- Gender and Relationships
Signs for How You Can Tell On a First Date If Someone Shouldn’t Be Trusted
One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. Of course, it takes time to build up that trust so you shouldn't go assuming that you're going to be able to fully trust someone from the very first date. Nevertheless, you should be able to get a general indication from the very first date as to whether or not someone is likely to be a person that you can trust.
Will all of the warning signs that someone isn't to be trusted be visible on a first date? No. But if you experience any of the following things on a first date then you should at least notice that there's a red flag of possible untrustworthiness waving at you:
- 1. Answers basic questions evasively. Nobody wants to reveal everything about themselves on a first date but the idea of a first date is to get to know one another so if your date is being really evasive then you should probably at least wonder if something weird is going on. For example, if you ask what she does for a living and she says "oh, I work in an office" and then changes the subject then you might wonder if something a little fishy is going on there.
- 2. Won't give you a home/cell phone number. If the person that you're on a first date with will take your number but won't give you one in return then there's a good indication there that perhaps there is something being hidden that you might want to know about (like a wife and kids at home!)
- 3. Doesn't want to meet in a familiar place. When you're trying to figure out what to do on a first date, you should suggest doing something in his area of town. If he's unwilling to meet you at a bar or restaurant or park that he frequents regularly then there's a good sign that there may be something not to trust there.
- 4. Refuses to make eye contact. Some people just get nervous on a first date and so they end up looking down at the table or looking around the room a lot. But you have probably been on enough dates to know if the person is really just nervous or if there might be another reason that she just refuses to make eye contact with you.
- 5. There is any sort of gossip that comes up in the conversation. People who gossip about others generally have some level of untrustworthiness to them. This is particularly true if the person is gossiping about others on a first date. You may want to wonder what that's all about!
- 6. Agrees with every single thing that you say. It's great that you have a lot of things in common with someone on a first date but you shouldn't have every single thing in common. If every topic that comes up generates information and opinions from you that the other person just agrees with then there may be something going on there that isn't to be trusted.
- 7. Someone else tells you that this person isn't to be trusted. We often go on first dates with people that others in our lives know. If coworkers or friends indicate that there is something not to be trusted about the date then you might want to at least question it. Of course you should keep in mind that the person giving you this warning might themselves be someone who can't be trusted and that they may have an ulterior motive for warning you about this date. But you should think about the source and the warning and at least give it some weight.
- 8. Tries too hard to sell himself. Some people try really hard on first dates because they feel awkward about the situation. However most people don't sit there and give you a list of reasons that you should like them. If he's sitting there and telling you that he visits his mom three times each week, that all of his ex-girlfriends have nice things to say about him and that he volunteers to help sick children in his free time then there's a good chance that he's selling you a line that's not quite true.
- 9. Says something hurtful to you. Some people are just brutally honest but frankly there are things that you should keep to yourself on a first date. For example, if you meet someone on a first date that you hadn't met in person before (because it's a blind date or it's someone that you have met online) and their initial response to you is something like, "you're a lot heavier than your picture showed" then you might want to think twice about dating this person. Sure, this isn't exactly a trust issue - they're being really honest. But there's a level of trust that has to do with being able to trust that the person is going to be kind to you and that you can be safe with them. If that's blatantly not there on a first date then you might want to walk away.
- 10. Your gut tells you something isn't quite right. Sometimes there isn't a specific thing that we can point to that tells us that there is a serious problem on a date. Nevertheless, you might feel a gut instinct telling you that there is something about the person that just isn't quite right or shouldn't really be trusted. If that's the case then you might want to trust yourself on this one instead of openly trusting someone else that you don't even know.
Keep in mind that there are a lot of things that can happen on a first date which might be misinterpreted since the two of you just really don't know each other very well yet. You might want to keep an open mind and be willing to forgive some of these things if the date basically goes well. However you shouldn't discount the feelings that you have about a date. If you think that there were some warning signs there that indicate that perhaps the person shouldn't be trusted, you should at least move forward with attention to those things and with open eyes about the relationship.