ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Healing and Reconnecting

Updated on August 17, 2011


We had a rough ride in 2009. It was the tale of two cities. A pull to and fro. In one city was my mother and her caregivers. Mom was in her last months. Our desire was to give her what she wanted and richly deserved. To die in her own home. It had been my home a long time ago. It always sort of felt like my home. I often called it "home" actually.

But in the other city, 150 miles away was my real home. The place where my wife and kids live. The place where my deck is. Where the dogs and cats are. A place where I had my own spaces and nooks to hide in. In 2009, my real home with my wife and family was a refuge away from my old home where my mom was.

My wife took a backseat in a sense that year. She had to and she wanted to as she loved my mother as if she were her own. She lent me to my mom for that year at a great sacrifice. At that time when I was gone, I was gone - with all my attention being where I was away from her. When she needed me then - she just didn't have me. My being was somewhere else. Even when I was at home with her my thoughts were elsewhere. I wasn't there to help her, I was there to regroup and recharge so I could go back within a few days time to my mom where I was needed. She had to keep things running while I was away. When she hated that, she hated herself in a way, knowing this was how it was supposed to be.


My mom died in 2009 in October. She went peacefully, protected from the chaos that surrounded her somewhat. Not completely because my mom was a wise old bird, right up to the end. Some of the stuff she saw and worried about and I dismissed turned out to be the truth. She worried a great deal about my wife, who she called the "lost Indian". She was the daughter who wasn't biological and that distinction, which shouldn't have mattered was still ever present and my mom picked up on that.

After the holidays and as we rolled into 2010, I thought I could just pick up where I left off. But that year of devotion had sadly caused some distance between my wife and me. We loved each other very much still, we'd celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary actually in 2009 although it came and went with about as much hoopla as Sweetest Day. Although my wife says it is ridiculous, at the time I felt a bit like I'd lost her. That she used to be my girl. She of course, still was but definitely we needed to reconnect and rebuild while we mourned together such a devastating loss.

Ooh Things Are Going To Get Easier

We went into a phase of healing. There were still pulls back where my mom had lived, an estate to deal with for one. My mom worried quite a bit about how that would be handled and again she was right. Not everyone was on the same page, not even my wife and I sometimes. I wanted things to go slowly. I wanted time to heal. Looking back maybe it was selfish. I thought at the time it was selfless as it wasn't just myself I was worried about. It was all of us. In both of my homes.

I was home full time with my wife. We were together again. I tried to convince her that things would get easier. That things would get brighter. I try to be optimistic. Sometimes I'm better at giving advice than following it. Sometimes I hide the pain I'm feeling with a happy face. I just wanted things to get better and have had enough rough times to know that time does heal. Now I'm not so sure. I guess you can't heal in multiple ways at the same time. But I knew my focus needed to shift back to my true home and my wife and kids.

It wasn't a time anymore for "it is what it is", which had been a favorite saying we had in 2009. It was a time to make things brighter. I wrote "Bright Sun Shiny Day" before I believed it I think. I wanted to believe it but I wasn't ready yet. Things were still chaotic. The focus still wasn't where it belonged. My life needed to get back on track. I'm at a cross roads point in my life. But I think now, for reasons I'll let lie, we've moved on. We've left the carnage behind maybe although it is ever present. But it was time.

First Day of the Rest of Your Life

The scars haven't all healed. Some may never heal. But the important thing is my wife and I are together and unified and ready to move forward. In some ways we need to get to know each other again. What we want out of what is left of our lives. Where we are going. We need to take control. It's a time for us to listen as well as talk. It's a time to leave the past behind and reject the things the separate us from moving on.

It's nice. The walks with the dogs are walks again. We talk about the future and are trying to not dwell on the past. The scars on our hearts, my wife's and mine, are more or less fully healed.  It's time for us to get to know each other again.  So we can be one together.  Together we can wipe away the tears.  We can get to know each other better.  I don't have that used to be my girl feeling anymore.  Real or imagined that was a very difficult way to feel.  For both of us.

Hand in hand we are heading into the future.  Where it leads isn't as important as it is that we are heading there together.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • JBeadle profile imageAUTHOR

      J Beadle 

      8 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Winsome. Appreciate the comments.

    • Winsome profile image


      8 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Sounds like a great place to be in. Enjoyed the read and the music. Rated up. =:)

    • JBeadle profile imageAUTHOR

      J Beadle 

      8 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks to Linda Sue for the corrections. For the ones I listened to and made as well as for the ones I decided to leave as is - even if they were technically wrong!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)