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Love and Marriage: Knowing When Its Time to Walk Away from an Abusive Relationship.

Updated on June 20, 2014

Partners for life

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Preserving an Abusive Relationship


There are some things it's best to be realistic about when it comes to trying to preserve an abusive relationship. People are usually a bit surprised when they hear the first point mentioned here, but after an explanation, they usually agree that it is a valid point. You may want to consider never:


1. Fighting endlessly to save a marriage or a relationship.

Some relationships are just not meant to be simply because the partners were never meant to be together. Compatibility plays a very important role in maintaining long term relationships. When compatibility is lacking, the fighting never ceases. The relationship then becomes a war zone in which both parties feel trapped. Why should anyone want to fight to keep both themselves and their partner trapped for life? The man, for example, would not be able to fully love the woman, and that would make her endlessly miserable. That is certainly no way to spend the rest of your life.


There are some relationships that are worth fighting for, and in some cases it can be hard to determine when to throw in the towel. The key lies in being realistic. If you know that you partner does not truly love or respect you, it may be a hard pill to swallow, but you will never be able to get them to love you the way you should be loved. You may end up fighting for a relationship that ends years later any way. You may be able to fight and keep it together for five or ten years, but would it be worth all the misery?

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So many partners end up hurting each other emotionally, sometimes physically and sometimes fatally, Had they admitted to the mistake of being involved with each other and moved on, all that drama would not have taken place.


If you decide to work through the relationship, remember, you cannot change your spouse into who you want them to be by criticizing them endlessly or trying to shame them. Focus instead on improving yourself. If it is meant to be, your partner will start taking note and respond to you in a more favorable manner.


2. Allowing your child to suffer through a turbulent relationship.


This is one point where many people really need to step up and draw the line. Too many children have to endure the nasty fights and tensions that take place between their parents. While you as adults try to negotiate and get it together year after year, and things just never seem to get any better, the child is left to cope with the emotional distress and anxiety caused from never knowing what to expect.


Breaking a relationship where children are involved, and both parents care deeply for the child is never easy. This is like being caught, as they say, between a rock and a hard place. It is not easier for the child. The options for both party is either dealing with the separation or the continued fighting and tension in the home. Both are pretty unappealing, and as parents you will have to deal with both your hurt and that of the child. You will both hurt if things continue the way they are, and you will both hurt if there is a separation. It is not an easy choice, but if there is no love in the relationship it’s best to let go.


Your child should be given a happy healthy life under your care, but when you are unable to provide the sort of happy home you desire, your next option must be to provide the best one you can.

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So many children are hurting because of what takes place in the home. This hurt often comes as a result of the parents being divorced or they have a rocky relationship.

As much as it pains the heart of many children that their parents are not together, some children from homes where the parents do not get along have indicated that they would rather the parents separate. This is because they would prefer to live with one parent with some level of peace, than to remain in a home where there is no peace and evidence of love between their parents.

Many parents too have opted to lead a life as a caring single parent with the child having easy access to the other parent, rather than to live in situation where both parents are fighting all the time. Living in a home where the parents are just as good as divorced, or where everyday it is like a scene of mortal combat is poison for all involved.

3. Cutting yourself off from friends and family because your partner demands it.


Any man who decides to dictate to a woman that she should break ties with friends and family should himself be eliminated from her life. The same is true if the tables are turned. As a rule, only keep as friends those who enrich your life. This includes your partner.

When it comes to the ex-partners there can be some issues, but if your new partner is not even willingly to take some time to learn of your friends and the relationships you have then that might be a sign that you will have some trouble in your relationship. Ex’s may be a bone of contention and present some level of unease for some men and women, but the key is getting to know your friends.

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The fact is that even as partners you will both have your own likes, dislikes, needs and preferences. Trying to control your partner is not acceptable and it should not be tolerated. If you give your partner reason to want the relationship to end that’s a whole other matter. There is a line that friends should not cross, and if you fail to maintain that line with any of your friends then without doubt your partner has valid reasons to want the relationship to end.

That said, be careful of any man or woman who wants to choose your friends for you and cut you off from your family. Family and friends are our support group before there was a wife or husband.

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4. Changing your views to please you partner


Your spouse should be able to respect you as an individual. Do not change your views simply because your wife or husband does not agree with them. Anyone who is not accommodating and respectful of your way of thinking, your views and your opinions may just not be worth it.

That does not mean you are always right and should be hardheaded, but you should both be able to express yourselves and receive the honest views of your spouse rather than having them try to change and control the way you think.

You should extend the same courtesies by never trying to control your partner's mental faculties. Be true to yourself and allow them to do the same.

For Better or Worse - Tyler Perry

5. Live a lie.

Lies will always catch up with us sooner or later. Quality relationships require quality time and effort from both parties. The key to a successful relationship is for each person to be true to themselves and their partner. Be confident in who you are and what you have to offer.

Trying to offer more than we can, and living in a fantasy land by not being truthful to ourselves, is truly the key for failure in a relationship.


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Strangers, Friends, Partners - Stangers Again

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    • ohic32 profile imageAUTHOR

      Althea Reader 

      6 years ago from Jamaica

      Thanks Tonipet.

      Its good to know you found it informative. :)

    • Tonipet profile image

      Tonette Fornillos 

      6 years ago from The City of Generals

      Marvelous views! I couldn't agree with you more, you're right, why waste life with something that's not worth- fighting for. I find this one funny, "Any man who decides to dictate to me who to eliminate from my life will himself be eliminated." My votes to that too!

    • ohic32 profile imageAUTHOR

      Althea Reader 

      6 years ago from Jamaica

      And thank you for stopping by. I am happy you enjoyed it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      6 years ago

      I enjoyed the hub. Thank you.

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