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Internet Dating for marriage- A tried and true process for ensuring your online dating journey results in a marriage fil

Updated on June 20, 2016

Internet dating for marriage

Internet Dating for Marriage

Never have to say “that’s what happens when you meet someone online!”

Throughout history couples have met in a myriad of ways; houses of worship, thru a friend, thru a relative, in school or university, or by chance encounters such as when shopping in a store or traveling a train. Traditionally, people who married resided in relatively close geographic proximity to one another. With the implementation of the internet as a dating tool, people from opposite ends of the globe can meet, fall in love, and marry. As with anything in life, there are advantages as well as disadvantages to this. An obvious advantage to this platform, is that the pool of potential mates is virtually unlimited. Once you connect with someone, it is necessary to get to know one another in an almost pen-pal style manner. A disadvantage to internet dating for marriage, is it is difficult to determine who is legitimate and who is not sincere as you will have never seen this person before and will not be able to solicit references from mutual friends or relatives.

If an individual’s goal is to date for marriage, the internet can be one of the best methods for meeting your spouse. The fist step is to find a website with people of similar backrounds, values, and beliefs. Post a photo and write a description of what you are looking for as well as answer preloaded questions from the host website. Most people would use the philosophy of being vague in answers and very broad in describing what you are looking for in your mate. The idea would be to get as many responses from prospective mates and weed them out over a period of time. This is a misguided notion. When I designed my profile, I posted pictures of myself in different places and included pictures of my children. In the description of what I was looking for, I intended to write things that I knew would turn many women away. I spoke about my children, that I wanted a traditional lifestyle, that I was divorced, and so forth. My thought was to weed out women who were not serious and who would not be interested in me from the very beginning rather than waste time writing back and forth. This would avoid getting people confused, and potentially involving my emotions in people with whom there was very little chance that things would work out. Over time I wrote several women, a few wrote to me, and then I came across the profile of a woman that struck me like a bolt of lightning. From her photographs it was obvious she was beautiful, and her profile was writtenvery similar to mine- meant to push people who were not serious about marriage away and not waste time with people simply looking for a good time. She wrote about her children, faith in G-d, and that she will make the right man very happy.

Although I did not hold out much hope, I decided that I had nothing to lose and sent a request to her inviting her to review my profile. She responded and we began writing emails back and forth. For about 3-weeks we wrote back and forth. The emails began as polite exchanges with little emotion. Over time, the emails became very intense discussing challenges we were experiencing in life as well as our hopes and dreams. We became close virtual friends. The next step was to progress to texting. The next natural progression was to speak to one another over the phone. At first, she requested that I text her prior to a phone call to see if she was available. Over the course of a couple weeks, she tore her wall down and said I could call directly whenever I wanted. About a month into our correspondence, I wanted to take the next step and meet her. We had established a friendship without involving feelings and the physical elements of a relationship that can be dangerous to a budding relationship. I was scheduled to fly to New York from Bradenton, Florida on a Tuesday. I was to be given two dates over the course of two nights. Next, the bummer of a lifetime occurred. A major snowstorm hit New York City and the planes were grounded. The first thing I did was reschedule for the following Tuesday. My determination impressed her and sparked a little interest in her as she could see how much I valued her. The anticipation during that week long interval was sheer agony.

When Tuesday finally arrived, I flew up and met her at her parent’s house. I still remember the sound of her heels hitting the concrete sidewalk and the scent of her Light Blue perfume as she walked towards me that cold January night. Her beauty was striking. I asked to meet her family as I wanted to build trust that I was not a weirdo who flew up from Florida to meet a woman. After I met her family, we went to a very nice restaurant (which is the location we celebrate our anniversary every year- we sit in the same seats we sat the very first night). Over the course of the meal we discussed a variety of topics. We already knew each other fairly well due to our email correspondance. I wanted to emphasize to her that despite pressure friends and family were putting her under, she had plenty of time and sheshould take her time to meet the right person. I told her that her happiness was more important to me than my feelings. After the meal, I drove her home and was so excited that I could hardly sleep that night as I anxiously awaited the second date the following night.

The following night I picked her up and we went to a steak house in Manhattan. I was in ecstasy as I had completely fallen for this woman (actually I was past the point of no return the very first moment I saw her profile online). After the meal as we were driving to her home in Brooklyn, a realization came over me. I could tell that in her mind, I was simply a friend and one of many dates she would go on. To me, she was exactly what I wanted in a woman. I knew that this car ride was crucial as it may be the last time I ever see her. Although my nature is quiet and reserved, I had to come out of my comfort zone and put it all on the line- no guts no glory. I swallowed hard and proceeded to tell her that on my grandmother’s death bed as I was married to my then ex-wife, my grandmother told me that my next wife would be beautiful. I told her that she was the woman in my dreams from the time I was six years old. Later, she recounted to me that I caught her totally offguard with these comments. My sincerity took her from viewing me as a friend to wondering if maybe she could be interested in me. As we arrived at her residence she paused and then asked me, “how religious are you? Do you touch girls?” I thought this was a trick question. I replied that no, I do not touch girls. She said, “oh- I wanted to hold yourhad and see if there was any chemistry between us, but I respect that!” I said wait a minute and chased after her. She laughed and pranced inside her building. As I drove away from her building, I felt intense frustration knowing that I may never see her again and feeling stung by the lost chance of holding her hand. I frantically searched for an exit off the road and pulled into a restaurant parking lot. My heart pounding, I called her and told her that I very much wanted to hold her hand and need to see her again before I return to Florida. She calmly replied that it was too cold to outside with her baby, but I could come over for coffee if I wanted to the following morning. There is a major discrepancy in the sense of urgency guys feel and the aloof, carefree attitude of a woman. I needed to see her again,however, she could take it or leave it. This point is a recurring theme in the relationship between a man and a woman.

When the next morning arrived, I brought a book as a gesture to remember me by, and decided to dress in a casual manner as I would normally. For the past two dates, I tried to dress up (which she later recounted that she was not too fond of my sense of style). This morning, I wore jeans and a fitted sweatshirt. As I walked in to her apartment, she commented that she liked to see me in casual attire and that she is a “jeans girl” and wears jean skirts. I tried to be relaxed and in order to linger a little longer, I drank about three or four cups of coffee. When it was time to leave, she began sweeping the floor. As I was walking out the door I remarked that I was unsure how she felt about me, but that she is exactly what I want. She laughed this comment off and playfully told me to get out. I said that I would oblige, but reiterated that she is exactly what I want. While waiting at the gate for my plane, I emailed her and said I had a great time and asked her how she felt about me. She wrote me back and said she likes me enough to come see me in my environment.

Men do not realize this, but women put us thru a series of tests to determine if the man is worthy of them. The next step was to see me in my environment. She wanted to test me and see if I was stingy. Her reasoning was that if in a marriage iquestion every dollar she spends, this would not be satisfactory. She sent me an email telling me that it is strange, but she got used to having me around for the weekend and sort of misses me. She said that if I would be willing to pay for her ticket and a ticket for her friend to accompany her to Florida, she would come visit me. I replied in the affirmative, and she booked tickets with my credit card.

About a week later I picked her and her friend up at the Tampa airport. For comfortability as wells as modesty reasons, she and her friend travelled together. She wanted to see that I was a normal guy who lived an ordinary life. We spent the weekend together and I showed her around my town and we did things that I enjoy doing in my leisure time. We went to the coffee shop, we went shooting with my guns, we walked on the beach, and went for several walks around scenic areas of Sarasota such as St Armands Circle. After spending time with me, she commented that although I am not the life of the party, she can glean that I like to go and have a good time. From this point on, the internet dating step concluded, and the regular relationship stage began.

Thus, to summarize the steps of internet dating for marriage the following is a chronological timeline; Compose a profile with pictures doing various activities you enjoy and in a variety of clothing so the prospect can get a glimpse as to how you present yourself on a daily basis. If you have children, it is important to post pictures with your children! Write a profile with a very honest assessment of who you are and what you are looking for in a mate. Design the profile with the intent of pushing away the vast majority of people who peruse the profiles so that the small number of people who are right for you will be drawn to you. Once you connect with a potential mate, have an online friendship for atleast 3-weeks without meeting and without speaking on the phone. Remember, you have pictures of the person so it is not like a blind date. After 3-weeks, begin texting and then calling on the phone. The anticipation and excitement in each progressive step is indescribable going from writing, to texting, to speaking on the phone. The culmination of this process is meeting the person with whom you now have a very good friendship. In fact, you probably know more about each other by this point than you do about most of your closest friends of years. Take your time to get to know one another and see each other in their elements and where they reside. Congratulations! You have now transitioned from an online prospect to a relationship that is probably much stronger that one where people met in a conventional manner- the bliss of future physicality will be all the more ecstatic.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 15 months ago

      It's not where you meet but (who) you meet that counts!

      Online dating sites are nothing more than a (tool) for meeting new people.

      Just as a fork is a tool for eating. One can eat a garden salad or a slice of double fudge chocolate cake.

      However an obese person would never blame their fork for their weight gain! And yet people who have a bad dating experience with someone they met online will blame the whole online dating industry!

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      You get to (choose) who you engage with and spend your time with.

      If someone is having one bad dating experience after another it's probably time they reexamined (their) mate selection criteria.

      The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).

      If you want something different (you) have to do something different!

      You are responsible for having your own "screening process".

      It pays to research reviews of various online dating sites, their specific demographics by income, education, race, age, faith, and male VS female ratio of membership prior to selecting a site to join. They're not all equal!

      Lastly you have to know what {you're looking for} and ask yourself if you were your "Ideal mate" would you be on this site and more importantly would you want (you)? If the answer is no you need to make/cultivate some changes.

      Always use good commonsense when dealing with strangers whether you meet them online or offline.