Haneef R. Jordan ~ Life After Infidelity
I wanted to do this article so that we can become more aware of our responsibility when we say I DO."— Haneef Jordan
Haneef Jordan is a successful business woman, a mother, devoted wife and Christian. So, when infidelity came along to challenge her faith and very essence, she determined that she would not remain a victim.
In her professional life, Haneef is a innovator and encourager, an author and radio show host. She manages her two teenage son's talents and aspirations, and runs a consulting agency called, The Stylish Momager, an agency she created to show parents how to help their children tap into their gifts.
While she has decided to seek counseling for herself and for her sons, she has encouraged her husband to do the same, for healing. And for now, Haneef has sought legal separation and will work through the hurt and betrayal because she knows she has to remain strong for her family, her business, and for her ministry.
"I wonder what state of mind my husband was in to risk his entire family after 18 years of marriage. The woman he had an affair with is married and I later discovered, has a history of sleeping with married men" says Haneef.
"I’m just now in a place where I can speak about it. Seeing how not only two weeks after we lost our daughter, my husband made the decision to cheat. It’s heartbreaking and sad to be honest. But God is a healer.
My Husband is fighting hard for his family. However, he’s learning a valuable lesson that his fight is within. He first has to work on himself. This is now about time and God. Yes, I know that for sure. I’m just leaning on God at this moment."
I interviewed Haneef recently about this alarming trend where some 40 to 50 % of all marriages are ending in divorce, and a large percentage for the reason of these divorces is infidelity.
Q&A with Haneef
Thank you for this interview Haneef. I know that this will be a blessing to someone who will read this article.
RW) When Beyoncé came out with her hugely popular and successful album 2 years ago, Lemonade, she aired out a lot of "dirty-laundry" on the subject of infidelity that seemed to empower women, in particular, to be more vocal about it. It also seemed to be somewhat therapeutic, and she and Jay-Z seem to have overcome it and move on with their marriage. Why did you want to do this article? Who do you want to hear your story, and what have you learned from this experience?
HJ) I wanted to do this article so that we can become more aware of our responsibility when we say I DO. So we can understand what true forgiveness looks like. Knowing that forgiveness doesn't equal trust or staying in a relationship. I want young and seasoned husbands and wives to hear my story. However, I also want the ones who are thinking about marriage to really understand what that means. What it means to be a wife and husband. What I've truly learned from my experience is that too often we replace our mates with God. We make them our God. And when they show us that they are not and of course cannot live up to that idea, we hurt, we hurt hard.
It brings me back to the word of God. He says to put ALL your trust in him. (He never said to put your trust in man) What I mean is when we rely on God solely and trust in him that our mates will be what God has told them to be. Then and only then can we experience wholeness. I've also learned the meaning of guarding your heart. I didn't do that at all in my marriage.
RW) I know that this is a delicate matter that can't just simply be defined in terms of statistics. Relationships are complex unions, as we are complicated beings, full of emotions and impulses that many times dictate actions from the norms given a set of certain circumstances. That being said, the statistics do paint a picture perhaps of our human behavior. The average divorce in the United States, according to a national survey poll, shows that 45 to 50% of married women and 50 to 60 % of men will cheat on their spouses. According to the American Psychology Association, Infidelity accounts for between 20 to 40 % of all divorces. What does this tell you about our society as a whole when it comes to the institution of marriage?
HJ) Funny you should ask that question. What it tells me is that we've lost the ability to have self-control. Something the word teaches us about daily. We also aren’t truly dealing with the realness of marriage. Marriage for many is a fairytale when in fact it is not. You should be called to be someone’s wife or husband. It's not easy and requires work. We don't fall in love (being in love is work and history and overcoming). We are dealing with a society that seems to fall in lust quite frequently. We have a lot of broken souls masquerading as adults.
RW) A recent Gallup poll showed that 62 % of those surveyed say they would leave their spouse if they discovered an affair had taken place, and about 31 % would try and stick it out. From a Christian perspective, doesn't the bible give infidelity as the one way out of marital vows in God's eyes?
HJ) Yes, from a Christian perspective it most certainly does. And if you choose to end the marriage, you have the right. However, the beauty of the word of God shows us just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. It all depends on what took place with each individual. It's not easy for anyone to stay, man or woman, especially if you have full details, like I do. If you've been cheated on it's up to you on how you want to proceed and start your healing process. Pray often, write your journey down, and make a sound decision for yourself.
RW) What have you decided to do in your own personal journey with this matter of infidelity? Are you working through it, and how would you counsel other women who are facing this very painful situation?
HJ) Well, on my journey I've decided to legally separate. Get my own place with our children and go to counseling for myself, as family and as a couple. Each child is in counseling so they have a safe place to express themselves. That is how we are choosing to work through it. This is what's best for us.
As for counseling other women or men who are facing this unthinkable situation. Honestly, I wouldn’t dare try to do that. I am not qualified to counsel on this kind of pain. This situation requires a professional to help with the trauma that is attached to it.
RW) If you were a marriage counselor, speaking to a young couple who have become engaged and want to start a family, what words of advice would you give them after your experience Haneef?
HJ) My words of encouragement would be, become and stay friends, even in the moments when your emotions can get the best of you. Show grace and compassion to one another; be honest about what you feel; treat each other with respect. Also, watch your words to others about your mate (be very careful with that); and most importantly, seek God together. Stay connected to the most High. Celebrate one another. Embrace growth and support each other’s dreams as you build whatever that it is that GOD has called you to do. Forgive often so your heart is free to love without resentment.
RW) I know that you have a ministry Haneef and have been a beacon of strength for young women and families through your ministry and your prayer sessions and talk show. How can people find your ministry on social media?
HJ) Thank you so much. I have realized that God has called me to uplift the family unit as whole. As you can see your calling will not come with exemption from life's challenges and trials, but then who better to provide ministering.
People can find me on social media, my Instagram is: @haneefrjordan, or my website at: www.haneefrjordan.com All details of what I am doing and books that are coming will be there.
Thank you for this opportunity to share my truth.
"When You're Walking in Your Calling you Can Deliver a Powerful Message "™
Mrs. Haneef R Jordan - www.haneefrjordan.com
Haneef's Photo Gallery & Spiritual Quotes
We [Society] aren’t truly dealing with the realness of marriage. We make it seem as if it's a fairytale when in fact it is not. You should be called to be someone’s wife or husband. It's not easy and requires work. We don't fall in love (being in love is work and history and overcoming) We are dealing with a society that seems to fall in lust quite frequently. We have a lot of broken souls masquerading as adults.
What Are Your Thoughts About Infidelity and Would You Stay or Leave, and Why?
Leave a comment in the comment section below ~ we want to hear from you about infidelity as Haneef and her family, like so many, deal with this issue.