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Four Steps to Follow After a Breakup

Updated on November 23, 2017
Nitika Mehra profile image

Nitika is a psychologist and has been working with an NGO, a school and two online counseling platforms.

Why these steps?

When we undergo a breakup, it's overwhelming to face the separation of our loved one. Even if it ends on bad terms, it leaves us with a confused mindset involving both love and hatred. In this article, I have tried to explain steps which will simplify this process. Whether you wish you go back to the relationship or part ways forever, you can follow these steps!

"Relationships irrespective of their quality, should be handled with sensitivity."

1.The first step, No Contact Rule.

Yes, you need to do it. This will help both of you to allow yourself some time for self-introspection. In this period you will examine your mistakes and what exactly went wrong in the relationship. Another important point to follow is that during this time, you should not beg or plead to the other person to come back. Please stop if you are doing this, because if they are already annoyed with the situation, they would not like more guilt by watching you beg. You should ideally extend this no contact period for at least a month. In case, your partner calls then that's not applicable. You can solve things then and there if this happens.

2.Take Care of Yourself

Not eating and getting less sleep might increase your stress levels more than what you are experiencing due to the breakup. Even if you don't feel like eating, try to set up a good ambience in your room, pamper yourself, have scented baths and eat small servings frequently.

Realise the fact that taking proper care of self won't prevent anything positive from happening. Instead, better things will come very soon. Become the person who was lovable and happy back again.

"The most difficult stage of breakup is acceptance of the same."

3. Handling Acceptance

This is indeed the most overwhelming stage because here we realise that things aren't just limited to a fight. We have parted ways really! You might feel like reaching out to them and telling them to come back. Or abusing them for hurting you or leaving you. But you have to control your emotions for a while, because when acceptance takes over, you will experience a sense of calm returning to your mind and soul.

4. Closure

When you have realised that your emotions are stable now, and you have accepted the breakup. You might still feel some unresolved feelings or the need to apologise for your mistakes when the person is gone. Meeting them once for a closure of the break-up is considered healthy at this stage. Because all relationships and individuals ought to be respected. Just arrange a casual date, if the other individual is ready to do so, and learn from the conversation as well. Maybe you will get to identify certain improvements in yourself or your relationship patterns. Communication is the key!

Have you experienced a traumatic break-up?

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© 2017 Nitika Mehra


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    • Nitika Mehra profile imageAUTHOR

      Nitika Mehra 

      11 months ago from Delhi

      Thank you so much

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      11 months ago

      Sound advice.

      Although I personally believe "closure" is overrated.

      Whatever your (ex) thought was "wrong" with you or you thought was wrong with your ex might be the very same thing that causes another person to fall madly in love with them or you!

      There are three basic reasons why people breakup

      1. They chose the wrong mate. (They're too incompatible)

      2. A "deal breaker" was committed in the eyes of another.

      3. They fell out of love/stopped wanting the same things.

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      If being yourself means you're not right for someone it also means (they) are not "right" for you. Everyone wants to be loved for who (they) are. If you/them has to "change" you're not right for one another.

      In order for him/her to be "the one" they would have to see (you) as being "the one"! At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa)

      Every ending is a new beginning!


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