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Compromise in Healthy Relationships vs. You Always Giving But Never Getting

Updated on March 19, 2012

How to Have a Healthy Relationship

It seems like now days everyone wants to make their relationship more balanced and healthy. Having a healthy, balanced relationship will keep you and your partner both happy to be together through whatever struggles lay ahead in your relationship.

A healthy relationship is a happy relationship and a happy relationship has no end in sight. In this article, I will discuss the four main keys to having a healthy and happy relationship that will last as long as you and your partner want.

It is recommended that you take notes of things you'd like to discuss working on with your partner, while reading, so that later you two can discuss what you feel needs to be changed in order to keep things healthy, strong and lasting.

Healthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships


The first and most important way to have a healthy relationship is understanding the value of compromise. Relationships are all about give and take. If one person in the relationship is always giving, but never getting, things become unbalanced and this opens the door for fighting, frustration and a potential disastrous end to the relationship.

I am not advocating keeping score, either. What I am suggesting is that both partners in the relationship are always focused on one thing: giving. If both partners are always constantly thinking of ways to sacrifice of themselves and show their partner that they are loved, both will remain constantly satisfied and never even worry about the 'getting' portion of the equation.

This also feeds to a snow-ball effect of constantly trying to repay one another for how much has been given. How do you feel when someone does something nice to you? It makes you want to do something nice for them to demonstrate how grateful you are! How do you feel when someone shows you how grateful they are? It makes you want to keep giving them more of whatever it is they are grateful for! If you start out your relationship on this foot, it is only bound to become more and more loving and enjoyable for both you and your partner as time progresses.

However, also taking and never giving can lead to a vicious cycle as well. Instead of constantly trying to show each other how grateful you are, you may constantly be trying to show each other how much you hate that you never give to each other.

If you're not already in this cycle of constant giving and showing gratitude with your partner, you can still start it. Give them a pleasant surprise tonight to say that you're thankful for everything they do. Buy them a nice card and some flowers and take them out to their favorite restaurant. They'll be pleasantly surprised buy your spontaneity and they'll most likely reciprocate very soon afterward, which opens up the door for the gratitude snowball effect mentioned earlier.

This is the easiest strategy to implement effortless compromise in your relationship, because you'll be so concerned with how you are going to repay your partner for the nice favors they are always doing for you that you won't mind sacrificing of yourself for them.

You Don't Always Have To Be Right

This is one of the harder ones to over come, or at least it was for myself. We all think we're right on just about everything we believe. However, sometimes we're not always, but that is beside the point.

The point is that even if you are right and know you're right about something, you don't have to debate it with your partner. On most of the issues, both of you already have your mind made up and no one is going to convince the other one that they are wrong. Most of the time the issues don't even matter anyway. For example, if you know me on a personal level, then you know I am really involved in politics. I hold some pretty strong beliefs on politics and I can't really be persuaded any other way. My girlfriend and I hardly agree on anything on a political level, but we learned we just don't even have to discuss it, because it is completely irrelevant to our relationship anyway. This is the type of mutual understanding and respect that is vital to a healthy relationship.

If you find that you and your partner are constantly disagreeing and debating on everything, a simple way to solve the problem is to come to understanding where you both agree to disagree and leave it at that. You don't constantly have to be trying to change your partner to think and believe more like you do. Let them be them for who they are and what they think and love them for it, even if it's different than yourself.

This makes me think of my dad. He and my mom have been married for eternity now and not once in my entire 23 years of life have I ever heard him raise his voice or even argue or debate with my mom. Even when she is furious, yelling at him or complaining to him, he just nods his head and stays peaceful and calm and listens to her. My mother's rants do not fall on deaf ears either. He is always very sure to listen to what she is upset about and change the way he's been doing things according to her wishes. He has been such a great example to me, while growing up. I still don't know how he has that much self control, but my point is it's possible. I would be very proud of myself if I was able to emulate his example in this area so well.

Overcome Jealousy

Jealousy is the destroyer of worlds, in terms of relationships. It has the potential to break and destroy just about any relationship. The ironic part of it all is, when we are jealous, it is because we love the person and don't want to lose them.

Nonetheless, jealousy is something that must be learned to be controlled. You do not own your partner and they retain the right to choose to leave you for someone else any day they want.

Controlling and dominating who they can spend time with and where they can go and when is not the solution to jealousy. Instead, you must learn to control and dominate YOURSELF. You must learn to accept that they have the right to do what they want and then learn to be able to accept it and be okay with it.

To learn to be okay with your partner choosing to leave you for someone else, if that ever happens, I recommend you do things to boost your self confidence and self esteem, learn to respect yourself and become more independent. These three things will help you value yourself and realize that, even if your partner does leave you, you are worthy of love from more than just them.

Hit the gym and work on your self image, cause this will boost your self esteem and, in turn, diminish your feelings of possessiveness and jealousy over your partner. Spend time alone doing things YOU enjoy and this will help you realize that you don't exactly need them to be happy. This will cause you to feel less threatened if you ever suspect they may consider leaving you for someone else.

To read more about jealousy and how to overcome it, click through the link below:


Healthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships

Establish Trust

The only way a relationship can truly thrive is if there is mutual trust on both ends. You must prove to your partner that you are a trustworthy person and that they don't have to worry about you betraying them.

The best way to do this is to demonstrate how loyal you are as often as you can. If you're in public with your partner and a hot member of the opposite sex walks by, pretend like you don't even notice them. Your partner will be most likely quietly observing you to see your reaction to this person and they will learn to trust you very easily if they see you acting like you don't even notice them.

Another way to prove that you are trustworthy is to simply stick to your word on just about everything. If you promise your partner you'll call them at a certain time, stick to your word and make sure you do so. If you promise your partner you will remember to do something, make sure you remember to do it. Little things like this go a long way to build trust.

The third and final way to earn trust in your relationship is to be completely honest about things, because chances are your partner will already know whether you're telling the truth or not. For example, if they ask you if they look fat, don't tell them they don't, if they do look fat. You don't have to be mean about it, but you could find a nice way to be honest. For example, you could say "You're the perfect weight that I like in a partner." Then make some comment about how girls or guys who are too skinny sicken you. State positive things about the size they are. After all, just because someone is a little overweight doesn't mean they are unattractive. Different people find different things attractive and they deserve to feel sexy no matter how they look. Just stay honest and your partner will learn to trust you big time.

You also must learn to trust your partner.  If he or she follows the guidelines in this section, that should make it easier for you, but you can't force them to do that.  You must find ways to learn to trust them yourself, most of the time. 

When there is a lack of trust in relationships, there is also a lack of affection.  At least there isn't as much affection as there could be.  This is because, when we don't trust someone, we have a hard time letting ourselves love them at our full capacity out of fear of being hurt. 

Be sure you both are trusting each other at your full capacity and you'll have no reason not to be loving each other at your full capacity.


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    • jainismus profile image

      Mahaveer Sanglikar 5 years ago from Pune, India

      Well written Hub with great tips on relationships, thank you for sharing it.

    • profile image

      Camo Girl!!! 6 years ago

      You Are Wlcome!!!

    • jaredbangerter profile image

      jaredbangerter 6 years ago from New York City

      Thank you for all the nice comments and support camo girl. :] Your name appears to be grayed out so I can't return the favor, unfortunately, but create an account and I'll comment on your hubs too. Thanks again.

    • profile image

      Camo Girl!! 6 years ago

      i love all your stuff!!!

    • Temirah profile image

      Temirah 6 years ago

      I agree with Kittythedreamer - great hub and teamwork is key! Mutual respect/do as you would be done unto is a biggie too: if you have that then pretty much everything else should fall into place.

    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Nicole Canfield 6 years ago from Summerland

      Another great hub, Jared! Voted up and beautiful. You are definitely right about the "giving" aspect in a healthy relationship. My husband and I do a lot of giving to one another and constantly try to help each other in tasks around the house and balancing care of our daughter and in the meantime, we don't ever worry about "receiving" from each other because we are always giving. Teamwork is key.