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How Do I Pick Up That Girl at the Coffee Shop?

Updated on December 3, 2012

There’s a coffee shop that you often go to. You love to sit there and people watch. You look upon the passers-by, the cars as they roll down the street, the people walking their dogs, the mothers pushing their strollers… and the patrons inside the coffee shop itself! You’ve noticed her, has she noticed you? Maybe you should start leafing through GQ rather than troubleshooting signal errors via flow chart? Maybe you should take a shower before you have your evening coffee?! There are a lot of maybes in the coffee shop, but you can turn that “maybe” into a “yes”, if you let this nifty hub be your guide.

Unfortunately, the coffee shop is one of the harder places to pick that girl up. It’s not impossible, but it’s harder than in a place where you are guaranteed regular contact, and where she at least knows of you. On the other hand, the girl at the coffee shop is much more attainable than the girl on the bus… you at least have the advantages of living in the same general vicinity, knowing that you like at least some of the same types of activities (sitting in a coffee shop all day), of knowing where she likes to go for coffee, and hey, you just have to sit at her table to be having coffee together!

When I speak of “the girl at the coffee shop”, I don’t mean a girl that you’ve seen for the first time and that you’ve only seen once. If you’re going to try to get the girl you’ve never seen before, well, that is more like getting a girl on the bus… in this hub, we’ll be specifically talking about a girl that you see on a regular basis, at your regular coffee shop. You both love the coffee and the shop, and you both go there regularly. If you’ve noticed her, there’s no doubt she’s noticed you.


- Be yourself! You’re there to relax, after all

- Always clean up after yourself and push your chair back in

- Have good-looking friends visit you and have normal conversations

- Make acquaintance with other coffee shop regulars

- Be friendly and know the staff – they’re your best allies


- Act like a slob with your stuff all over the floor, chairs and table

- Stare at her or keep looking at her, waiting for her to look at you

- Pick your nose, ears, or scalp at anytime

- Bite your nails or suck on things in the coffee shop

- Scratch yourself (you never know when she’s looking)

- Start a conversation with her unless you are both standing in line

The thing to remember in the coffee shop setting is that anybody could be looking at you at any time. What that means is that the girl you like is also potentially looking at you at any given moment. It simply means that you can’t do things in the coffee shop that you can do at home; no leaning over and farting (then waving away your fart smell), no picking your nose, ears or scalp, no making funny noises, no making annoying noises, no starting at her, etc. If you really feel the need to do whatever bodily function or something that doesn’t look too sexy, please just go to the washroom and take care of yourself before returning to plain view of your future girl!

If you’re a regular at the coffee shop, and she’s a regular, too – that means that there are other regulars you no doubt see each time you go there. It really is to your advantage if you can make acquaintances with the other coffee shop regulars before you make acquaintance with her. This way, you don’t appear to be some pervert who simply wants to get to know her… you’ll appear to be just a friendly coffee shop patron who makes friends with everyone! No intentions. Not only that, but if she sees you being friendly and saying hi to many people, it increases your attractiveness. Also, you don’t know which other coffee shop regulars know the girl you are after… people invariably talk about other people, and you will probably be the subject of a conversation one day (you especially want the other regular to put in a good word for you!).

Being friendly to other coffee shop regulars extends into being friendly with the staff, too. If you can make friends with the staff, you have a lot of advantage. The staff can help you out with getting that girl; they can tell you what she usually orders (so, when you want to buy her a coffee without her permission, you’ll be able to give her exactly what she wants – girls love it when you remember their preferences), they can share with you information they know about the girl (Does she have a boyfriend? Does she usually come in alone?), etc. The bottom line is to be friendly to everyone.


  1. Of course, you start by regularly going to a certain coffee shop and becoming one of the regulars. That’s when you notice her – she’s a regular, too (you already have something in common!).
  2. Act normal, be friendly to everyone – other regulars and the staff – and don’t do disgusting things like picking your nose/ears/scalp, making disgusting noises or other gross things.
  3. Start things off by smiling at her if you ever happen to meet eyes. The most common time for this to happen is when you are entering/leaving and she is entering/leaving. Whatever you do, don’t stare at her from your seat. You can glance over, but don’t stare.
  4. Once you’ve got the smile thing going on (that means she recognizes you), you must wait until you guys are in line beside each other, waiting to place your orders. Engage her in some small talk, “I noticed you’ve been reading…” or, “So, do you come here a lot?” or, “I’ve been thinking about getting a Mac, how do you like yours?” DO NOT start off by exchanging names – DO NOT.
  5. Now that you’ve got some small talk with her (make sure to ask her questions about herself, don’t bore her with your own dull life), you can pop in a, “By the way, my name is _____, what’s yours?”
  6. Even though you’ve now got some rapport with her (small talk + name introductions), DO NOT ask to sit with her or her to sit with you. Just say, “Well, enjoy your coffee!” and head back to your own table. Continue as before.
  7. By now, it should be multiple times (and many months) that you’ve seen her at the coffee shop, said hi/bye, maybe had a couple of conversations (only have conversation when you’re both standing… if she’s sitting and doing something, don’t start a conversation with her), and you know some details about her. Don’t try and sit together at the coffee shop – it’s where she goes to get something specific done, like work or thinking – you need to get her out of that setting.
  8. Time to ask her out for a bite to eat! The next time you are both in line or entering/leaving, you should ask her out to a great restaurant that you’ve tried, or a new restaurant that you want to try, “Hey, there’s this new restaurant that just opened up around the corner and I’ve been dying to try it…” If you were both just finishing up your coffee, then she may go with you immediately… if you both just started your coffee, she may suggest another date. Perfect. If she wants to turn you down, she may make up some lame excuse, but never fear, just say OK and leave it be.
  9. If she accepts, then she’s your future girlfriend (if you don’t screw things up). If she doesn’t accept, you must carry on as a normal coffee shop regular and try another day (preferably, many weeks later)…

Good luck, bro!


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