- Gender and Relationships
Heartache: How to Mend a Broken Heart
Amy doesn't show up at work. Calls in sick and becomes incommunicado. Colleagues and friends are worried as it seems out of character for Amy to lose touch like this. Amy doesn't want to open her eyes and throw off the covers right now. She doesn't want to open the shades and let the sunlight in. Not yet, not just yet. She doesn't want anything or anyone to rouse her today. Life seems like a lot of work. Life seems hollow: Amy is suffering from heartache. And her broken heart wants to duck under the sheets forever. Her loyal heart wants to keep her mind uninformed. It wants to help and keep the reality away from surfacing. it wants to prevent the pain from being registered by her consciousness. Its helping out.
Familiar? All of us at one point or another suffer from heartache. And for each one of us, life screeches to a halt as it happens. A broken heart is like a broken bone. Only much worse. It promises to modify your insides forever and the aftershocks rattle your soul for a long long time.
But, impossible though it may seem, it IS possible to mend and heal and go on. And its possible to make it happen naturally and quickly, with conscious effort. Whether you were unceremoniously dumped by someone, or had to break up with a cheating partner. Whether you both decided to call it quits mutually or one of you wanted to hang on forever. It doesn't matter: The result is invariably the same. An emptiness, a loneliness, fear and incompleteness, tears and anger. Its a lot to handle. Especially if you are on the receiving end of a betrayal, or if you are the one who wanted to stick around and make it work.
Breaking up is a painful process. Usually associated with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, it can make you feel down and out pretty easily. It can also make you feel abused and victimized leading to self-pity and a rather acute drop in the levels of confidence. Denial, anger, bargaining and depression ensue before the cycle of grief culminates in acceptance of the situation and moving on.
Its all natural. Its all normal. But, at times you can get arrested in only one phase of the sequence and end up miserable for far longer than can be construed normal or natural. A prolonged phase of denial; for instance; can actually transform into continuous attempts at pretending that everything is normal between the two of you. It can get you into trouble if the other partner has moved on or was already seeing someone when they broke up with you. An inordinate length of anger can result in violent crimes or stalking. sadness can become major depression, and so on.
To avoid unhealthy emotions and repercussions of abnormal reactions, it is absolutely essential that you do all you can to heal as soon as possible without rushing yourself or acting on impulse. You don't want to live your life in the toxic fumes of anger, or in the fog of depression! Take matters into your hands, regain control of yourself and patiently let your psyche heal. The important task is to nudge your mind and body in the right direction while the process completes naturally.
- Write down everything you are feeling or unload on a sympathetic friend. This will make you face what happen and internalize the facts and your feelings about the situation and your ex. Instant shortening of the denial stage!
- Look at all the newly freed time you have on your hands and organize it. keep yourself pleasantly busy. I don't advocate throwing yourself into work, although it works well for some. Do it if that's your personal style. Make sure that your evenings aren't spent in front of the television watching tear-jerkers (or anything else for that matter). Instead meet your friends and family. Hang out and try forgetting everything for a few hours enjoying the simple things in life.
- Going on a vacation is a good idea if your schedule and budget allows it. Otherwise pick up a hobby or an engaging book or magazine. Spend some time doing what YOU like. You are on your own, might as well make the most of it.
- To combat the feelings of inadequacy, make yourself useful and keep working. Don't quit your job. Also, dress up and look your best each morning. Looking good will rebuild your self esteem..
- Anger at the situation, at the unfairness of life and at your ex is perfectly natural. But, please don't direct that anger at yourself. Try dealing with the guilt-ridden thoughts by being forgiving and polite to yourself.
- Trying to patch up with your ex is again something you might want to do. Talk to them by all means. But don't bargain your needs away in searching for a resolution. Don't blame or pity yourself if the attempt at reconciliation doesn't succeed. You have to accept that a relationship is made of two individuals, and any one of them may want to discontinue. How ever much hard it may be or how traumatized you may feel, or how exceedingly unfair the universe may appear to you at this time; This is the reality of life.
- Pray! Re-connect with the Divine. In times of grief and pain human beings need a higher source of comfort and a reassurance that there's someone more powerful who is in charge. You can lay all your troubles on His doorstep and sleep easy. Meditate if you are bent that way. Meditation helps. No matter which faith you are a follower of.
- Don't brood over the situation. Accept your sadness as the normal response to loss, but leave it at that. Its counterproductive to run a movie of all the past events in your head; editing and re-editing the details. There's a major in-built flaw in retrospective thinking. Things appear better than they actually were! or worse! So just drop the hobby. Make use of your precious mind in constructive endeavors.
- Lastly and most importantly, take good care of yourself. Eat well and in moderation. Sleep well. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Exercise regularly. Supplement your diet with vitamins as stress seems to cause physiological damage. And vitamins aid in auto-repair of the cells. Eat uplifting foods that you love: chocolate, fruit, pudding, whatever! Keep yourself hydrated with water and healthy beverages.
Mending a broken heart is never easy. But you do have limitless reserves of strength within you. You'll be fine if you believe that you will be. And are creative and persistent with following advice on the matter. Don't hesitate in seeking medical help and assistance if things seem overwhelming and you are having a hard time coping.
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