Getting Involved in a Relationship

A man meets a woman with all the peripheral endowments he admires in a woman, it’s like wow! that’s my ideal woman. And a woman meets a man that fits into her script of what she wants in a man, she is excited to meet Mr. Perfect. Love is what happens, they fall in love and get involved.

However, with the passing of mouths, the man discovers the woman is not what she appeared to be or the woman discovers the man is not as Perfect as she thought him to be, what happens is separation or divorce, with much bitterness, anger and hurt.

This scenario of ‘fall in love in haste and repent at leisure’, is an everyday reality, it is the reason why divorce is on the increase daily, it is the reason many have sworn off relationship and it is the reason many are going about with hurt and emotional baggage.

5 GOOD WAYS TO GET INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP

SELF-CONFIDENCE:

Before you set out to get involved, learn to develop self-confidence in whom and what you are. The way to go about it is to take the SELF DEFINITION TEST. If you know yourself, you will be able to know the kind of partner that is in tune with your inner projection, temperament and parameter.

So, if you are choosing, choose carefully your type and if you are accepting, be cautious enough to accept your type. Don’t choose or accept someone with the intention to remodel the person or change them to the person you want, you will be disappointed; grown adults don’t often change. In some cases, some will change to humour you at the beginning, but the moment you’re deeply involved in the relationship, they will discard the false coating and be who they are.

APPLY DISCRETION:

It is wise for the chooser and accepter to be discrete in making their selection; they should take time to access people and situation with discernment, because out there in the sea of humanity, there is an abundance of seemingly good catches but in close inspection they are anything but good.

You have to spread your sensory radar high in order to be able to distinguish between genuine jewels and worthless stones.

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

Be reasonable in the assessment of who you want to choose or accept. Don’t go on a goose chase by looking for the perfect partner, choose or accept someone whose flaw you can tolerate. It takes time to know, in order words, you need time to get to know the person well enough to say yes or I do.

WAIT FOR THE RIGHT PERSON

Don’t allow loneliness tempt you into accepting a person you know is not right for you. That is, don’t settle for who is available, wait for who is good enough for you. You should have the power to say no to who you don’t want, if not, you will get involved in a relation that will drain your energy, time and emotional resources.

Lao Russell in her book Love, points out that “when our hearts long for romance, we settle for any person rather than wait for the right person.”

Don’t get involved because you want romance, you want to belong or you just want someone, anyone in your life.

RIGHT IMPRESSION

There is always this believe that first impression matters a lot, of course it does, but it depends on the kind of impression you are presenting first. People think so much about first impression that they front the wrong impression of themselves at the beginning of a relationship, but they forgot one thing; first impression may attract but with time it wears out to reveal the real you.

It is always a shattering experience when you realise the person you love and care for turns out to be a different person from what they presented at the onset of the relationship. Nobody changes their basic characters permanently, but they can change it long enough to woo and win others.

The emphasis should be on right impression, let your first impression be the right impression. The impression you present will make your potential partner to either accept or reject you. The only way to create the right impression is by being yourself at the nurturing stage of the relationship, this gives the other person the choice to make up their mind to choose/accept or reject you.

Rusty Rothman, a relationship writer, says to women; “What you want to advertise to the world is yourself and your genuine self, at ease in your own skin. If you convey an aura of liking men and yourself and if you are open to experience, people will respond to that and you will attract some nice men.”

Don’t alter your personality in order to attract a partner, what keeps a relationship going is not the first impression but your true personality because that is what will remain when the first impression wears off. If you give the wrong impression and your partner later discovers the real you different from their expectation, then you have created a breeding ground for resentment and distrust to flourish.