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Self definition in relationship

Updated on October 15, 2015

self definition

Self definition in Relationship

Self definition is defining who you are, knowing your purpose, what moves you, what propels you forward and what you want out of life. What you want from life determines what you want to get out of a relationship and your motive for going into a relationship

Your relationship is what you make of it and how you run your relationship, depends on your internal projections about yourself. How you think and reason affect your perception of things and issues around you.

How do you perceive yourself? Intelligent or brilliant, beautiful/ handsome or ugly, serious or unserious, friendly or unfriendly, outspoken or shy, determined, strong-willed or weak? And what is the level of your self esteem?

These are some of the parameters to use in self definition; you really have to understand who you are, to be able to understand your partner. If you doubt your competency in any aspect of your life, your doubt will rob off on your partner and he/she will consider you incompetent in that area, it is what you carry that you reflect and what you reflect is what your partner will perceive.

There are three steps towards self definition in a relationship.

1. Accept.

You are unique in composition and make up, don’t always compare yourself with your peers. However, accept what you are, no self-denial; know your limitations and weaknesses, accept them but don’t celebrate them, rather, focus on your abilities.

Let your partner always see the good side and the bad side of you, when you do that, your partner will rarely have any bias against you because you are comfortable enough to present the totality of who you are to the person.

2. Appreciate.

You really have to appreciate your appeal, those things that make up the totality of you, if you don’t appreciate yourself, nobody will. Self appreciation boost your self-esteem, it is you that will determine your self- worth in the eyes of your partner and others around you. You see, if you see yourself as a princess and carry yourself royally, you will be regarded as a princess; no doubt you will be treated with royalty. It doesn’t matter where you come from; the value you place on yourself is how people will rate you.

3. Acknowledge.

Acknowledge how you are, believe in what you are and your partner will give you the same accord. Acknowledge what you want in your life and your relationship that is according to your inner projection.

Acknowledge your physical desirability and emotional maturity. When you acknowledge yourself you create equilibrium in your life and relationship. Balance in a relationship comes from knowledge.


Can you honestly and sincerely analysis the person you are?

Can you truthfully say you know yourself in all ramifications?

Do you totally accept the person you are?

Are you comfortable with yourself?

Are you proud of whom you are physically, mentally and emotionally?

Self definition helps you to change that which you could about yourself and to accept that which is not in your power to change.


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    • Ngozi Ebubedike profile imageAUTHOR

      Ngozi Ebubedike Ahumibe 

      3 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      You're on point dashingscorpio, women mostly have the issue of self definition, if they don't have self esteem or worth they tend to allow the men push them around.

      However, in some case guys too need self definition and parameters, because at times they allow peripheral attributes and endowments sway them into making wrong choices.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      I don't think people have to worry about defining themselves in relationships if they already have defined themselves in life.

      Generally speaking it is usually (women) who are concerned about losing themselves in relationships. I suspect it is because many of them have fantasized about being in a serious relationship or marriage since they were girls reading books about prince charming and knights in shinning armor.

      Most boys on the other hand used their youth to explore independence and competing with one another. Being in a relationship or getting married was never a "goal" they were a "given". Therefore it was never a priority.

      In fact one of main differences between the genders has to do with timing. Most guys don't start seriously considering getting married until after age 30. Naturally this means there is likely to be a bunch of heartbreak and disappointment for girls who wanted to marry a guy their own age but while they were in their 20s. Timing is a big issue!

      The number one cause for divorce in my opinion is (choosing) the "wrong mate" for oneself! This happens when one has not done the serious introspective thinking to figure out who they are, what they want and need in a mate BEFORE pursuing a relationship.

      They allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices. That's the equivalent going shopping without a list!

      Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If someone finds they are having one bad relationship experience after another it's probably time they re-examined their "mate selection" criteria. The only thing all of your past relationships have in common is (you).

      Know yourself, Love yourself, and Trust yourself!


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