.

You ARE very fortunate to have a great marriage especially when you look at the marriages around you. Because there are so many cultural issues that add to the problem in your example, I wouldn't know where to begin!

The problem of in-laws is age old. It can only be resolved when he talks to his family and she talks to hers about giving the couple some space to forge ahead, find their own feet and do their own thing. Even then things can be tense for years to come. There HAS to be boundaries and but the hard part is enforcing them.

A couple that don't talk to each other need to open those lines of communication. They need to be able to court and date each other all over again - which in this case may be the first time if it was an arranged marriage. In either case, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to repair.

It may begin with small talk about the weather or how annoying the neighbours are (something they can't argue about) and then slowly build up to more serious issues about the household and relationship. It's about focusing on common ground rather than differences.

Now the best way to talk to husbands is not face to face. Women talk like this. They sit down together and bond over their common ground - work, kids, marriage etc. Men do not respond well to this kind of talk, They shut down and avoid the subject and do what they must to leave the situation it.

When guys need to talk about somethings serious, they talk SIDEWAYS. They talk when both parties are busy with something else that can take the heat when it gets tough. I'm making a hub right now about it right now so keep an eye out.