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Getting Involved in a Relationship

Updated on October 18, 2015

Getting Involved

Getting involved in a good relationship

A man meets a woman with all the peripheral endowments he admires in a woman, it’s like wow! that’s my ideal woman. And a woman meets a man that fits into her script of what she wants in a man, she is excited to meet Mr. Perfect. Love is what happens, they fall in love and get involved.

However, with the passing of mouths, the man discovers the woman is not what she appeared to be or the woman discovers the man is not as Perfect as she thought him to be, what happens is separation or divorce, with much bitterness, anger and hurt.

This scenario of ‘fall in love in haste and repent at leisure’, is an everyday reality, it is the reason why divorce is on the increase daily, it is the reason many have sworn off relationship and it is the reason many are going about with hurt and emotional baggage.

5 GOOD WAYS TO GET INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP

SELF-CONFIDENCE:

Before you set out to get involved, learn to develop self-confidence in whom and what you are. The way to go about it is to take the SELF DEFINITION TEST. If you know yourself, you will be able to know the kind of partner that is in tune with your inner projection, temperament and parameter.

So, if you are choosing, choose carefully your type and if you are accepting, be cautious enough to accept your type. Don’t choose or accept someone with the intention to remodel the person or change them to the person you want, you will be disappointed; grown adults don’t often change. In some cases, some will change to humour you at the beginning, but the moment you’re deeply involved in the relationship, they will discard the false coating and be who they are.

APPLY DISCRETION:

It is wise for the chooser and accepter to be discrete in making their selection; they should take time to access people and situation with discernment, because out there in the sea of humanity, there is an abundance of seemingly good catches but in close inspection they are anything but good.

You have to spread your sensory radar high in order to be able to distinguish between genuine jewels and worthless stones.

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

Be reasonable in the assessment of who you want to choose or accept. Don’t go on a goose chase by looking for the perfect partner, choose or accept someone whose flaw you can tolerate. It takes time to know, in order words, you need time to get to know the person well enough to say yes or I do.

WAIT FOR THE RIGHT PERSON

Don’t allow loneliness tempt you into accepting a person you know is not right for you. That is, don’t settle for who is available, wait for who is good enough for you. You should have the power to say no to who you don’t want, if not, you will get involved in a relation that will drain your energy, time and emotional resources.

Lao Russell in her book Love, points out that “when our hearts long for romance, we settle for any person rather than wait for the right person.”

Don’t get involved because you want romance, you want to belong or you just want someone, anyone in your life.

RIGHT IMPRESSION

There is always this believe that first impression matters a lot, of course it does, but it depends on the kind of impression you are presenting first. People think so much about first impression that they front the wrong impression of themselves at the beginning of a relationship, but they forgot one thing; first impression may attract but with time it wears out to reveal the real you.

It is always a shattering experience when you realise the person you love and care for turns out to be a different person from what they presented at the onset of the relationship. Nobody changes their basic characters permanently, but they can change it long enough to woo and win others.

The emphasis should be on right impression, let your first impression be the right impression. The impression you present will make your potential partner to either accept or reject you. The only way to create the right impression is by being yourself at the nurturing stage of the relationship, this gives the other person the choice to make up their mind to choose/accept or reject you.

Rusty Rothman, a relationship writer, says to women; “What you want to advertise to the world is yourself and your genuine self, at ease in your own skin. If you convey an aura of liking men and yourself and if you are open to experience, people will respond to that and you will attract some nice men.”

Don’t alter your personality in order to attract a partner, what keeps a relationship going is not the first impression but your true personality because that is what will remain when the first impression wears off. If you give the wrong impression and your partner later discovers the real you different from their expectation, then you have created a breeding ground for resentment and distrust to flourish.

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    • Ngozi Ebubedike profile image
      Author

      Ngozi Ebubedike Ahumibe 2 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      That's right, youths in that age are in a state of love-perimentation and sex-perimentation.(they are experimenting what love and sex is all about).

      However, it should be a period of learning as well, a period of self development, a period of building self-esteem for their future.

      And yes, the ladies, it is a wishful thinking to assume their youthful boyfriends are taking them serious. when a guy say 'I love you' to a girl, he only meant he like her and want to be friend with her, no strings attache. he has to use the word 'LOVE' to attract her first, not that he is expressing love as in real love.

      Getting involved in a relationship is not for the youth or youthful at heart, a meaningful and constructive relationship demands maturity and a strong heart.

    • Ngozi Ebubedike profile image
      Author

      Ngozi Ebubedike Ahumibe 2 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      That's right, youths in that age are in a state of love-perimentation and sex-perimentation.(they are experimenting what love and sex is all about).

      However, it should be a period of learning as well, a period of self development, a period of building self-esteem for their future.

      And yes, the ladies, it is a wishful thinking to assume their youthful boyfriends are taking them serious. when a guy say 'I love you' to a girl, he only meant he like her and want to be friend with her, no strings attache. he has to use the word 'LOVE' to attract her first, not that he is expressing love as in real love.

      Getting involved in a relationship is not for the youth or youthful at heart, a meaningful and constructive relationship demands maturity and a strong heart.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Some very sound advice here!

      Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Rarely does someone hit a homerun their first time up to bat. In fact most of us fall "in love" before we're mature enough to know what "real love" should look and feel like for (ourselves).

      This can only happen after one has done some serious introspective thinking to figure out who (they) are and what they want/need. Otherwise it's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If someone is having one bad relationship after another it's probably time they re-examine (their) "mate selection criteria".

      The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).

      As you noted having (realistic expectations) is very important.

      Unfortunately when we're young we allow our hormones, "impulsive connections", and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices.

      The "infatuation phase" of perfection is the start of all relationships! However in our immature youth we mistake those first 3-6 months as being the way things will (always) be. We overly emotionally invest ourselves before either of us has revealed our "authentic selves".

      One final thought is (women) have to undo the seeds of expecting (young) men to be knights in shinning armor or prince charming.

      The average guy in his late teens and 20s is not looking to "settle down". The last thing on their mind is getting married, signing a 30 year mortgage, and raising children. That's like watching their life flash before their eyes! They're not in a hurry to become their parents!

      Those guys want to play video games, watch sports, party with friends, and get laid. And yet so many young ladies invest their teenage and 20 something year old heart into guys in this age range. They have unrealistic expectations for their age group. Most guys aren't looking to get "serious" until they get close to 30 or a little after. You'd do better to date for fun, focus on education and career in your youth. Expecting to find your "soul-mate" in your teens and early 20s is unrealistic. One man's opinion!:)