How a man can write a personal ad women like
What a time to live in right? No longer must we face smoky nightclubs, desperately trying to meet somebody for companionship and love. Internet dating has become a socially acceptable way to meet somebody, now you can hang out your shingle and meet other people who are also desperate and lonely. It is Win / Win in my book.
Now that I am happily married, to a much younger wife. I can share my secrets to success to a new generation of men who are going out and seeking love on the internet. I started online dating in my late teens as I was quite shy. I have gotten over as time as passed. But being an "Online dating" old-timer, I learned many things about online dating.
This article attempts to guide men of good moral character, in the proper methods of developing a personal ad, in which some women will be more likely to contact them after reading it. There is much competition in the dating world these days between lonely heart scammers from Nigeria and rat finks in your local town, so the average male has to step up and compete.
The dating world is very difficult for the average man. Although this seems an impossibility there always seems to be a ratio of at least 100:1 men to women on internet personal websites. One can either consider that the standard 50/50 gender allotment of the world's population is an elaborate hoax, or that most of these men are in fact in relationships, or are more active in finding relationships with multiple women at once.
Since this is the case, like most aspects of life regardless of how we came upon the problem or situation, Although we may wish to lanate about the issue to our chums, at some point we must address the problem.
As a man, you are going to face fierce competition from other men for the attention of good, high quality women. With a poor personal ad, you may find some success with natural good looks, or just general good luck. But you will not be able to engage and meet high quality women on the internet without expending some effort into your personal ad.
Some housekeeping before we begin.
There are a few issues which must be discussed before we begin to develop a personal ad that women want to respond to.
This is going to hurt the ego a bit
The first issue is that we are going to require you to take a hard look at yourself, and your life. People find this uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, but I am not here to discuss the frailty of the human spirit, that is another conversation for another time. Although you might find it hard, I suggest you look into what I ask of you, because you will have a more rewarding romantic experience later.
You shouldn’t lie on your personal ad.
Under no circumstance should you outright lie in your personal ad. When you lie in your personal ad, you create landmines that will be triggered sooner or later, generally most women will leave the date, or never talk to you again once they have discovered you lied. I happen to have a business client of mine, who had some success online dating. We took to discussing it one day, and he told me how he had dated a woman for several weeks, they had really hit it off and were enjoying each other's company. Only later the woman discovered that he had been lying about his age, and despite his youthful looks he was in fact about 10 years older then he had told her. She promptly broke up with him, and never talked to him again. Would she have been ok with him if he had been honest about his age? Maybe. We don’t know now.
There is a difference between lying and spinning the truth, you need to know the difference.One should never lie about things such as your age, height, race, visually detectable health issues (Like if you have a wooden leg), gender or anything else you were considering lying about you rat.
You should be a responsible and honorable person on dates.
Look, I am a guy. I am pretty sure I know what you bastards would do, if you had a bunch of women all being interested in you at the same time. I am telling you right now, that you should act as a proper and honorable person. One reason is believe it or not, women all know each other, one way or another, and they talk. During my dating years it was not uncommon for me to learn that the girl I had met for a coffee, happened to know another woman I had met previously on the same site, although I lived in a city with a population of 150,000 or so this was a common occurrence. I suspect one reason is you are looking for a certain demographic. People tend to make friends with people similar to them. If I had behaved poorly on dates, by insulting the women, or attempting relations with a woman I wasn’t interested in it would have hurt me in the long term, and I might not have been able to date women I actually was interested in when I met them
. Remember Spider man’s uncle Ben’s famous saying? “With great power comes great responsibility.” ? Well it's the same thing basically.
Your perfect personal ad starts here
Step #1 Decide who you want to date.
The first step of creating a good personal ad is to decide what kind of woman you want to date. Are you looking for a professional woman who is in her career? Are you looking for a fun loving student? Maybe you want to date an athletic woman who can keep up with you as you jog down the street. Maybe you want an attractive woman who can play 8 hours of video games next to you a day(good luck, they have been hunted to extinction.).
Whoever you want to date, you need to tailor your personal ad to that person. It is not unlike how you would send a different resume to an automotive store, then you would a bar. (At Least you should be you lazy lout!) Dating is the same way. The ad that an athletic jogging woman would like, is possibility not the same as an ad that a fun loving student would like. You must decide what you want yourself, but keep in mind your audience.
“But what if I want more than one?” You ask. Stop being greedy. Decide what you want, you can certainly play to different aspects, for instance a professional woman who jogs, but you will be potentially alienating women who don’t have one or the other things that you are asking for, and it would make it easier for the woman to move to the next profile.
Another thing to consider, is nomatter how well written and planned a personal ad is, if you do not have similar things to offer a person, the chance of getting them interested in you is very unlikely. A family member of my wife’s happens to be having a very long dry spell when it comes to women, he is unemployed, overweight, doesn’t have his license, lives in a boarding house, just texted me asking to borrow $40 and has no plans to change his lifestyle. Although he can be fun to hang around sometimes and has good qualities, he will not be popular with women. So if he was to make a personal ad, trying to bring in say, sporty women who have good careers, he would no doubt have very limited success.
If you do not have basic things in your life that a woman would want, such as a job, place to live, car, and a bit of cash. You should get them. If you would think a woman, with your similar lifestyle is a loser, that is something to consider, no? If you are too out of shape to jog, do not make a profile for women who love to jog! (at least try it a few time it's terrible.)
Your Headline, what do you want to say?
The headline can make or break your profile, don’t do any offensive please. That is not going to do well. You should put something interesting, maybe slightly funny if you are a funny type of person, or something people can easily agree with.
Look at other peoples headlines? What catches your eye? What makes you want to read the rest of their profile? I'm afraid you have to do this one yourself, as I don’t know you, I don't know anything about you really and if I gave you any good examples about a million of you would steal it and use it at the same time. Basically you want something that catches the eye, but doesn’t catch the eye too much, you know what i'm saying?
Even something basic like, “I have a costco membership we can use.” is a fun little starter, I mean if you want the type of woman who goes to costco, why not? The hotdogs are good.
The first step to a good person ad, is to pick 3-4 pictures of yourself, at different positive situations. I would recommend a good photo of yourself, looking professional or well dressed. A photo like this suggests she will be able to have you meet her family, and bring you to the wedding. Apparently this is rather important to women for some reason.
A funny photo of you doing something a little bit wacky or funny, in which the woman can easily comment if she messages you is a good choice. Such photos such as you with a giant item, such as a comically large cheque, or a puppet would work well. I use to use a photo where I had my arms around two little old ladies at a dance thing I went to on vacation once. It showed I had a sense of humour, and had some social value. I made my caption “Don’t worry i'm a one woman man now.”. I got many comments on it.
.One or two photos, then should show a certain aspect you are trying to showcase. If you run a business and take pride in it, you should show a photo of you at your business doing something managerial and professional assuming your business isn’t embarrassing and lame.One would hope we live in a time where a dashing man could run a nail salon at the mall and not be considered less of a man for it, but I don’t think society is there yet.
If you are into sports, you should show an example of you playing the sport, if you are into theatre, you should show yourself playing a role, being in front of people is always impressive and the picture should draw some ideas. . Whatever you do, use the last two photos to showcase these parts of your life you want to share. The pictures should show you in a good light, and generally show positive aspects of yourself.
General rules of the photos on personal ads
You should generally only pick photos that you look good in. Basically people will click through your photos until they see one where they don’t find you attractive, then they will move on. That is the reason we don’t put up 10 photos or whatever personal websites allow now, because it increases the chances of you having one or two photos that don’t appeal to them so much. (Guess you shouldn’t have been saluting that confederate flag after all)
You should also be fully dressed in your photos. Skip all weird “Sexy” photos, model photos and showing off the bare chest muscle photos you want to post. You should always be wearing clothes.
Even a muscle shirt is a real stretch and I would not recommend it, unless it is required for the event you are doing in the photo. You can wear a Tshirt, but don’t be doing any stupid “This way to the beach” flexes/ People can tell you are still physically fit, even when you are dressed don’t worry about it, Hot Shot!!! Your time at the gym wont go to waste, it will help you a lot more when you are on the date trust me.
This is one of the most common mistakes men make in personal ads. They think what they like in a personal ad, a bunch of sexy photos of the girl and think women want the same thing. THEY DON’T. S
We are making a personal ad to attract women, not a personal ad to attract men. So stop thinking like a man! (You will hear this a lot if we are successful and get you in a relationship get used to it.) You might think I am wrong. Fine. I don’t want you in the gene pool anyway.
Stats and other infomation
Most personal websites have a stat page, which has aspects such as age, height, weight, race, gender and things like that. I would recommend you just be honest about these things. If you are a short man, I am sorry you are going to be filtered out of some results. Thats life. But generally it is better to be honorable about these things. If you have a good profile, most women won't even care much about these stats. (Except maybe income!)
Usually they allow you to pick interests as well, I consider this to be highly important, You should put some of the interests you have, that you would want to share with a partner, but think twice before you put down interests you want to do alone. You might enjoy jogging, but if you don’t want to do it with a partner, I wouldn't put it down. Any woman who doesn’t jog will consider this a negative, because they don't want to have to jog with you. That being said, something like woodworking might be considered a positive, because although they most likely wont be cutting up a piece of timber next to you… You might be able to make them stuff. Which women like.
The most important thing is to not put up any red flags, which are things the woman won’t like in your interests that are weird, or unsettling to the woman. IF you put down 4-5 different video game-like interests, you might alienate them if they can’t connect to that.
Also you should aim your interests towards the type of woman you want, for instance a sporty woman would like interests such as going to the gym, hiking, biking and crap like that.
A professional woman might like things such as taking a class, traveling or destroying your soul.
Look at a few profiles of women you would like to meet, look at their interests and if its something you enjoy as well, throw them on your profile as well.
The actual text of the ad
Here we are, the main attraction. Well honestly if you picked the wrong photos, or used the wrong headline maybe 5-10% of women have reached the point where they actually want to read your profile. Lots of people look at the photos, send a message, then read the profile. People are stupid, what can I say?
The main goal of your text is to showcase your life, and have the woman respond to your message. Generally as a man you are going to have to message the women in the personal websites unless you are some super successful and good looking type fellow, in that case i hope you burn in hell, this article isn’t for you.
Why are we doing all this then if the woman won't even go out and read your profile? Because if you don’t have a good profile, when you message them, they will go look at your profile and then they will not respond. So there you go.
I would recommend starting with something you two can bond on a bit. Why not point out the absurdity of the entire situation? Or you could just get right down to brass tacks and tell them about yourself.
You will always want to say positive things, don’t tell women anything negative about your life. There may be a time to discuss your deep inner pain that cuts you from the inside out with this individual, but your personal ad is not the time or the place. This is your first impression. If I meet you at a party, or on the bus I hope the first thing out of your mouth isn’t about how you hurt inside and the darkness is closing in.
If you don’t like your job, don’t bring it up in your personal ad. Having problems with your family? Lost in life? Don’t bring it up.
You see a theme here don’t you? What you put in your personal ad, is equality as important about what you don’t bring up.
That reminds me, Don’t bring up former relationships, people you met off the website or any current drama with exes on your personal ad. This isn’t a blog, this isn’t the place to rant.
I once asked a girl, if she could show me an example of what made a good personal ad, as I have always been interested in the science of personal ads to some degree. She sent me the worst ad I have ever seen, I believe he mentioned crying at least 6 or 7 times in his profile, he was crying with happiness, he was crying from loneliness.It was startling. I was shocked actually. This man came off as clearly emotionally unstable and I was confused as to what made this a good personal ad.
“Why is this a good personal ad?” I asked.
“Because..” she explained… “I can read this ad and know I never want to date him.”
“Ah” I replied.
Do you get it now? Women consider a good personal ad, one where they get to know the person quickly and can make a quick judgement of if the person is worth their time or not.
Women on personal ads, live in a different world. Not all of them of course, but the ones you want to message are the same ones that everyone else wants to message as well. Imagine being flooded, literally flooded with 5..10… 200.. Messages a day? Imagine being a nice person who wants to at least “consider” each of these nice fellows to took the time out of their day to message them. The women just want to be able to move as many of the guys to the “No” pile as they can.
Our goal is to not let them do that! They are going to have to work to put us on the NO pile. Sometimes you are going to end up there anyway that is part of the time. But, we almost might get you into the “maybe” pile, or even the “Why not, maybe he will buy me dinner.” pile.
That would be a success in my book!
Should you tell them what you want in a person?
I would say yes, it makes you look like you are a bit choosey, which is a good thing. IT also lets the woman check off things. For instance, if you put down what you very specifically want in a person for instance you say you want , a woman with a career, who oveds live theatre and cats, and a woman with a career who loves live theatre and had a bunch of cats saw that profile, she will be like “Hey that guy wants me!” and be more likely to respond, that being said, women who don’t match up will be less likely to message you.
Generally the most important thing in this part of the profile is to not come off as a person who is scary, weird or undateable.
Generally in business this is the part in an advertisement where you have a call to action, to tell your customer what to do. This should be the same in a profile, except you don’t want to come off as all “snake oil salesman” or the announcer from the price is right. This is where you want to just tell them that if they think you two would connect, they should message you, because you would like to hear them. Keep it sweet, and don’t come off as needy. We all know you are dying of loneliness but they don’t need to hear that do they?
Q: What about Tinder and those picture based dating things?
A: They work if you are naturally attractive looking. Basically people who don’t need a personal ad to begin with. If you are reading this you might not be one of these people. Generally I feel most people are better off having to actually write sometimes, it helps you find people you would enjoy being with more effectively.
Q: I made a good profile, but nobody responds to me.
A: there can be several issues, I recommend having women in your life evaluate your profile. They might see something with their magical femanine ways that you don’t. A gay man might suffice in a pinch. It could be that you are just on the wrong personal site, I found great success with some personal websites, and terrible luck with others in the same area, even with mostly the same people on both of them.
Q: I am on Eharmony so..
A: Eharmony sucks balls. I used it once at the recommendation of a friend, it is the worst personal website there is. I suggest nobody use it. The systems they use are ineffective. You can spend weeks sending meaningless messages to somebody when a 2 minute message exchange will let you know if you and the person are on the same level. Since dating is a numbers game you need fast turnaround time, you have to verify if the person is good or not and worth your time quickly.
Q: Someone messaged me what do I do?
A: I don't know, what did you say? Why don’t you try to have a normal conversation with the woman? Believe it or not, most women are people who just want the same things we as men do. Don’t respond within 30 seconds ok? Try to make it look like you have a life at least for a little while ok?
Ideally at this point, you should have a profile that will get 10-20% of the women who look at it to respond to you. I would consider that level of return a successful profile. I am afraid it is a bit of a numbers game. If you are able to get a message or two, or a phone conversation or a coffee meeting from this profile you should consider it a success. Generally if you are tripping up after that your other parts of the “Dating Game” need work. For instance if you get a lot of 1st dates, but nothing else. That is something to consider, and maybe something you do on a first date needs to be improved. But getting the dates would suggest the profile is working.
As a man, you still have to take an active role in the initial contacting of the woman on the personal ad. As to bring attention to your profile you will need to message women and send them messages. But a better profile would help.
I hope you have learned something from this old hand at the dating world. Online dating really does work, well for some people anyway. I wish you all the best of luck.