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He Abused her throughout their Marriage

Updated on October 17, 2016

The unexpected Relationships

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Domestic Violence

Boy meets girl, and everything feels sweet in the beginning of any relationship. When reality sets in then everything feels a distant between most couples.

She was young and had already given birth to a bouncy baby boy at the age of fifteen.

The young woman needed more than to sit at home at take care of her new born.

A teenage girl who enjoyed going out and meeting up with friends.

The teen did not care about the consequences.

At fifteen she wanted to hang out with people her age and have fun.

The fun days came to an abrupt end when she met her worst nightmare.

Little did she know of how her life would be affected by her new partner.

He was tall and handsome with a great body their thoughts went further from a hug and kiss.

It took her a few months to be with this man eleven years older than her. He put rings and charms around her.

She fell in for what at that time felt like love.

The teenage girl needed someone to hold her. To love and give her the attention that her family did not show toward her.

A moment for the young woman to feel loved by another.

They grew closer together and saw each other daily.

Time spent together made them think of a plan of eloping.

It was a secret plan and she did not want to be living with her parents no more.

One evening they escaped with the baby without anyone noticing their get brave away.

It was softly and quietly through an open window.

The well-planned escape was successful. It was devastating for the rest of the family. The empty home left sadness and lots of tears.

The concern of the young girl and her new born to be away from home was a problematic issue.

The girl wanted her freedom. A chance to be with someone who she thought loved her.

The young woman did not know much of this man's true behavior.

It was not long after the young girl had moved into an apartment with her much older man. Only, then did she realize the temperamental behavior.

He started fighting and physically abusing her after many sips from the bottle.

His drinking habits was out of control. A side of this man she did not see from the beginning of her acquaintance..

She ran away from home thinking of how free she could be. The love of from a man blinded her of his true being.

His fast blows to her head and face made her look blue disfigured. After a week, or two their problems disappeared.

He often apologized for hitting her. Not long afterward he would fall right back into the same old routine.

The violence continued and the woman stayed with this man. Nobody wanted to hear of her story.

She left her family without even telling them of her whereabouts.

As a teenager she wanted to explore new avenues and experience life in her own way. With poor parenting skills she did what she knew was right, and felt relieved from a not so lovable family.

Life turned around in a way that she had never dreamed of it would be.

The boyfriend abused her for years and still she married him legally to continue living together.

On certain occasions when the abuse worsened. She managed to escape for a few weeks in a secret hiding place.

Her concern was her two kids. The abusive partner did not find that to be of any concern.

He would often find his wife to get back home again. She believed him and went back home for the kid's sake. The same old apologies went on for many years.

  • Why do most partners feel the need to say with their abusive partners?

When an individual feels insecure in an abusive marriage they don't leave their partners.

The idea of their children being taken away makes them stay and live on.

They think love is keeping them together. It is not love, when treated like that.

Sometimes the person involved with an abusive partner is afraid of letting go of each other. Individuals become dependent on their partners. These partners don't know which way to turn

Often the victim feels guilty and blames them for all the wrong.

A kind of behavior that does not require much communication mostly fear and violence.

The foundation of such a marriage is not stable and more troublesome.

In this case she had no say to reason with her partner. He controlled her life and she was left with many scars.

  • Would you be afraid to leave an abusive marriage?

The abuse made her feel neglected, and less loved and not feeling loved by her family made her life very sad and unwanted.

The children witnessed their mother's physical abuse from their father, and cried about it this was a shame for them to see such actions.

A family with not many good memories.

The short lovely memories was taken over by the aggressive behavior of her husband.

Alcohol was not his friend it was his enemy and he did not see it that way.

Years went by, and still she stayed and battled his abusive ways.

One day she left and never returned.

Her grown up children now in their thirties are now living independently.

They don't need her help. Her scars remain and shows her that past abused life.

Deep down she was destroyed and lost her best years of her life with that man.

He showed her his best side to reel her in his life.

The fun days did not last long for a teenage girl who once believed in having good times, and going out with friends.

Now in her fifties she is all alone and enjoys her life with family.

Abusive men often show you their best behaviors.

When you have fallen into their web you are stuck. To get out is impossible.

An example of how a spider gets its prey.

The defenses don't work and the twisting and turning does not make it any easier.

If you want to leave, you got to do it right away after the first hit.

Both males and females can be abusive toward each other. The problem is when you choose to stay and not stand up for yourself.

Nobody deserves such hard ache, or fear from anyone. Some people have different behaviors and make that part of their partners’ lives.

The poorly raised children and less educated families with traumatic issues, allows for the troubled adulthood.

Love is what holds families together, and if this is practiced from childhood. When older the individual then knows how to love and feel for another.

In this case the man had no love for his family. As the girl did not have love in her family. Two people were looking for what they did not have in their families.

The abuse to the teenager was a great shock which led her to a different path.

The abusive man cried out to his wife, and apologized for all that happened between them over the years. Sometimes love is not all you need.

Relationships require more understanding. Communication is key.

Always know the person you are dating. Find out more about the other person you choose to spend the rest of your life with in all times. It is easy to see only the good side of others. Look for all sides of that person.

Abusive Relationships

Abusive Individuals

Would you be afraid to leave an abusive marriage?

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Don't stay in Abusive Relationships

Writing shows me more about life.
Writing shows me more about life. | Source

© 2014 Devika Primić

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      An important cautionary tale! (Voted up!)

      There is no excuse for one person to hit another unless it is in self-defense in my opinion. Having said that I do believe society tends to put more focus on the abuser than they do on the person willing to endure abuse. We gloss over their input and the choices they made along the way.

      This girl had a baby at age 15 which probably means she was having unprotected sex at age 14. Her "boyfriend" is 11 years older than her which would have made him 25 at the time!

      There is nothing in the story that mentions whether or not this girl graduated from high school so my guess is she dropped out of school.

      She chose to runaway from the family that loved and supported her because she did not want to obey their rules.

      I suspect when the abuse started taking place she did not leave this man because she didn't want to prove her parents were right about him being a mistake in her life. Pride will make you hold on even when you're wrong.

      She then chose to marry this man and have another child (after) the abuse had been going on. She chose to stay in that abusive marriage allowing her children to be scarred for life from witnessing it. Clearly she did not have (their) best interest in mind.

      Our lives are for the most part the end result of the (choices) we've made along the way. Although it's not politically correct to talk about taking self-responsibility for one's own life and decisions it nevertheless is the one thing we can control. Bad choices and decisions lead to having a hard life.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      I would have to walk away on the first sign of abuse. My mother was beaten by her first husband and walked away with nothing. She drilled into me that no man abuses you ever, ever. No abuse, no forgiveness for it, no excuses for it here.

    • cecileportilla profile image

      Cecile Portilla 2 years ago from West Orange, New Jersey

      Hi DDE:

      This hub should be helpful to women in abusive relationships. It highlights the the signs of abuse and reasons why many women feel that they should stay. This hub is a great reminder to women in such relationships that that they are not alone. Good job!

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Can't say much about it but, I used to help smuggle women with their children out of one state for asylum in another. I suppose some would call it abetting kidnapping. Many stayed in our home during transition. One guy found us out but the mom and kids were long gone. I did not like the size of his pistol. That other state's laws changed thank God.

    • MG Singh profile image

      MG Singh 2 years ago from Singapore

      Domestic violence is a fact. Well written and presented hub

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 2 years ago

      Pride does affect some people's decisions. At the same time, as you said, people wonder how they could have made such a bad decision. I think when the abuser shows their "nice" side, it is used by the person being abused to affirm their initial choice.

      For some it is hard to match the image of the person you met initially with the person that is being abusive. A man meets a nice woman and after they get married she starts calling him names, putting him down. She is not hitting him so he is reluctant to leave.

    • alexadry profile image

      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 2 years ago from USA

      There's no excuse for abuse, victims should walk away and if they have a hard time, they should seek help as their lives are endangered. Voted up.

    • THarman7 profile image

      Terry Harman 2 years ago from Lacey Washington

      This is a very serious subject that needs continual exposure. DDE you have written a very good hub that will bring much need attention to domestic violence. Just because one persons home is happy doesn't mean the neighbors home is the same. So if your story brings even one person to take notice then you have done your writing justice. Thank you for writing this hub from the bottom of my heart as I was once a victim as well.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi dashingscorpio ''Bad choices and decisions lead to having a hard life.'' You summed up very well and the girl did not finish her schooling years. Thank you very much for sharing such thoughts here you worked it all out perfectly.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway, ''She drilled into me that no man abuses you ever, ever. No abuse, no forgiveness for it, no excuses for it here.'' I so agree with that line I too feel the same no individual should be treated as a punching bag. Thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      cecileportilla, thank you very much

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Ericdierker so interestingly mentioned and get your point thank you.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MG Singh thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi jtrader sometimes individuals just don't know how to love another thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello alexadry thank you for the vote up and I so agree with you I appreciate you coming by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello THarman7, as a victim you know exactly what I mean here thank you for sharing your thoughts on this vulnerable topic.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago

      She believed him and went back home for the kid's sake and this went on for many years.

      I don't believe that a woman should stay with a man for the Children's sake. Children learn what they see and the boy child sees the abuse and thinks that is the way it is suppose to be, and the girl learns to allow herself to be abused.

      I would rather a child be from a broken home than in a broken home.

      My EX hit me one time, that was it for me.

    • Author Cheryl profile image

      Cheryl 2 years ago

      Women usually stay in abusive relationships because of fear not because of the children. Women will leave an abusive partner a total of 7 times before leaving for good. Every minute 4 woman are being abused. Only they can break the cycle of abuse for themselves and their children. It's enough if a woman is single and being abused but she is not looking out for her children if she stays with him. Just my two cents.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Shyron ''I would rather a child be from a broken home than in a broken home'' so greatly mentioned and so true thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Author Cheryl you are right it is not always about the children but this young woman stayed for her children and had left many times but came back each time after he promised he would never hit her again. It is hard when you faced with such kind of abuse or any other abuse I so appreciate you stopping by thank you very much.

    • DabbleYou profile image

      DabbleYou 2 years ago

      Nice story. It is hard to leave the kind of life that you have gotten used to. I think this is the reason why so many people stay in an abusive relationship. :)

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi DabbleYou thank you for stopping by

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