FREE Mini Course - Marriage In Crisis?
Having relationship Troubles?
I like free. Do you like free? In a day and age where the costs of living is on the rise and marital troubles and affairs are on the up and up, I think free is just downright great.
One of the hardest facts about marriage problems is that they often go hand in hand with financial problems. Does this mean that there is no hope for a couple that can't afford counselling?
The sad truth about marriages is that time's are a'changing. Around 50% of marriages end in divorce and the number one marriage killer is the not so humble affair. I thought we should take a moment to go through some of the other relationship killers before I tell you where you can get your free 6 part mini course that is delivered each day to your Inbox
As a matter of interest, did you know...
- That 10% of couples live in a sexless marriage? A sexless marriage is defined as less than 10 times per year and is very reparable but sadly, many choose not to invest the time, money or hard work into resolving a very common problem
- That statistically 1 in 5 men will cheat on their most beloved
- Don''t let that fool you the number of women responsible for affairs has seen a 10% increase in the past 10 years and 1 in 6 woman hold the blame in their marriage.
So where have all these relationships gone wrong? If you're the type of person who wants to skip the kerfuffle then go ahead and get out of here...
Get Your FREE Marriage Mini Course Here
- My Marriage Mender: FREE Marriage Mini Course (a joint venture)
Marriage in crisis? Find out how to get your free marriage saving mini course here.
Define your most pressing problem...
Top Marriage Killers
Affairs are the number one cause of divorce but are by no means the only things. So what are the other top five marriage killers?
Workaholics
It's perfectly reasonable in this day and age to expect to work - a lot - if you want to get ahead with the bills and create a financially secure environment for your family. Work in itself is not an issue here but when you shift your focus to your work relationship rather than your marital one then you can be sure that troubles will follow. Workaholics make their primary identity their work identity rather than their family relationships. Workaholics can be recognized by the fact that they prefer to spend their free time at work by accepting all offers of overtime and they also count time as money. For example, a trip to the Doctor won't cost $50...it costs $120 in lost wages and the cost of the consult.
Children
As much as we love them, as much joy and pleasure they bring into our lives, they can also push a marriage to the very limit of it's existence. Particularly, young children have the ability to steal the spotlight away from your spouse, Ideals of discipline or parenting techniques are often the cause of serious rifts in a marriage.
The Third Wheel Syndrome
The first thought that comes to my mind is emotional affairs. Emotional affairs occur when one spouse finds somebody else that they rely on to share their emotional well being and companionship.
But this is by no means the end of it. Another major cause is anybody who rely's on one partner and requires an exceptional amount of their time. This is especially true of aging parents who need extra care and family or friends that are experiencing physical or emotional trauma's.
Addictions
In my mind nothing destroys strong marriages faster than an addiction. The user often shifts the guilt and blame to the other partner in an effort to justify the addiction and can be down right notorious liars. Addictions not only include alcoholism or drug dependency.
Other addictions can include pornography, computer addictions and thrill seeking addictions.
Without a doubt...
These are very common causes of disharmony in any and every relationship and without a doubt they would have affected (or they are affecting) your own marriage at some stage.
Listen carefully...
A successful marriage is dependent on your reaction to these circumstances as they arise.
This 6 part mini series will address each issue (and so many more) in turn and provided you with my favorite weapon to safeguard your marriage - understanding. It is only through accurate knowledge that you can come to understand your partner and take real and lasting action that will ensure you both a long and happy life together.
And so, without any further ado...
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Comments
AUTHORIt would be a terrible and difficult decision to make though. And after years of being told how to behave followed by years people breaking away at her self esteem, I couldn't blame her.
What's that old saying? "Life is 25% of what the world throws at you...and the other 75% is your reaction to it," Believing that there is a solution is a very powerful motivator - but when people lose that belief they give up seeking for that difficult to find answer.
This applies to everything...could you imagine if the Wright brothers gave up on their plane before it flew? They BELIEVED there was an answer and didn't stop seeking it.
When women are treated a certain way for so long they come to believe there is nothing better. That first step is always the hardest...
true that there always are solutions for problems but they are solved if they are considerted serious and real problems. the woman herself is as negligent of her situation as man and the government, she does not want to bring over change in her life because its considered shame to discuss you personal matter in public. there are programs running for women but as i said they don't want to avail it.
we talk of women liberation but its not there.
- AUTHOR
Wow, That's a terrible example of how illiteracy effects a woman's life. You only have to look at the different pradesh's in India - those that have a higher rate of female education also have smaller families. The women realize that they don't have to have 6 kids but they can go on to find work. Where as the area's with fewer educated women have the larger families...and the poverty to go with it. Terrible shame.
It would be a mistake to think that we could fix such deep cultural problems. I'm unsure of the resources that a woman in your area would have. We have all sorts of women's refuges, adult literacy programs, crisis accommodation and that sort of stuff in Aus. Social Security. There's so many resources for women in so many situations.
On your side of the border it's different like you say...there's just so many problems that still need a solution especially out in the villages which are always slow to change their old fashioned ways of treating women. I'm guessing the caste system is still going strong out in these area's? And there's little or no concept of "equal rights" - like you say, daughters are trained from birth to be quiet and do what they are told.
You're right. That's not a marriage.
I would be doing everything I could to put as much distance between myself and those in laws as possible. But where would she go? The cities are filled with these poorly educated women who find themselves in brothels and I'm guessing her family would never intervene because they see this "marriage" as a better or more secure future for her.
I think there's always a way out of these situations...but it would create as many new problems as there were old ones and finding an opportunity get out could be near impossible. It's definitely easier said than done.
i partially agree to what ever you have said elizebeth but on our side the scenario is pretty different....how can a couple talk out differences when they don't have anything in common to talk about....the guy could be a doctor or lawyer and the girl complete illiterate from a far fetched village.
in laws could also be more difficult because the wife only lives with them and the guy lives in an other city or country coz of his job, in most of the cases the husband is not allowed to take the wife along. now who should talk to the parents? even if they burn the wife alive, the husband can't say a thing.
the root case to all tis is illeteracy.
- AUTHOR
Aamna, sorry, compoter troubles.
You ARE very fortunate to have a great marriage especially when you look at the marriages around you. Because there are so many cultural issues that add to the problem in your example, I wouldn't know where to begin!
The problem of in-laws is age old. It can only be resolved when he talks to his family and she talks to hers about giving the couple some space to forge ahead, find their own feet and do their own thing. Even then things can be tense for years to come. There HAS to be boundaries and but the hard part is enforcing them.
A couple that don't talk to each other need to open those lines of communication. They need to be able to court and date each other all over again - which in this case may be the first time if it was an arranged marriage. In either case, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to repair.
It may begin with small talk about the weather or how annoying the neighbours are (something they can't argue about) and then slowly build up to more serious issues about the household and relationship. It's about focusing on common ground rather than differences.
Now the best way to talk to husbands is not face to face. Women talk like this. They sit down together and bond over their common ground - work, kids, marriage etc. Men do not respond well to this kind of talk, They shut down and avoid the subject and do what they must to leave the situation it.
When guys need to talk about somethings serious, they talk SIDEWAYS. They talk when both parties are busy with something else that can take the heat when it gets tough. I'm making a hub right now about it right now so keep an eye out.
Hi Elizebeth, touch wood i am very happy with my man and so is he. coming towards counselling now, you know wht despite the fact that we pakistanis are pretty modern n literate but no matter how bad the marriage is going the two never complain, they sacrifice n compromise. no matter what happens they try to drag the relation, the reason is culture, society and bla bla. very few are cases which either end or need justice. the daughters from day one are taught to live in peace no matter wht. now education has brought awareness and the couple understands each other well. there still are are cases where husband does not even talk to the wife his entire life but kids are born and i dont call this marriage rather legal its prostitution. there are cases in which husband and wife are pretty happy togather but the in laws on the other hand suck the daughter in laws blood dry (joint family system exists). most important of all is no matter whether the couple is happy or not, let there be any reason, they prefer spending their life that way rather than bringing it into picture. now in this scenario how would one councel and help.
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