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How to Cope With a Divorce
A divorce is one experience that can overwhelm a family and, as a result, drain the members of the family experiencing the divorce emotionally.
However, you can emerge from this experience a stronger, better man or woman, if you make good choices.
In this article, I want to focus on the family by looking at how a man or woman going through this experience can cope with divorce.
Let us look at some of the things you can do to handle the situation so that you don’t descend into pits of despair and hopelessness.
Refuse to Let the Divorce Dominate You
It may be challenging to work through the emotional pain and regret of the divorce—on certain occasions, memories of the happy times you spent together may come flooding into your mind, you may remember some of the sweet things your ex said to you, and you may recall times you laughed together, and all these memories may make you miss your ex- husband or ex- wife.
However, you must resolve to keep on living. That will enable you to move on with your life.
One way to do that is to make positive affirmations such as these to yourself when you reminisce about the happy times you experienced in your marriage, “I will not let the divorce dominate me. I resolve to keep on living. I must enjoy life. I must live a fulfilled life and I can’t do that if I am mourning over this loss. I choose to move on!”
By saying words such as these, you will strengthen and stimulate your emotions positively and put yourself in a positive frame of mind, and that will make you more willing to move on.
Accept That You Are No Longer Married to Your Spouse
You may find it hard to believe that you will no longer wake up to see the man or woman who promised to love you till death parted you sleeping by your side, when you wake up in the morning. It may take some time for you to readjust to your new situation and to accept that you are no longer in a relationship with your ex.
However, if you want to move on in the shortest possible time, you must accept that you are divorced. To help you do that, say something such as this to yourself every morning when you wake up, “I really loved Isaac and I wished the marriage had worked out. But, I accept that the marriage is over. My life will not come to a standstill because of this. I must move on! I will move on with my life! I must create happy days for myself and for my future, by forgetting about the past.”
Release Your Regret
You may have regrets about the way the marriage turned out. Possibly, you may deeply regret hurting your husband or wife because it was that hurt which culminated in the divorce, you may regret that you did not give your spouse enough attention, or you may regret that you said things or did things that undermined your marriage.
However, to help you heal your emotional wounds so that you can cope with the divorce, choose not to focus your attention on your regrets. Doing that will make you continue to feel bad about yourself and that is not good for your mental health.
- compile a list of the major mistakes you made when you were with your ex;
- then, write down ways in which you could have acted differently to avoid those mistakes; and
- Then, jot down lessons you have learned from this experience.
Keep this record with you and read it every day so that you can remind yourself about how you can improve your character and so that you can position yourself to become a better lover, if you desire to marry again.
Exercise Every Day
A divorce can leave you feeling depressed, especially if you loved your spouse deeply or if you were very attached to your spouse.
To deal with the depression that you may experience, engage in exercises often. Research shows that this strategy can help you to handle the stress associated with such a situation better. Additionally, exercising will help you to be upbeat about life.
Therefore, jog for about thirty minutes early in the morning before you go to work. Furthermore, during your lunch break, instead of driving to a restaurant or cafeteria, walk briskly to the location where you will eat. Then, on weekends, go swimming for about thirty minutes or an hour.
Research has shown that gardening can help to lift people’s moods when they are going through trying times.
When you decide to take to gardening during this period of sorrow and pain, it will help you to feel positive about yourself and about life, and that will make you more willing to live to your full potential in life.
So, get a plot of land and plant flowers, fruits, and vegetables. Beans, carrots, egg plants are easy to grow and you may consider growing them.
Alternatively, you may choose to grow tomatoes or carnations in pots at home.
In addition to improving your mood, doing gardening will provide you with food which will help you to cut down on the amount of money you spend on food.
Listen to Inspirational Music
Music can affect the mood positively—it can help you to deal with the stress and pain of the divorce better.
So, listen to instrumental versions of your favorite gospel songs regularly, and in every place you find yourself—play it in your car as you drive to work and as you drive back home, listen to it during the lunch break, and end the day with some soothing, cool gospel music just before you sleep.
The tempo of the instrumentation will help you to calm down and the inspirational lyrics will give you hope that all is not lost. Consequently, you will feel inspired to persevere in life.
Share Your Hurts and Pain With Friends as Well as Kith and Kin
Harboring negative feelings will let them poison your mind and, as a result, you may encourage negative emotions such as bitterness and thoughts of revenge.
On the other hand, putting the experiences you have gone through, and the feelings you are experiencing into words and saying them to other people will help you to come to terms with how you are feeling better.
Additionally, you will understand your experience better and, as a result, you will be able to deal with your feelings better.
Therefore, talk to patient friends or family members who have also been divorce before and who are doing well and handling the situation effectively, and who you know will listen to your lamentations patiently and sympathetically.
Taking this action will bring you some emotional and psychological relief. Furthermore, because the person you talk to has effectively dealt with this kind of situation before, he or she may be able to give you strategies and tips on how you can cope with the divorce effectively.
Subsequently, when you remember that this person you have talked to has gone through what you are going through and has survived and is thriving after his or her ordeal, you will be strengthened and that is likely to make you desire to live on.
Socialize a Lot
Avoid being alone for long periods during this time because that can make you recall moments from your marriage often. Consequently you may worry and fret a lot.
Research shows that social support can help people to be more resilient when they are going through difficult circumstances—social support can help you to deal with the stressful situation better.
Therefore, seek the help of friends and family at this time. Visit them often and encourage them to visit you too.
Additionally, go for parties and buffet dinners, go for meetings of your former school’s Old Students’ Association, attend basketball or American football games, attend church meetings, and visit orphans and widows so that you can keep yourself mentally occupied so that you will not think about the divorce.
Go to Church Often
Research shows that when a person goes to church often, positive emotions can be stimulated in the person. When positive emotions rise up in your body, it will drive away the depression and sadness which may want to attack you because of the divorce.
Additionally, feeling positive about life will help you to continue to be productive at work.
Therefore, resolve not to miss any Sunday morning or Wednesday evening church services. Furthermore, when you go to church, sing along when it is time for praises and worship, and dance to the music that will be played and it will make you feel happy.
Dancing will help you to throw away some of the sadness and pain of the divorce. As a result, you will feel happy about yourself and that can help you to move on with your life.
So, play your favorite songs which have quick tempos and dance to them in your bedroom. Let your whole mind, body, and soul participate in the dancing so that you will finish that activity with joy in your heart.
Alternatively, when you go for the parties of your friends, grab the hand of a friend and dance with him or her. Laugh as you dance and enjoy yourself so that you can heal emotionally.
Praying can help you to deal with the stress that will accompany the divorce. So, reverently intone prayers in the morning and evening of every day.
You may intone a prayer such as, “Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your mercies and grace which have sustained me through life up till today. I thank You for giving me the opportunity to marry Isaac, and for the happy times we shared when we were married. Unfortunately, Lord, the marriage did not work out. Father, please give me the strength I need to survive this tragedy. Please bind up my broken heart and heal the wounds in my heart. Fill me with joy, O Lord, so that I will be happy about life, and so that I may see that there is a lot to still live for. Please help me to get rid of all the bitterness in my heart. Lord, help me to move on so that I can be strong to support the children. Amen.”
To focus on the family and cope with a divorce, adopt a positive mentality, choose to let go of the past, keep yourself active every day, seek the help and support of loved ones, and look to the God of comfort for comfort and support.
Additionally, learn how you can deal with a divorce.
Doing these things will help you to sail though the storm so that you can find happy days again.
Focus on the Family: Divorce
Do you know how to dance?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio