- Gender and Relationships
Getting To Know Verbal and Mental Abuse
It's Not Your Fault
This is the dreaded talk of abuse. It’s an important conversation. I would like to bring awareness to others who have been through or are going through it, and tell them you are not alone. I feel it’s necessary to get out of that situation if you are going through that type of relationship. I’m not saying the person that’s doing the abuse can’t change, but in my experience, they haven’t, they never feel they do anything wrong, and that presents a problem with getting help.
I mainly wanted to talk on verbal abuse. I know that there are different types of abuse, and one is just as bad as the other. Myself though, I have been a victim of verbal and mental the most.
I don’t know how I came to pick the men who did this to me, but it has happened more than once with the men in my life. The most important thing I think I would like to stress to someone who may be reading this and going through any type of abuse is; it’s not your fault, but it is your fault if you continue to stay and be abused. And yes, I certainly know the pull of love; it's hard to let go. You say; Well, but I knew him when, and he used to not be like this, or he can be so sweet. I like to think everybody has their good and nice side too, and lord knows I have held on to that hope in my situation as well.
I also just want to say; ask yourself is this the way you want to live, because I know you are miserable. It's not a fair situation, and it is a dangerous situation as well. You don’t have to stop loving that person. However, what I have realized is that by saving yourself and leaving, that may just be what the abusive person needs in order to look at themselves in the mirror and finally get help. By doing this, you are expressing love, even though you may not feel like it when you are closing the door.
So, let’s talk about the verbal abuse. If someone is continuing to call you names and putting you down to the point that you just feel defeated and exhausted from it; guess what…that is verbal abuse. And take it from me, if you continue to stay, when you finally can’t take anymore, and you leave, your self esteem is so damaged it takes a while to restore it, and sometimes you can’t. To this day, I still struggle with issues of liking myself. I have overcome most of the obstacles, and I do like myself most days, but I do believe I would have never had a big struggle if I had just left and got out of the situation a little sooner.
I want to make aware of some statistics and some signs of abuse in this hub. And really, I do not think this is a necessary part of you identifying abuse. If you are an adult, you know when you are being abused. However, if you are an adolescent girl or guy; yes, guys get abused too. If you are a young girl or guy, and you think they are just jealous, well, they’re not. So the statistics and signs might wake you up to reality. I was teenager once, it’s harder to determine if we are being loved or abused at a young age.
I really hope this will be seen by someone who needs it, and I hope you take care of yourselves…
Common signs of an abusive relationship
- Prevents contact and communication with friends and family
- Controls money and important identification, such as driver’s licenses and passports
- Causes embarrassment with bad names and put-downs
- Critical about survivors appearance and/or behavior
- Attempts to control what partner wears
- Has unrealistic expectations, like partner being available at all times
- Threatens to take away or hurt the children
- Acts like abuse is not a big deal, or denies it’s happening
- Plays mind games to place blame on the survivor
- Destroys property or threatens to kill pets
- Intimidates with guns, knives or other weapons
- Shoves, slaps, chokes, hits or forces sexual acts
- Threatens to commit suicide
Often, it can be difficult to identify what types of abuse are and what constitutes each type of abuse. These are some telltale signs of physical, sexual, emotional, economic and psychological abuse:
- Physical. any use of force that causes pain or injury such as, hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc.. This type of abuse also includes the use of weapons, denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.
- Sexual. Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.
- Emotional. Any pattern of behavior that causes emotional pain that can include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, being unfaithful, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children. Perpetrators may also be emotionally neglectful, such as not expressing feelings or respecting the survivor’s feelings and opinions.
- Economic. Making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment. Forcing a survivor to use his or her credit to rack up debt is also very common and can present problems in the future when attempting to obtain credit.
- Psychological. Elements include—but are not limited to—causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Domestic Violence Statistics
- According to the FBI, a woman is battered every 15 seconds.
- Louisiana ranks 2nd in the nation for homicides related to domestic abuse.
- 2-4 million American women are abused each year.
- White, Black, Hispanic & Non-Hispanic women have equivalent rates of violence committed by intimate partners.
- Nearly 1/2 of men who abuse their female partners, also abuse their children.
- Up to 50% of homeless women and children in this country are fleeing domestic violence.
- Studies show that women face the greatest risk of assault when they leave or threaten to leave their partners, or report the abuse to authorities.
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
Do you feel like a man when you push her around...
Take me away...
Living A Lie
© 2015 Missy Smith
In the dark of my
room at night, I lay
Staring at the ceiling,
I am so tired I have
no feeling. I remain
numb to today’s
I prayed it wouldn’t
be, but it was, a display
of lashes from a tyrant’s
No emotion does he
have; no care for my
tears. I am sad…
then it’s all different
when morning comes,
he has completely swept
his betrayal under the
Even so, I am still here
with the scars from those
angry words that sting
like my flesh has been
ripped from a barbed-wire
He swears he will make
me laugh today, he says
he can make me forget
And he says he loves me
with that smile that makes
me his all the while…
I know one unplanned word
from my lips could return
me back into his verbal bitch...
Yet, I’ll wake up another day
hoping he gets help so I can
Although, I know deep in
my stomach's pit that I will
be battered until I, myself,
Love is pain this way. I just
want it to all go away…