- Gender and Relationships»
What to do Before Things Get Heated-Relationship Advice
Stop Before Tempers Flare
When a couple has a disagreement about a situation and one is disagreeing with the other, things can get to the point where a huge argument can occur. Voices start escalating and screaming may start. One thing leads to another and feelings get hurt. One person may start bringing up past arguments that never got resolved, then the tempers flare and the fighting begins.
Hurtful things sometimes are said in the heat of the moment to each other which can never be taken back. Once something is said, your partner will more than likely remember it. This is why sometimes it is better to back away from confrontation to give both people a chance to get their thoughts together before blurting out something that will later be regretted.
If this happens time and time again it can lead to a deteriorating marriage and or relationship. The things that you have said in the past will just keep resurfacing time and time again.
How To Avoid Full Blown Fights
I am not an expert at all, but this is from my own personal experience of a 25-year marriage, and I find that it has saved many disagreements that could have turned into full-blown fights.
When you are discussing something and you can feel an argument about to happen walk away. Go into another room, go for a walk, just avoid the argument altogether. This may seem silly to many people but just keep reading.
You want to get your point across to the other person but if it is going to cause an argument, is it really worth it? My husband and I rarely fight .... we avoid each other. Sometimes this will last for a few days if one of us has done or said something to really anger the other. By the time we have both calmed down and have had time to think about what we initially were about to argue or fight over, we are able to sit down and discuss it rationally without tempers flaring.
In order for this to work the couple has to agree that this is the way in which they will both handle an argumentative situation. This way neither person will feel that the other person is showing an attitude of not caring.
How To Let Off Some Steam
If you feel that you really need to blow off steam write a letter to your partner. Get everything that is on your mind onto a piece of paper or type it out. Don’t actually give it to them though. Write it, read it and let it sit until the next day and then read it again. Chances are you will tear it up and throw it away. I find doing this very therapeutic.
On the other hand, I am sure that there are people that like to argue and maybe some couples actually thrive on it. I try to see both sides of every situation. Guess that is why I am a Libra.
I asked the following questions on the Forums here at HubPages:
- When you argue or have a disagreement with your partner how does it get settled?
- Do you yell and scream at each other or do you calmly discuss whatever it is you are fighting about?
Here Are The Answers I Received Back
I sometimes shout when I'm angry but more often than not I am more silly than that and go very, very quiet. Nothing is discussed at this time because I don't say anything - I'm just too mad to speak. Eventually, I do try and see the issue from another point of view and compromise whenever I can.
It seems that with us, it never really does get settled until a long while later, sometimes months, sometimes even never. I am the less argumentative of us and I will usually try and walk away, and he won't let me. He has to keep at me and keep it going, all the while not really wanting to hear what I have to say--you know what I mean--you turn to speak and they cut you off mid-sentence and go off on another rant. Finally, I will do or say something to make him feel like a jerk, or more like just make him realize how close he's pushed me to the edge and then he'll back off for awhile.
Communication is our one big problem. I would like to have a calm discourse about the issues, he wants to place blame and sling mud. Folks, without clear and honest communication, and without both parties being allowed to voice their side of the issue, there can be no compromise and no solution.
We both eventually realize that what we are arguing about has no effect on tomorrow. She usually laughs at me and we move on.
Pistols at 20 paces, if we both miss we stay together :)
Please Leave Comments Below
If you wish to share how you handle arguments or fighting with your partner please leave your comments in the box below. Thank you for reading this hub and if you liked it or didn't like it please let me know.
© 2011 Susan Zutautas