- Gender and Relationships»
- Non-Monogamous Relationships
How To Know If Your boyfriend or Husband Is Cheating
When Cheating Starts
When a man is cheating there are always signs. Sometimes we know that there is something fishy immediately, and other times we find ourselves consistently making excuses for unusual behavior. If you want the straight facts and are not afraid of the truth, here it is.
I believe that knowledge is power and a smart woman will want to at least know where she stands, and then do something about it. Doing something about it does not necessarily mean confrontation. It you have only been dating a guy for three months, there are really no grounds for confrontation. It can simply be an alert to remind you not to put all your eggs in one basket. No matter how good it feels to be with a particular man, and no matter how much he seems to be into you.
Don't start walking down the isle until you have the ring.
If you have been dating a guy for only a few months.....
Lets get one thing straight. If you meet a guy and he is relatively good looking and, or successful, then I can tell you he has at least one other girl in his life, and you should realize this and do not ever put all your eggs in one basket. I hear the same stories all the time from women who have been dating a guy for less than one year. "I am just coming out of a relationship", "I am very busy with my kids", sound familiar? I am sure it does.
When I was studying Relationship Psychology I interviewed many men and found that when a man has kids he uses them as an excuse that will help him cheat. This is an extremely common cover that works like a charm.
If you are dating a man who has very specific times that he can see you and he texts more often than calls, there is a good chance that there is another significant other in your man's life. Men are good liars and can be very convincing when they tell you that they can't pick up the phone because they are at the movies with their kids, or that they have to go away for a few days on business. Never ask a man if he is lying or try to bully the truth out of him, unless you are married or engaged to him. If you are just dating, these clues are telling you to date other men and keep your options open.
Men will string you along for as long as you allow it. If you are feeling uneasy with your guy and believe that he is seeing someone else, and has not formally committed to you, then you are a fool not to date other men and give them a chance.
If your relationship is less than one year old, chances are your "boyfriend" does not really consider himself to be your boyfriend yet. Don't treat him as though he is and don't hound him about suspected cheating. Its hard to take, but realize that he probably does not consider himself attached to you, and therefore he does not owe you an explanation or faithfulness.
Dating a man for years with no talk of commitment is grounds for you to shop around.
If you are married and your husband changes suddenly, you need to stop whatever he is doing right away. If you can end his fling before he becomes emotionally attached, or before the other woman gains the upper hand, you may succeed in sopping it all together.
When a married man starts cheating on you it is usually easier to detect than when dating, because you are living with your husband and know his personality well. Men will become moody and touchy while having an affair. They will change their schedule somehow with excuses, such as a business meeting that takes place every Wednesday evening, or they will stay at work longer for "inventory" or some other cleverly detailed reason. This is how he will fit the other woman into his lifestyle.
No matter how great your husband is, one should always be wise to know that anything is possible at any time. You should never just sit back and give 100% trust. Not that you should be snooping around and asking questions, but if the prime opportunity should strike your man, if he knows that he has total freedom and you will never find out, he is likely to take the opportunity, and this one time thing can easily turn into a once per week meeting if this is a particularly crafty woman.
A famous case of a woman who was just too trusting is the Betty Broderick story. Betty Broderick worked with her husband for 15 years to create a lifestyle of prosperity and success. She took care of their four children and worked while her husband, Dan, went to school to gain an education that would eventually bring comfort to their family. After more than one decade of struggling Dan was finally opening his own law practice. Betty had failed to see that her gangly husband had grown handsome over the years. He had a nose job, gave up his geeky glasses, and had gained some weight. Betty minded her own business to a point of never going to Dan's office. That means that anything went as far as Dan's entire day was concerned. He started having an affair with a smitten gold digger, and felt confident enough to then give her a position in his office. By the time Betty discovered the affair, Linda, Dan's legal assistant, had her hooks deep into Betty's husband, and there was no undoing it.
Had Betty been a regular face in her husbands office and business, Dan would never have felt so confident about having an affair in the first place, and certainly would not have hired her.
To read more about the Betty Broderick Case....
If you suspect your husband of having an affair, become a detective, question him, and be tough. Do not let him get away with it, because the sooner you become a problem, the sooner he will decide that his little affair is not worth continuing. If an affair has lasted close to one year, it can be impossible to end, depending of course on how attached to the other woman he has become.
Almost all men who are having an affair will suddenly pay more attention to his appearance and hygiene, will start working out, and may even go on a diet.
The best way to stop an affair is to stop it before it begins.
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