How I Met My Match

After years of trying to find "the one", and one tumultuous relationship after another, I decided to take a step back and be the single girl - the one with numerous friends, a calendar packed full of dinners and outings, and money to spend as I chose.

Time was on my side for the first time since my first real crush. Not having to answer to my always-worrying and wondering heart, I was free to explore my own destiny, take my own path. I enrolled in school, caught-up with old friends, was able to grocery shop for whatever I had a hankering for, started exercising regularly, and began writing once again. Something that I had lost while being in relationships more than my sense of time and realty, was my love and passion for writing. Excuses seemed to pile up as to why I had no time or motivation to write. Sadly, looking back, none were valid.

Being in a relationship is a roller coaster of emotions, commitments to otherwise uninviting events, and long weekends lounging in sweats, watching whatever may spark my interest on television... so I thought.

As someone whom was almost always dating or in a serious relationship, the desire to be with someone quickly caught up with me. Yes, I was beginning to find myself and was compiling a newly-found list of dreams and next-steps, but not having someone to share it all with was weighing on me heavily. Although I am quite the independent woman, I am still a woman. We women need love, compassion, and a partner in the successes of life.

Blind dates were humiliating, but humbling. Having my parents set me up with their "ideal candidate" was horrific. I must admit that letting my parents give their input, let alone set-up a date for me, was beyond desperate, but better than meeting the frat boy at the bar, or the hippy at the health food store. Suffice it to say, I decided that my family and friends thought me more needy than I did.

I know a handful of people who have found love through the internet. Such a ridiculous idea to me, I never once considered it an option. When I thought of internet dating, I thought of the most desperate people in my life... that it was a last ditch effort to connect with -well- anyone.

After weighing my options - blind dates, bars, and health food stores - I swallowed what little pride I had left, and listened to the stories of online dating. Two people that I know married their online date, and have been married for over five years each. Another will be walking down the isle in the very near future. It started to resemble a respectable way to meet new people, contrary to what I had originally thought: that it was a place for desperate people, stalkers, and crazy predators. Thank you, 60 minutes, for having given me the wrong impression.

Having been invited to a few parties and events for New Years, but having been less than successful in finding a date, I decided to stay home. I rented a couple of movies, and bought a bottle of wine.

After watching Pretty in Pink, Say Anything, and P.S. I Love You (all sappy "chick flicks", of course), and passing-up the movies I had rented and had originally planned to watch, I turned and saw the computer preying on my lonely night. "Enough", I thought, and accessed the first online dating site that I could think of: Match.com.

I wrote and rewrote my bio presumably twenty times, uploaded a few pictures, and was done with the computer. The next morning, January first, I awoke to email after email from suitors. To my amazement, some were worth a glance.

I connected quickly with a few different people and went on quite a few dates. Inside, though, I still felt as though something were missing. Some guys were what I had come to expect: looking for the next-morning trophy. A few were more needy than I, acting as though we had been life-long friends. A couple were amazing, but lacking that spark.

After telling my friend that I was going to back-off once again, as this time I was not desperate, but overwhelmed, my health began failing me. I landed in the emergency room for the second time in a few months time. Not having someone with me was very unsettling, the pain of that worse than the pain in my back.

Once I left the hospital, someone I had casually texted with -from Match.com- texted me that he was going out with a friend, and I should join. Although in pain, and somewhat reluctant to drive, I decided to give the online dating world one more chance.

He told me a few things about himself that he felt that I needed to know, prior to meeting him. I reciprocated, and we realized that our secrets were the same. We were already seeming as two peas in a crazy-pod.

I showed up for a drink with my texter and a former colleague of his. I immediately felt comfortable. Love at first word. The guys were talking business, business, and more business; finally, people with intelligence, motivation, and a wealth of interesting topics to discuss. I -for the first time in public- confided in someone my business venture ideas. I felt a sense of ease that I had not known in quite some time.

Phil and I began dating, and the relationship moved rather quickly. So quickly that family and friends refused to hear it, just in case it were too good to be true. Everything just fell into place so easily. I did not have to try to converse, laugh, or smile.

I have found my soul mate... from the old computer in the corner of my once-lonely apartment.

I have considered crafting an imaginative story as to how Phil and I met... for the kids. However, my life motto is "Simplify". Keeping it simple, I found the love of my life through an online dating site. I am neither ashamed nor embarrassed to say it.

My brother once told me, while I was engaged to a less-than-noteworthy guy, that the one you are with should bring out the best in you. Phil most certainly does that for me. Since meeting him, I have begun my exploration of self-discovery in an entirely new light - writing at a whole new level, and finding what makes me happy and how to make it happen.

For the last several years of my life, I thought that I needed someone to make me whole. Phil has helped me to realize that I can stand on my own two feet, but that he is holding my hand while we walk together through life - ready to catch me if I fall, or skip with me when I succeed.

Although this article is more of a blog than anything, I hope that I have made my point: do not be scared... to do anything. Life is short and simple; just live. No one can do it for you.

Get out there and try dating in a low-risk way: online dating. You do not have to meet anyone if you do not wish to. Creating a profile is easy, and on many sites, free, and looking is half of the battle! Have fun clicking through pictures and profiles, and being somewhat picky. Do not be scared to set high standards, too, as you deserve the absolute best.

Your Phil is waiting out there for you... Get out your pole, bait your hook, and catch him!

Phil and I are now married, and expecting a little boy in just a few short weeks. We are even more in love than ever! He is my best friend, and brings out the best in me - in ways I never thought one could.

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