ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

What to do Before Things Get Heated-Relationship Advice

Updated on March 1, 2018

Stop Before Tempers Flare

When a couple has a disagreement about a situation and one is disagreeing with the other, things can get to the point where a huge argument can occur. Voices start escalating and screaming may start. One thing leads to another and feelings get hurt. One person may start bringing up past arguments that never got resolved, then the tempers flare and the fighting begins.

Hurtful things sometimes are said in the heat of the moment to each other which can never be taken back. Once something is said, your partner will more than likely remember it. This is why sometimes it is better to back away from confrontation to give both people a chance to get their thoughts together before blurting out something that will later be regretted.

If this happens time and time again it can lead to a deteriorating marriage and or relationship. The things that you have said in the past will just keep resurfacing time and time again.


How To Avoid Full Blown Fights

I am not an expert at all, but this is from my own personal experience of a 25-year marriage, and I find that it has saved many disagreements that could have turned into full-blown fights.

When you are discussing something and you can feel an argument about to happen walk away. Go into another room, go for a walk, just avoid the argument altogether. This may seem silly to many people but just keep reading.

You want to get your point across to the other person but if it is going to cause an argument, is it really worth it? My husband and I rarely fight .... we avoid each other. Sometimes this will last for a few days if one of us has done or said something to really anger the other. By the time we have both calmed down and have had time to think about what we initially were about to argue or fight over, we are able to sit down and discuss it rationally without tempers flaring.

Ground Rules

In order for this to work the couple has to agree that this is the way in which they will both handle an argumentative situation. This way neither person will feel that the other person is showing an attitude of not caring.

How To Let Off Some Steam

If you feel that you really need to blow off steam write a letter to your partner. Get everything that is on your mind onto a piece of paper or type it out. Don’t actually give it to them though. Write it, read it and let it sit until the next day and then read it again. Chances are you will tear it up and throw it away. I find doing this very therapeutic.

On the other hand, I am sure that there are people that like to argue and maybe some couples actually thrive on it. I try to see both sides of every situation. Guess that is why I am a Libra.

I asked the following questions on the Forums here at HubPages:

  1. When you argue or have a disagreement with your partner how does it get settled?
  2. Do you yell and scream at each other or do you calmly discuss whatever it is you are fighting about?

Here Are The Answers I Received Back

From Seeker7

I sometimes shout when I'm angry but more often than not I am more silly than that and go very, very quiet. Nothing is discussed at this time because I don't say anything - I'm just too mad to speak. Eventually, I do try and see the issue from another point of view and compromise whenever I can.

From laidbacklady

It seems that with us, it never really does get settled until a long while later, sometimes months, sometimes even never. I am the less argumentative of us and I will usually try and walk away, and he won't let me. He has to keep at me and keep it going, all the while not really wanting to hear what I have to say--you know what I mean--you turn to speak and they cut you off mid-sentence and go off on another rant. Finally, I will do or say something to make him feel like a jerk, or more like just make him realize how close he's pushed me to the edge and then he'll back off for awhile.

Communication is our one big problem. I would like to have a calm discourse about the issues, he wants to place blame and sling mud. Folks, without clear and honest communication, and without both parties being allowed to voice their side of the issue, there can be no compromise and no solution.

From Jonesyo311

We both eventually realize that what we are arguing about has no effect on tomorrow. She usually laughs at me and we move on.

From BenjaminB

Pistols at 20 paces, if we both miss we stay together :)

Please Leave Comments Below

If you wish to share how you handle arguments or fighting with your partner please leave your comments in the box below. Thank you for reading this hub and if you liked it or didn't like it please let me know.

© 2011 Susan Zutautas


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)