ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Give Your Marriage a Shot in the Arm

Updated on July 8, 2017
Source

Speak the Language

Every marriage goes through periodic changes as the years go by. The partners grow as individuals, and in turn, their relationship with each other must necessarily grow and change. Since I walked down the aisle at age 20, an event 30+ years in my past, I would hope that I have grown substantially in terms of the ways in which I view myself and others as well as how I communicate. But a life-altering event in 2008 caused me to second-guess just how much further I needed to grow emotionally and how much work I needed to do in my own marriage.

Fall of 2008 brought the news that the US Army wanted to send me to Iraq for a 3-month tour. At that point, I already noted emotional distance from my spouse, and I worried that the physical distance would exacerbate our fragile marriage. I could not have been more wrong.

While in Iraq, my husband began sending me poetry, love letters and thoughtful gifts to the degree that my colleagues serving in the same unit noticed the volume of packages addressed to me. Each time I opened a card, letter or box, I felt a renewed sense of love for the man I was otherwise taking for granted while sitting comfortably at home in the US. He was speaking my language...my love language.

I had never heard the phrase "love languages" or read any books about marital issues prior to my Iraq adventure, but a friend introduced me to the series of books by the well-known author, Gary Chapman. His simple, reproducible approach to improving communication between couples appealed to me, and I immediately applied those principles to my own life with remarkable results.

There is no doubt that marriages that last for decades are fraught with ups and downs over the years. It's a work in progress with compromise from both parties. Communication is the key issue, and couples need to find and exploit their unique love languages in an effort to maintain a long, healthy relationship.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Drjacki profile imageAUTHOR

      Drjacki 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      To Joan: you are SO right. I think you could probably generate a really good Hub out of those thoughts! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am going to be separated for 3 more months very soon, and my spouse is already collecting boxes to send with little surprises...I hope! He is a hopeless (or he would say "hopeful") romantic, and I am probably more like a stick in the mud...but it works.

    • profile image

      Joan Whetzel 

      7 years ago

      You spoke about being worried about separation due to your service in Irage adding to problems in the marriage. Through the 30+ years of my own marriage, my husband has taken the occasional business trip (a few days to 2 weeks). THe first one or two bothered me - I didn't like being left alone. But, upon the advice of a friend, I began using the time to take care of myself (bubble baths and the like) and to do things that I enjoyed but he hated. When he came home, I was refreshed and ready to come back together. Because I spend so much time caring for my husband and kids (and now grand kids), the time I took to take care of myself made the reunion sweeter. These themporary eparations don't need to be harmful to your marriage. THey give you both timet to do things for yourself and learn to be grateful for the good things the other person adds to your life.

    • Drjacki profile imageAUTHOR

      Drjacki 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      Thank you, Ardie, for your comments - I get to experience the whole going-away thing again this year but only as far as Kuwait...not so bad because we will have internet/Skype, and we can have real-time video access to each other that way. It's not perfect, but it beats snail mail/email and taped videos!

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 

      7 years ago from Neverland

      Aaw, your writing really touched me! At the beginning I was sad for you leaving a fragile marriage and putting your life on the line. Then in the middle I was thrilled for you that your husband was being so supportive and kind. By the end I was wondering if I could fix the communication gap in my own marriage. Only very strong writing can elicit so many emotions with just a few paragraphs. You are one to be followed :)

    • Drjacki profile imageAUTHOR

      Drjacki 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      @StayPos, thank you so much for your kind comments and additional info on this subject...and your Hubpages "name" says it all!

    • StayPos profile image

      StayPos 

      7 years ago from Florida, USA

      Dr.Jacki,

      Great Hub! Thanks for sharing some keys for making marriage magnificent! You're so right about how tuning in to your spouses love language makes such a huge difference :-)

      In addition to the excellent book by Gary Chapman another great reference along these lines of husband and wives speaking each others best " language " is Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

      Thanks for your service to our country and welcome to Hubpages!

      Voted Up and Awesome!

    • Emma Harvey profile image

      Emma Kisby 

      7 years ago from Berkshire, UK

      I have never heard of Love Languages but it makes sense. I think that it is so important to remember why you love each other, and if you can spend quality time together, you should make the effort to do this. when you are apart, it is nice to do important things like send letters, etc. So many couples take each other for granted or let every day stress get in the way of their relationship. Life does get hard, but it is important to remember what means the most to you.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)