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How To Stop Nagging Your Man

Updated on October 08, 2009

He Says You Nag Too Much

Does your man accuse you of nagging? Does he call you a nag on a regular basis? If the answer is yes then chances are you could possibly just maybe be a terrible nag. Men will always call women nags no matter what. We should not get angry with them because they simply can not help it. Even though you clearly are not nagging and only asking him (for the billionth time) if he plans on taking that mountain of trash to the curb anytime this month, or did he change the oil in the car yet he only hears nag nag nag. Why this is I do not know. Must be a defect in the male species.

So how do you stop nagging your man and get him to do what it is you are wanting? Well there are a few things that you should try. First of all it is important to know that if you are asking him to do any type of fixing things or task that takes longer than 4 minutes to complete, you run the risk of being called a nag.

Things You Can Try

When you are talking to him and you think he is starting to get annoyed with you what you need to do is just shut up. I know this is hard to do but many times men get overwhelmed with everything we are saying and how fast we are talking. Too much information at one time or too many questions about the same subject causes them to hear nag nag nag.

Don't bombard him right when he walks in the door from work with lots of why's how comes. when. and so on..Instead let him come to you. Lots of men just need to sit back have a beer and relax or watch tv for a little while. They will respond to you much better if you do. Having a hot meal fixed for him never hurts either.

Try using a different tone of voice when speaking to him or ask whatever it is you want him to do in another way. Instead of saying "Are you ever going to mow the lawn?" say "Do you think you will be able to mow the grass this afternoon? I would really appreciate it" Do not yell or talk loudly at him. Instead talk to him in a pleasant voice. Using a soft calm voice is the total opposite of the way nagging sounds to your man.

You need to pick your battles. Is it really that important that he walk the dog right this second? Or when you ask him to? Is the world going to end? No it is not. Sometimes you just have to let him have his way so when the stuff that is important comes up you can talk to him about it without being accused of nagging him.

Be sure that you never nag your man for something you do yourself. Like picking up socks from the bathroom or something. If you want him to change the way he does things you have to set a good example and see that he notices.

When he finally does do something you ask be sure and thank him or give him praise. Compliment him on how nice it looks or what a great job he did. This one is very important. Never criticize what he has done. This will only make your man feel as if you are nagging and attacking him.

If none of those things work and you still can't get him to do anything you have asked, then you can always use sex. Men will do anything if they think there might be a possibility they might have sex. Don't use this one for little things like picking up the dry cleaning of course. And you don't have to actually do the deed either.

Nagging your man is a serious issue women have. Men hate it. If you constantly nag your man you will push him away or ruin your relationship. You will end up regretting it in the end. Trying to stop nagging your man is not a difficult thing to do. You have control over how you behave and communicate with your man. Taking a few seconds to think before you blurt out nagging commands can definitely improve your relationship.

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    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      I'm going to post this one on the frig! Thank you!

    • Ashley Tyler profile image
      Author

      Ashley Tyler 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      LOL Im glad you like it

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      In this house....it don't stop. She even nags in her sleep.

    • Ashley Tyler profile image
      Author

      Ashley Tyler 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      No she doesn't lol

      Im sure she is not that bad.

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      c'mon over and see. the horror, the horror, you ever see throw mama from the train?

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Great hub! No one likes to be nagged. I know I don't. And I know it doesn't work, either. My Hubby digs in his heels after the second request... that's usually my cue to back off.

    • Ashley Tyler profile image
      Author

      Ashley Tyler 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Yes I have seen it goldentoad...LMAO Maybe you should tell her how you feel.

      MightyMom thanks for your comment. I wonder if men ever think that maybe we would shut up if they would just do what we have asked......

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      oh, I've told her, trust me, I offered some St. John's to try to mellow her out but it didn't work, I would say I'm a very considerate person and always willing to help out but I just think she was brought up a spoiled brat and that its always worked for her. Wahwahwah.

    • Ashley Tyler profile image
      Author

      Ashley Tyler 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      I used to be really bad at nagging until one day I realized if I wanted it to work I was going to have to change the way I spoke to him. We are better now and I am not called a nag anymore. Well not as often.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Nag. Even the word is ugly, isn't it? Rhymes with gag. I agree, Ashley. I think it's all in the tone of voice. Said nicely, a request sounds reasonable. But why would anyone in their right mind respond to a sarcastic, caustic nagging whiney person? Ugh. Goldentoad, sorry to hear you are being nagged. But at least it makes for good hubbing:-)!

    • MellasViews profile image

      MellasViews 8 years ago from Earth

      I can never have a hot meal prepared. lol. we both walk through the door at the same time from work so it's impossible.

      Ive been called a nag though... he nags too at times though (I call them tantrums though) lol.

      But like you said, its a tone of the voice used when 'trying to get a point across'.

      Liked this piece... ; )

    • BeautySpeaks profile image

      BeautySpeaks 7 years ago from Prince Georges County, Maryland

      this was a great hub. it's so sad thought that women are considered nags, when as you said in the beginning, it's really just us asking the men to do something for the billioneth time! if a man did what he was asked to do at least today, not even right now...but def. not 2 weeks or a month from now lol. Obviously i'm one of those nags lol. i do try not to though...and by doing the things you mentioned...so good hub. useful info.

    • J. McCoy profile image

      J. McCoy 7 years ago from CA (originally)

      I love this hub! I was lucky enough to marry a woman that doesn't nag. But, I know plenty of men that dread going home to endure that barrage of nagging.

    • profile image

      shockabsorber 6 years ago

      I love dis hub...

    • profile image

      Adjusting  6 years ago

      my bf says i turn everything into a big thing.I'm not sure how to change that. I ask politely for a change and then, try to explain why i make the request. It doesn't seem to work. Any suggestions?

    • profile image

      Lauren 6 years ago

      I feel really self-consious that I am nagging my boyfriend all the time, but it isn't about little things like cleaning up after himself or anything. He always does stupid things in his own life which I feel like I have to speak out about. For example, he'll say he has a mountain of study to do but stay on Facebook all night. I tell him that he should sign off, he'll get more study done that way. All I'm trying to do is help, but he interprets this as me trying to nag him or control him. I feel like he thinks the way he lives his life doesn't affect me, so I shouldn't nag him about that. But the fact is that it does. In this example, if he stays on Facebook, is distracted from his work, and doesn't get anything done, it not only puts him in a bad mood but also means I don't get to see him as often because he is 'studying'. Every time I say something I feel more and more guilty, and like a terrible girlfriend. He thinks I am just saying it to prove a point, or be right, or manipulate him. I don't know how to communicate it to him without him getting pissed off!

    • profile image

      bronzepetal 6 years ago

      I'm a woman and I agree with what you say 100%. No one likes being nagged at. Even I don't.

    • profile image

      Polly 6 years ago

      Noone likes to be nagged, that's for sure. I don't like it either. But fix him a dinner or try to convince him using sex, while all he does is sitting on the couch, watching tv - hahaha hillarious. Thank goodness there are grown up men too.

    • profile image

      elle 6 years ago

      lol..but true

    • profile image

      dodo 6 years ago

      I am a nag and I don't like it. How can I change?

    • profile image

      stephannie 6 years ago

      IM STEPHANNIE AND MY MAN IS ALSO A NAG TOO.IM WORSE CUS I JUST DON'T LIKE TO SEE THINGS GO THE AWKWARD DIRECTIONS...I WISH MEN WUD DO WAT THEY WERE ASKED TO DO THE RIGHT TIME AND MANNER AND THINGS WUD SETTLE A BIT.

    • profile image

      tom smith 6 years ago

      it's only when I'm cleaning the house that she tells me what to clean and then I stop cleaning can't she see that IF I'm cleaning that's the time to just wait and see if i also get to the part she wants done

    • www.lookseenow profile image

      www.lookseenow 5 years ago

      Two years have passed since you wrote your hub, but I’m just publishing mine, part of my hub deals with nagging. I showed the gist of (Proverbs 27:15)

      “A leaking roof that drives one away in the day of a steady rain and a contentious wife are the same.”

      Why do the Scriptures single out the wife for this counsel? Wives may feel it is the only weapon they have. My wife and I use words like apples of gold in silver carvings, always saying the right words at the proper time.

      Your post is very well structured, ad informative. Thanks for letting me link.

      Regards: jghn

    • profile image

      myriam 5 years ago

      loved it! i'm going through an awful nagging phase myself... i laughed so much when i read this article, i could totally see myself in that situation, me talking, talking, talking and him, not even listening to me anymore, not even hearing me, i imagine a speech bubble over his head, which says "nag nag nag nag ...". it's been a lot these last weeks, thank you so much for this, i need to learn when to shut up. :)

    • profile image

      Kate 5 years ago

      Yes, I do have control over how I behave and communicate with my husband, but shouldn't my husband have control over his LACK of behavior and communication? We’ve been married for 10 years and no matter how nicely I ask, offer sex, shut up and do it myself, etc… NOTHING fazes him!! I work, take care of the kids, cook, clean, am a part time student. He works to, but at the end the day he’s the only one entitled to set on his butt. Meanwhile I’m running around doing all the household chores he won’t.

      My final attempt with him was to let our house go to hell. I let everything go and never asked him once. It was a complete disaster, and he still wouldn’t get off his butt. He’d rather live in filth than help out! To top it off when he did finally do something, it was his own laundry. I love my husband very much, but was not born to be anyone’s servant and shouldn’t have to repeatedly ask for help. We’re supposed to be a team.

    • profile image

      K Mc 5 years ago

      I agree with Kate. It's really hard when you love someone so much, but the other person isn't "coming to the party." I don't feel good about having to constantly ask my partner sweetly to do stuff, they should be able to take responsibility for it themselves!

    • profile image

      THall 5 years ago

      if were a fricking team then when he doesn't have to ask for dinner every night why should i have to ask for him to take the trash out ????

    • profile image

      shan 5 years ago

      I read this cause I thought I was a nag.. and now I realize I'm so not!! Woohoo :p

    • profile image

      A nagged wife 5 years ago

      what to do if your husband is critising and nagging you constantly non stop

      when everything is your fault and normal people do that but you ..

    • profile image

      berniemac 5 years ago

      Nagging is more then complaining about a guy who won't do what you've asked him to do. It's never missing the opportunity, no matter how trivial, to complain about ANYTHING he does that annoys you. That could be watching football too long to forgetting to pick up milk on the way home from work. Men expect women to complain once in a while. That's part of a relationship. But doing it everyday with a sarcastic/nasty tone of voice, it what guys dislike.

    • profile image

      Amazed 5 years ago

      Unbelievably stupid article. Fix him a hot meal and give him a beer if he's refusing to to do basic household chores and resenting you for asking him to? Use sex to entice him to mow the lawn? Come on! It would be less effort to complete these chores yourself. Try moving out and finding someone that's capable of looking after themselves. Let him (or her) live in his own filth if he can't manage to take garbage out or pick up socks, there are plenty of guys (or girls) out there who can.

    • profile image

      Kendra 5 years ago

      ^^^HAHA

    • profile image

      coco 4 years ago

      Are we raising children by any chance?????Sounds like it

    • profile image

      Bebe 4 years ago

      My BF says I nag and complain all the time but it's just what's going on in our lives. I support him and he just plays his guitar doing free shows and we're struggling for money. I work almost every day and don't get any sex, help around the house in or out and no financial help. I try to suggest helpful ways to make some money doing what he loves but it falls on deaf ears and he says he's going to do what he's going to do. I also think he's watching porn and jerking off all night and when I check on him at 7:30 in the morning he yells at me and tells me to go back to bed and leave him alone. We love each other but I'm tired of being so sad and he's doing nothing to change the situation.

    • profile image

      Paul 4 years ago

      If you have the background mental position 'he should do what i want and often he doesn't and that's why i have to pester', then you are probably a nag and need to go back to basics and rethink YOUR attitude. Your partner is an equal adult, not a child under your authority

    • profile image

      sam,sam 4 years ago

      my bf and i been friend from 20002,we broke up over 8 times we cannot communicate until now,since august of 2011 we live back together and nothing change,i feel like am living in hell,i work very hard i has a child for my x.i do all housework, work 5days a week we pay rent&light together.he only goes to work and goes on his L-top an phone,i caunt talk he order me to shut my a..up.he slap me in my face before in the middle of a high-way.i don't kno why we still tegather.

    • profile image

      Marcus 4 years ago

      Nagging isn't asking for something to be done. Nagging is asking EVERYTHING to be done the way the one nagging wants it done. Nagging is spending more time complaining and moaning about a tiny problem than the time it would take to do it oneself. Nagging is interrupting another persons prerogatives to have them do something one can easily do for themselves. Nagging is demanding to know every little thing that is going on all the time. Nagging is riding someone until they want to puke, and not caring either way. Nagging is selfish and childish and there is no defense for behaving that way.

    • profile image

      Diggy 3 years ago

      It appears that whenever a woman is requesting something from her man that he doesn't want to do, we are then called nags. My boyfriend has a way of being manipulative and making me feel like I'm unreasonable for asking him to follow through on something. He is also very sarcastic and I don't hesitate to call him on it. He is the kind of guy that works best when being told what to do (he has told me this) but when I do, he gets annoyed or just ignores me. Its to the point where I'm on the verge of breaking up with him, rather than him bringing out the worst in me. I'd rather have a guy I can communicate with without using sex or cooking for him as an incentive.

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