ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How do you have a healthy, long-lasting married life? Some tips to avoid misunderstandings between husband and wife.

Updated on May 29, 2008

communicate,communicate,communicate

Marriage is a hugely important step which will change both your lives and you are right to think about it carefully. There are no manuals for success but I have been married for 35 years so I might be able to give you a few pointers.

1- The romantic heroes of fairy tales or Hollywood/Bollywood simply can't exist in the reality of a 9 to 5 job, domestic chores and money worries, so make sure you have realistic expectations.

2- Choose wisely. Of course love is paramount but don't think that you can ever change someone. If you have a long mental list of all the things that annoy you about him and think that you are going to make him change those when you are married. Think again. What do you love about him and If you manage to change his character, will you love this new person? Does he have a flaw that you just couldn't live with such as dishonesty, laziness, violence? Then walk away because love will not overcome those or you could end up very unhappy.

3- Learn to make decisions together. It's a huge shock to the system suddenly to have to think like a couple and to share a house/bed/car/expenses/friends... You must agree every decision before making it in order to avoid conflicts. For instance, don't accept an invitation or paint the bedroom purple before checking with your partner first and he must do the same with you.

4- The biggest bones of contention between couples is money (or the lack of it usually). Agree on a budget and discuss all financial arrangements and expenses but make one person responsible for paying the bills.

5- Respect each other's right to be an individual and show respect to each other particularly in front of other people. Making derogatory remarks about your wife/husband only shows you up but is very hurtful.

6- Give support to each other when needed. If your partner is trying something new, encourage him/her and show you care. He might want to take a new course at college or climb a mountain (I mention this because my son-in-law is climbing Kilimandjaro next month!), you might want to learn skydiving. We all need to do something different at some time. You should expect full co-operation from your partner and you should be proud of each other's achievements.

7- Have pride in your appearance and I don't just mean women. All the way through your married life your appearance will change as you age. That's natural but it doesn't mean that you have to stop caring about your skin or your hair or your body shape. Nobody wants a slob for a partner.

8- Give each other space. Women sometimes want to do girlie things like go and see a girlie film with their friends and men want to go to a football/cricket match. Just because you are married does not mean that you are joined at the hip in everything you do. In fact, that would be quite unhealthy. Enjoy separate activities by all means as long as it's evenly balanced between the two of you. The key thing is that you should trust each other.

9- Talk, talk, talk. The biggest killer of marriage is resentment because it festers. Whatever is bothering you, get it out in the open and thrash it out. Not as easy as it sounds as men really are from Mars and women from Venus. There are many times when we just don't get each other's point of view and frustration sets in. Well, that's life, it would be a dull world if we all agreed on everything all the time! When that happens, agree to disagree and have a good laugh instead.

10- Above all, enjoy each other's company. Your husband should be your best friend and you will go through the ups and downs of life together. No-one will ever be closer to you.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      shavneel kumar 

      5 years ago

      thanx for the guide line, about to get married so the info will help me a lot

    • profile image

      rajeswari 

      6 years ago

      nice guideline to newly married thank u

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)